City of Bankers and Killers, guarded by the Titan. And lots of sellswords and pirates.
Stannis isn't here to sightsee. He and Ser Davos arrive at the Iron Bank of Braavos to ask for loans. For fighters. For ships. Ser Davos tries to get Stannis to sit after they've been waiting for hours, but Stannis is in no mood to even look pleasant. When a group of three bankers emerges and sits on the other side of the table, they "invite" Stannis to sit as well. Which he does. When the Iron Bank addresses him as Lord Stannis, Davos rises and tries to correct the Banker, Tycho Nestoris, trotting out Stannis' titles as King of Westeros. The Iron Bank is amused. You see, they've been loaning Joffrey, and now Tommen, loads of money under the impression that those two were Kings of Westeros who needed to defeat usupers arguing over blood rights. The Iron Bank prefers all things reduced to numbers, which he mercilessly goes through with Stannis and Davos.
Sadly, the Lord of Light has no power over money.
Nestoris declines loaning money to someone with only a paltry number of troops and ships, and nothing to feed them with, anyway. Stannis is about to leave in a huff, when he stands and shows the Iron Bank his cut down fingers. Stannis cut them off, years ago, for being a smuggler. As his debt to be paid. Davos reminds the Iron Bank that Westeros is really led by an old man, and there's no one currently in King's Landing who could replace him. Stannis, on the other hand, is younger, yet old enough to be an experienced warrior. Stannis, not Tommen, is actually capable of leading and fighting. Davos holds up his mutilated hand as he tells the Iron Bank that Stannis pays debts, blood and gold.
The guy's a badass. Just give him what he wants.
Davos later sashays into one of Braavos' brothels, where his old buddy, Salladhor Saan, is telling a joke he doesn't realize the ladies have heard before, so they enjoy ending it for him. He takes it well, and even welcomes his friend Davos to join him, having some fun when he gets the ladies' names wrong to Davos. Davos, however, keeps his clothes on and tells Salladhor that they sail at sunrise. Saan insists that he'll be alone and poor if he sails with Davos, who slides a large leather wallet to Saan. He is astounded that Davos has this kind of money. Davos, ever the friend, says more has just been delivered to Saan's wife at his home. Isn't Davos a good friend? Saan knew their was a catch. He has to leave home with just some pocket money, while his wife gets the lion share for the family.
Yara arrives at the Dreadfort as we flash between her reading Ramsay's letter to her men, whipping them up into a frenzy of Dreadfort hate while we see Ramsay doesn't have a care in the world, except for the very energetic lady friend on top of him. That's about to change, as Yara and her men surprise attack Ramsay's men at the Dreadfort, managing to get in pretty quickly and quietly. Some poor kid gets to lead Yara to where her brother's being kept. But not to a dungeon. No, that's for people. Reek lives with his master's dogs in his very own cage in the kennels. And Reek doesn't like these new people, who slit the throat of one of his master's men, break open his cage, and try to take him away, while calling him "Theon Greyjoy". No, Reek wants his cage, and his master. He's in a dead panic as Yara tries to remove him. It takes too long, and they're ambushed by Ramsay and his men. Ramsay has a bunch of new cuts on him, which I'm pretty sure didn't come from his girlfriend.
Who wants to play tag?
Ramsay's all eager to fight, until Yara puts her brother aside long enough to turn the tide, resulting in a stalemate between Dreadfort and Ironborn men. Ramsay solves it by letting loose his dogs, and Yara and her men retreat. Defeated, with only a few left, Yara tells her rowers that her brother is dead. There's only Reek.
And Reek is about to get a reward. Ramsay brings him to a washroom, with a clean tub of water. Reek doesn't know how to react when Ramsay, gently and lovingly, tells Reek he's getting a reward for his loyalty. Ramsay is so sweet, reminding the viewer that some of his worst tortures of Theon/Reek were with this kind voice and winning smile. Ramsay orders Reek to undress, and when Reek will only take off his shirt, Ramsay orders him to be completely naked. Reek is obviously ashamed of his body and the way he's been mutilated, but Ramsay sends him to the tub, where he lowers himself in water, probably the first time he's bathed in months. And Reek realizes this. So used to being treated like a dog, he keeps expecting Ramsay to show his viciousness any second.
Which Ramsay, cleverer than first thought, doesn't do. He takes the towel, lowers it in the clean water, and gently washes Reek himself, as if Reek is a baby and Ramsay is his servant. Ramsay, in a soft voice, says how happy he is that Reek was so loyal, and that he needs Reek's help. Imagine that, Reek has a chance to be useful! Wouldn't that be wonderful? Ramsay needs Reek's help in taking a castle from some bad people. They're bad because Ramsay says so. And they have a castle called Moat Cailin. Which is just north of the Frey's castle, and guards an important means of getting between the River Lands and the North. So, Roose Bolton needs it if he's to be Warden of the North. And he offered to make Ramsay a Bolton, instead of just a Snow, if Ramsay takes it. Ramsay's decided that the best way, is to get Reek to help him. And all Reek has to do is play a part in a play. Would Reek like to be in a play? To help Ramsay? His character's name is Theon Greyjoy.
At last, the dragons are back! A herder outside Meereen, in a valley with his son tossing rocks into a ravine, gets a very unwelcome surprise when Drogon, Dany's black dragon, floats out of the ravine, growling and flapping his huge, magnificent wings. It would be quite a sight, if Drogon hadn't helped himself to goat flambe right then and there, and flown off with his most recent kill. The goat herder is terrified of telling Dany this, in her throne room, which belonged to the Old Masters of Meereen until recently. Both Dany and Missandei coax the goat herder into showing them the remains of his goat. Dany is all understanding, offering the man three times the value of the animals killed, and he shuffles away, backwards, bowing as he leaves. Jorah looks on, pleased that his Queen did the right and generous thing for someone so dependent on her.
Welcome to Meereen, may I take your order?
Hizdahr zo Loraq is her next supplicant. Obviously, from one of Meereen's older houses, formerly a nobleman who now must adjust to life with someone else in charge. Loraq willingly acknowledges her Queen of Meereen, and points out that his father was responsible for the maintenance of cultural landmarks, such as the pyramid and throne room which she now enjoys. Dany asks to meet his father, but Hizdahr informs Dany that she missed her chance when she had his father crucified. Now, his body and that of the Old Masters have been left on their posts to rot in the sun. Hizdahr claims that his father had no part in the scheme to crucify slave children alone the road to Meereen, that he had even objected to it. I'm sure that every slave-owning family will now come forward, claiming to have opposed everything Dany hates, now that they're out of power. It will always be some other family, some other slaveowner, who ordered this atrocity, or that cruel murder. Dany reminds Hizdahr that the crucified children were left to rot, so why should she show any mercy to their owners? Hizdahr claims that their souls will be unable to proceed to their afterlife without funerals. He eventually begs, as a son, for the right to bury his father. He is all humility for something that doesn't even benefit himself personally, only for the chance to do his family duty. So, Dany gives it to him. The exchange is exhausting, as Dany must remind Loraq of Meereen's sins, and that those sins must be answered with justice. As he leaves, Dany wonders how many more supplicants there are. Missandei informs her there are 212 more people waiting. So, now Dany knows what it's like to work as a cashier at McDonald's.
Back in King's Landing, Tommen's Small Council meets for the first time. Oberyn wants to be a Master of Something, and Mace smugly informs him that Master of Ships is already taken. And nobody in their right mind should make this guy the Master of Coin. Tywin walks in brusquely, and all but Oberyn rise to meet him. He starts the meeting with a report of Sandor Clegane, The Hound, killing soldiers in the RiverLands after declaring that someone should have sex with the king. It's treasonous to them all, and Cersei and Tywin put a price on his head. They move on to a full report from Varys on Meereen and Danaerys. It's almost complete- Varys has just left out, or doesn't know, about Dany's new fleet of ships. He seems a little too happy to report that Barristan Selmy, let go by Cersei, is now helping and advising Dany. Cersei dismisses his concern, but Tywin shoots her down. What about Jorah? Varys has to admit, he's lost Jorah to Danaerys. Oberyn says the Unsullied are a dangerous army; Cersei thinks she's just a little girl. Tywin doesn't have time, or money, to attack her. So, he tells Varys to send his spies into Meereen, for some special job.
Varys stands alone in the throne room, regarding the Iron Throne. Benches are set up, and there are a couple of stands near the front. All ready for Tyrion's trial to start. Varys is not startled by Oberyn approaching him, but corrects Oberyn when he calls Varys a Lord. Varys is not a Lord. He is just Varys. Varys asks, though he probably already knows, how Oberyn knows Essos; Oberyn admits that he has quite a bit of wanderlust, that he plans on seeing this world, and not just one little corner of it. He correctly identifies Varys as from Lhys, and Varys is impressed. But he doesn't confide to Oberyn how he came to Westeros. And he doesn't accept Oberyn's offer of visiting a brother together, admitting that he has no sex life or a wish for one. Oberyn has actually found something that surprises him. A guy with no sex drive- Oberyn hasn't seen this before. Varys explains that by reducing his desires, learning to live without them, leaves him lots of time to stare wistfully at the Iron Throne, probably imagining who he wants to really sit there. And I doubt it's Tommen.
Tyrion's big day comes. Now, we get to see just how busy Cersei's been, building her case. Jaime personally escorts Tyrion from his prison to the Throne Room, in chains. Neither of them like it, but regicide is kind of a big deal, and Jaime came back dedicated to his Kingsguard duties. Tommen recuses himself as judge, leaving Tywin, Oberyn, and Mace Tyrell to sit in judgement. Margaery gets a great front row seat, next to Loras, with Cersei sitting on the other side of the judges. And she's got quite a case; basically, everyone in King's Landing that Tyrion pissed off is happy to testify against him. This includes Meryn Trant, the pissant who killed Syrio Forel, and Maester Pycelle, with his phony list of poisons he accuses Tyrion of stealing. Both could have been easily refuted- Meryn Trant was about to beat a defenseless girl in public; Pycelle didn't object when Tyrion was appointed Master of Coin, or complain of stolen potions before now. Still, the crowd is completely willing to believe everything they say. Tywin is eager to do so, and Mace is eager to please Tywin. Only Oberyn actually tries to ask any sort of questions. When Cersei testifies that Tyrion wanted revenge against her, Oberyn wants to know why. So, she paints herself as a moral creature who just didn't want whores in the Tower of the Hand. Oberyn doesn't ask, by what authority she could order this. Does he wonder whether he's hearing any truth? Margaery looks shaken by Pycelle's testimony, showing how Sansa's necklace, found on Dontos' body, had traces of poison on it, and was probably the murder weapon. Does Margaery, now, fully understand how Joffrey was actually killed?
Come on, I'm too cute to be a killer.
Even Varys testifies against Tyrion, claiming that his marriage to Lady Sansa Stark might have made him sympathetic to the Northern cause of Robb Stark, noting that Tyrion wasn't happy when Robb and Catelyn were murdered. Well, yeah. He's the guy who has to explain it to his wife, somehow. Varys must know this, and Tyrion demands to ask Varys a question of his own, which it pains Tywin to allow. So, Tyrion reminds Varys of his own words noting that Tyrion saved the city from Stannis' army. His question is, did Varys forget these words? Varys, with a straight face, assures Tyrion that he forgets nothing. Even if he wishes he could. Tywin decides he's hungry, and there's a rest for lunch.
***POST SCRIPT UPDATE*** Is Varys, when he answers Tyrions' question, reminding Tyrion of a private conversation they had, months ago, earlier in Season 3, when Varys advised Tyrion on gaining revenge on Cersei? Is he letting Tyrion know that he's doing the best he can to keep Tyrion alive, considering all that he knows?
Throughout the entire morning, Jaime's been less than impressed with Cersei's witnesses. Probably knowing they're all lackeys to Cersei that she's paid or threatened into testifying (How did she get Pycelle on her side? Didn't she toss him to the curb, like four episodes ago?), he confronts Tywin, insisting that this trial is a farce, a show for the nobles of King's Landing so he can get rid of Tyrion. Tywin is unmoved. He already plans on finding Tyrion guilty. So, the trial is definitely a farce, so that Cersei can get out every horrible thing she hates about her brother before killing him. Jaime basically has to beg for Tyrion's life, pointing out that Tywin has no one he can leave Casterly Rock, or the running of the Westernlands, to. Tywin blames Jaime for this, and reminds him that this is a family, not a Kingsguard, problem. So, Jaime plays his only card. He agrees to Tywin's original scheme, to quit the Kingsguard, leave for Casterly Rock, marry someone else, have children of his own name, basically whatever his father wants him to do. Note, Jaime's willing to throw everything away- Cersei, his job, his prior oaths, his independence from his father, so that Tyrion can spend his days on the Wall with the Night's Watch. All he has to do is persuade Tyrion to take the deal, accept a guilty plea, and ask Tywin for mercy.
Oh, I get it. You don't really care who killed Joffrey.
And Jaime's request for that goes about as expected. Tyrion doesn't trust his father to come through, noting that Ned Stark tried taking the same deal, only to be killed right then and there. And, there's no North to rise in rebellion for him. Tyrion seems resigned to being killed no matter what he does. Jaime knows Tyrion doesn't trust the system, or their father. He wants Tyrion to trust him, Jaime. Trials in Westeros always seem like a statement about our system of justice- what do you do when your rights are curtailed any way the law can? What's your best bet for justice? Combat by a sellsword? A deal brokered between the defendant and judge, who is the defendant's own father?
Either way, Tywin gets what he wants...
All this is for nothing, as Cersei calls in her last witness. Tyrion looks heartbroken as Shae, dressed as a plain, but respectable lady, takes the stand, not even looking at Tyrion. Acting humble and contrite, she launches into a story, half true and half completely false, about Tyrion taking her from another knight in the River Lands (sort of true), and declaring that she is his property, and abusing her horribly (not true). Says she did whatever Tyrion wanted, and tries to look like she was afraid of him, and still is. Tyrion is unbelieving as Shae comes up with whatever horrible things she can say about Tyrion. The spectators are horrified. Tywin looks like he was hoping this would come out. Shae claims that he ended up wanting Sansa more than her, and offered to kill Joffrey in order to get Sansa's affections, Tyrion tries to object, begging Shae not to do this. Not to betray him, who she claimed to love. Tyrion is used to his father and sister screwing him, but he really thought he had found love from Shae. And she turned her heartbreak into revenge against him. He is truly, completely, friendless.
Tyrion, after collapsing in his stand, rises only to offer to confess. Tywin is ecstatic; he'll finally be rid of a son he's never wanted. But Tyrion has just decided to tell the world to go fuck itself. He confesses that he is, indeed a dwarf. When Tywin tries to shut him down, Tyrion insists he's always been on trial, for being a dwarf. He then turns to the crowd, and denounces them all, reminding them that he saved the city from sacking by Stannis. But now he wishes he hadn't. He declares he didn't kill Joffrey, he just wishes he did. He tells them all, he was relieved when Joffrey died. And that he only wishes he had enough poison for all of them. Because he never really had a chance to do much, due to others' hatred of his body. Never trusted, never cared about, never praised, never wanted around. Not even by his own family. Tyrion goes from cocky defiance, denying that the wine even killed Joffrey, to resignation that his former friends have abandoned him, to heartbreak when Shae does, to hatred of everyone.
Tyrion, instead, is willing to only accept justice from the gods, and demands to be tried by only them. He demands, to Tywin's visible anger, a trial by combat. This isn't the penitent, humble Tyrion he agreed to send to the Wall. This Tyrion will be executed, horribly, if he loses.
Who will fight for Tyrion? Who will fight for Cersei?
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