The Great Muppet Caper - Revolution - Season 2, Episode 13

We start off where we left last week, with Connor in deep doodoo, holding Truman hostage.  Truman, to his credit as a leader, tells his men to take the shot, but his men aren't willing to sacrifice him.  In fact, they die instead. Maybe giving snipers a place to take a shot at your headquarters wasn't good planning.  Live and learn.  Team Matheson quickly solves the entire typhus epidemic, curing everyone except Truman and slipping away with a wagon and arms.  They go back to the same isolated farm house they were hiding out in before, because you should always retreat to the same secret location.

Monroe and Miles finally figure out that maybe, Team Matheson is outnumbered, as Connor shamelessly tries to hit on Charlie.  Too bad Connor doesn't know that Charlie has literally spent two seasons learning that everyone around her is full of shit.  Connor would be the perfect boy-toy, though.  Cute, nice body, but not bright enough to know when you're insulting him.  Oh, yes, he should be perfect for Charlie.  She volunteers to help/babysit Monroe and Connor, mostly to make sure they come back with the men they promised.

Aaron and Priscilla reach Lubbock, Texas and are blown away by someone being nice. At this point, someone offering a stranger food creeped me out too.  They find their old friend, Peter, who helped develop the nanotech's operating system with them.  Peter has discovered his own powers with the nano, too.  But Peter attributes it to God, and performs tent-revival miracles before everyone's eyes.  To be fair to the residents and Peter, they have no other way of explaining Peter's powers.  Aaron and Priscilla, though, watch in horror as everyone starts praising Jesus.   Their attempt later to convince Peter that it's self-aware artificial intelligence responding to a request from one of its makers is not really successful.  Peter must know his programming code had the potential for self-awareness, as he was one of it's programmers; so Aaron and Priscilla telling him they've had the same creepy powers without calling it God must be a blow.  Peter later locks them up in their hotel room, mostly because he doesn't want Aaron and Priscilla ruining the awesome gig he's got going.  Notice- neither has informed Peter that Aaron can set people on fire at will. After all, we know what Christians do to witches.

They're not going to ask for donations, are they?

A pretty well-beaten Tom is brought to the President, and his sweet-talking doesn't work on the guy.  Lucky for Tom, he's getting a super awesome top secret mission.  Since the Patriots have finally figured out that Monroe is actually still alive, they've decided to re-kill him before The Republic of Texas figures out they screwed up the execution.  So, Tom kills Monroe; and the Patriots don't scoop out his wife's eyes.  Tom also manages to get his son's freedom in the deal.  Eventually, the two of them show up in Willoughby, go back and forth with Truman, and are then on their way to find Miles and Monroe.  Truman tries to act like he's in charge, but unless he's got a tail on Tom and Boyband, he'll have no way of knowing if Tom is actually going to do as promised.  Tom has the slight upper hand in this, as Truman has failed to kill Monroe, and Tom has the confidence of Tony the Tiger.

Team Monroe, in New Vegas, meets the mercenary leader Duncan Blake, who is not the disheveled Son of Anarchy, but the well-groomed brunette who also knows Monroe real identity.  She makes a ridiculous deal for 30 diamond pieces per man, and Monroe stupidly agrees.  Now they just need to steal the diamonds.  Good thing they're already in a casino.

Like Ocean's 3, but much, much dumber

As Miles and Rachel get it on, Connor and Charlie do the same thing.  Charlie confides in Connor that the family's entire mission is suicidal, but she'll keep at it 'til she dies because... family.    So, we have a brainless romantic, and the cynic.  Monroe finds them and can't believe two kids with hormones raging, almost no adult supervision, and no respect for other people's rules anyway would have sex the second they were alone.  I guess a homicidal maniac can be a naive prude.

Once they're all clothed however, they put into place their plan to get the diamonds necessary to buy goons.  It's a classic caper, with Monroe getting the town's attention on him for a prizefight, Connor acting as another distraction when he causes havoc inside the casino, and Charlie running off with the lockbox.  As she climbs the fence, she realizes she can't take the lockbox with her, and leaves it there.  And that was her mistake.  She should have busted it open and left it empty before ditching it, because the casino goons open it to find it was a decoy.  Connor got right back up when the joint was emptied, took the real lockbox from the trashcan Charlie hid it in, and strolled out.  Monroe finished his fight, with Duncan egging him on (she either likes him or really needs to get paid), and met Connor just in time to be bludgeoned by the angry casino owner.  Now Charlie and Duncan will have to save their men.  That's the problem with boy toys - they can never solve their own problems.

Tom finds Miles right away (Truman will be so pissed), worming his way into the farmhouse cellar by sweet-talking Dr. Rachel's Dad.  He and Boyband swear they're on Miles' side, with Tom basically telling Miles what he was planning until his wife turned up alive, and Boyband agreeing it's the truth.  Miles is still suspicious, but might just give in because here's someone willing to fight for free.  The beauty of this scene is, despite Tom's act, you get the feeling he'll turn on the Patriots the second he can.  Would he be willing to cut his losses with a wife he thought was dead anyway, to save his son and actually get revenge on the Patriots?

The Culling Fields - Revolution - Season 2, Episode 12

Grace, the one character who probably could have told the other characters what's really going on and what should be done about it, has disappeared in the night.  Which leaves pretty much where we were at the beginning of the season, with Aaron seeing dead wifey the next morning telling him to go to Lubbock, Texas.  So Spring City was just a side trip to hang with Grace?  Why couldn't the nano reunite him with wife #1 in Lubbock?  And why didn't we get to see the world's second-largest ball of twine?  I call shenanigans.

Connor, his crazy psychopath dad, "Uncle" Miles, and Rachel arrive back to Willoughby's general vicinity just in time to see Dr. Rachel's Dad and Charlie working with the Patriots.  So, Rachel literally walks out from behind a plant and worms her way into a group of new plague victims.  Literally.  None of the other people walking there from the town bother to ask her anything.  The guards just let her walk in.

Rachel Matheson, Master of Disguise

At last Ed Truman recognizes her, and lets her work with Dr. Dad and Charlie, but not before telling her she'll have to eventually tell him where Miles and Aaron are.  Ed Truman might have the worst job in the U.S. right now.  Herding cats in a small town in Texas while watching the Mathesons and Aaron slip in and out of town.  And don't get me started on Truman's look of utter defeat when he sees that Monroe is still alive.

No electricity, but somehow there's still bronzer?

Rachel, a master of sussing out other people's plots and then totally failing at preventing them, does some magic with beakers and bunsen burners, and comes back to tell her dad she can totally tell the disease came from a lab.  Later, she tells her dad that all the plague victims all happened to have some horrible mental problem, and that the Patriots are culling the weak and unfit from Willoughby.  Dr. Dad, after finding out the nefarious scheme, conveniently falls sick himself.  This is convenient, despite the discomforts of typhus, because now the Mathesons and Monroes will get off their butts and cure the disease somehow.  Miles is clever enough to kidnap Truman, inject him with the engineered typhus, and send him off to Willoughby to bring back enough of the cure for Dr. Dad.  However, neither Miles nor Monroe can actually escort Truman by gunpoint, as they are not nearly as crafty as Rachel with a bandana to cover her face.  So, they decide to send Connor in.  

Connor, rightly, thinks this whole thing is a waste of his time.  He's right, so Monroe has to sidebar with him and give him a long, convoluted reason to go.  In a nutshell:  if we help Miles get rid of these Patriots, then he'll help us reclaim the Monroe Republic.  What's wrong with this show is that the writers will find a way of actually making that happen.  Connor makes it into Truman's office, and even finds vials of the typhus cure, but Truman's guards bust in and hold him at gunpoint. 

Back in a very mossy, overgrown and kind of rusty Washington, D.C., Tom and Julia meet totally innocently on a park bench in a deserted area.

Not suspicious at all

Worst conspirators ever.  They have decided to bust Boy Band out of whatever prison he's in, cut their losses, and get out.  Revenge against the Patriots is cancelled so their son can survive.  Set against flashbacks of their first successful scheme to survive, Julia acts weak and stupid so she can worm Boy Band's location from her hubby.  As Julia tells Tom in their flashback that he's not especially strong or fast, but clever, she tells him in the present day that they will have to scheme their way into that prison to rescue Boy Band.  

Their first scheme to save their son at others' expense goes off swimmingly, with Julia using her wiles to distract one redneck while Tom silently knifes the other.  Then, Tom enjoys killing the redneck with Julia a little too much.  Julia just shrugs the whole thing off.  There's a camp to scavenge for food and supplies.  So, of course, Tom and Jules think they've got this covered.  

Tom gets into the house hunky dory, after sneaking in Mission Impossible style.  But hubby is ready for him, with a room full of soldiers pointing guns at Tom while hubby has one pointed at Julia.  Julia has no game face in this scene.  She and Tom are dragged off for interrogation.  

Aaron and his reluctant ex-wife are headed back to Texas, supposedly for answers that Aaron is demanding of his and Priscilla's creation.  Tom and Julia are in for a rougher time than even Boy Band is having now.  And the Matheson/Monroe partnership hasn't produced one tangible benefit for the people of Willoughby.  Is it too late to root for the Patriots?

I Blame the Parents - Revolution - Season 2, Episode 11

Oh, the joys of characters reveling in their parenthood and grandparent-hood.  Watching the older characters lose control of the younger is the just desserts these fuckers have coming.

Connor shows Monroe that he, in fact, has two psychopathic dads.  One biological, the other adopted.  The adopted psychopath, Nunez, spends the episode testing Connor's loyalty now that Monroe wants his son.  Connor's answers and reactions are always a split second late.  Not too late for Nunez to complain, but just enough that we can detect Connor's wavering.  Monroe spends the episode reminding everyone that his magical sperm produced Connor.  Way to go, Bass.  Monroe starts his relationship with Nunez by insulting the man's decorating.  To be fair, it is a ridiculous combination of pretentious Southwest and French Louis XVI.  I just didn't think Monroe would know that.   The party never stops behind the gate at Nunez's, with a live band, lots of candlelight, scantily-clad girls and horny guys hanging all over them.  Wealth means that you get to mitigate the effects of a 16-year blackout.

Nunez first tests Connor by demanding that Connor dream up some undignified fate for Monroe, which turns out to be selling him for a bounty.  Once Texas and the Patriots realize Monroe is still alive (the WORST kept secret EVER), the bids will pour in, by Pony Express.  When Monroe fucks up Miles' escape attempt, it earns Miles a spot right next Monroe behind bars, because Monroe doesn't want Connor to get the blame for their escape.  Monroe, for his troubles, gets whipped by an evermore confused Connor, and called a "dick" by Miles.  Yeah, Miles, you can insult Bass all you want.  But we all know you'll always put your own dick on the line for this guy no matter what he does.  Connor manages to put a stop to the whipping by reminding Nunez they want to make money off of Monroe, alive.

Rachel spends the episode making eyes at one of Nunez's henchmen until she gets invited to the party.  Once inside, she manages to give Horny Guy #15 the slip, pretending she's just looking for the bathroom, but Connor recognizes her, gives her the key to the cell, tells her where she supposedly found it, and leaves her to her own fucked up escape attempt.  Which becomes a standoff when Nunez figures it all out, and holds a knife to Connor as Miles, Monroe and Rachel are stumbling around the halls of Nunez's house.  Connor saves the day, and we leave the Brave Companions camping somewhere in Mexico, with Monroe still making Connor crazy promises.  Imagine if Luke had joined Darth Vader.

It is your DENSITY

Tom and Julia spend the episode around the White House and in the camp just outside it.  Neither trusts the other at this point, so Tom keeps reminding Julia that she promised him a promotion, and Julia keeps telling Tom not to screw this up.  No one notices Boy Band, even after he angrily demands that his father forget his revenge fantasy to stop Julia's new husband from setting up new brainwashing camps all over, including in Willoughby, Texas.  Boy Band goes behind both their backs as they ignore him to trash and search Julia's husband's office, for which he gets caught within the day.  Tom and Julia watch Boy Band get arrested, realizing too late that their son is no longer under their control.  By the way, I refuse to learn the name of Julia's new husband.  He's going to be dead that soon.

Dr. Rachel's Dad (Gene) and Charlie do some bonding over messing up an attempted rescue of Gene's friend from a Patriots' camp outside of Willoughby.  Gene gets there too late to save his old buddy, but Truman doesn't seem to mind Gene and Charlie there at all.  Turns out the camp is for typhus victims, and Gene is scared shitless of another epidemic sweeping through his town.  Truman puts on his serious face as he asks for Gene's help.  I guess now we know what they were injecting the oranges with.  And no, cunt, you can't use that on me.

Aaron, Grace, and Aaron's ex-wife Priscilla have a series of quiet, but revealing scenes.  Aaron and Priscilla piece together that, as the creators of the original program language of the nano tech, they are basically the parents of AI.  They commiserate over hearing voices and seeing fireflies.  Priscilla doesn't reveal any instance where she set shit on fire, though, which I find odd.  Maybe she hasn't been in as much danger as Aaron.  Grace fills in the blanks, remind them of the billions and billions of nanites out there, dwarfing the number of neurons in a human brain.  Basically, the equivalent of thousands' of people brains are just floating around the world, able to go anywhere, access anything, and communicate almost instantly with each other.  Grace thinks it's as close to God as anything will ever get, and she's as close to right as any character on this show will ever get.

The Onion pointed out that a little over half of the show's 30 episodes have featured plot lines of rescues from kidnapping.  What is with the producers'/writers' kidnapping fetish? I wouldn't mind so much if the characters weren't still incompetent at it.  After about 20 rescue attempts, no one still seems to have learned how to do one.  And why does "do anything for family" usually include doing something really stupid that just makes more family problems?

The Mexican Dream - Revolution, Season 2, Episode 10

The Matheson family has made a big deal of trying to stay put this season.  Charlie took off, sowed some wild oats, and then returned with Monroe.  Miles stayed put for Rachel, who stayed put to avoid her own guilt.  Rachel's dad stayed put because he actually belonged in the town.  Aaron stayed put because he was married and didn't have anything else to do.  A gaggle of episodes showed them trying to work together but really just betraying and failing each other repeatedly.  So, it's good to see them splitting up and trying to solve a series of unrelated problems.

Neville, Boyband, Allenford, and now-discovered-alive Julia arrive at the White House.  It needs some refurbishing.   Neville wastes most of the episode at boring receptions being barked at by Mr. Allenford, who's a lot more annoying than his wife. Until, that is, he finally gets down to business and kills the new Chief of Staff with something to make it look like the guy had a heart attack.  The current plan is for Julia's current husband to get the job, and Julia will use the guy to get Neville promoted.  But then what?  They keep talking about everything they want, and when they fight they use the past as weapons, but what exactly is Julia's end game?  Power for herself for a change? And will the super secret document Allenford and Boyband are both freaked out by have anything to do with anything?

Monroe insists on finding his son.  Miles, in a desperate bid to drag him back to Texas after seeing said son, goes with and wants Rachel to come too.  So the three ride horses down to the border with Mexico, and ditch easy rides into Mexico for a ride in a wagon because the Mexicans have one lousy border patrol station along their border with Texas now.  Lots of easy laughs watching Americans desperate for farm jobs in Mexico, and Rachel coyly promising sexual favors to get on the wagon.  Another easy laugh when Monroe knocks out or kills the wagon drivers, tells the other wagon riders they can go now, and the three proceed to find someone named Connor.

Connor turns out to be some kind of gringo Mexican Mafia don, or at least he's an enforcer who's been made.  And he has 30 men who report to him!  Oooooh.  Monroe is not terribly impressed, as Monroe has lost bigger armies than his son's ever commanded, but Monroe is still desperate to talk to Connor anyway and Connor, shocked that his dad is the supposedly-dead leader of a dead republic, tosses Monroe to the curb.  Monroe responds by returning later, after being told off by Rachel for having a really nasty kid, wanting to offer Connor the chance of a lifetime: come back to the States and we'll fight 'em all. And run the place.  Connor isn't impressed, and Monroe is taken to someone named Nunez.  Rachel complains about have to die saving Monroe in Mexico, and Miles asks her if she's glad she came.  Rachel, after realizing that Miles isn't leaving Mexico with Monroe, and perhaps realizing that Miles is never going to leave his BFF to die, ever, agrees to help.

Aaron, after spending 1-1/2 seasons demanding he be babysat or he would die, wanders off, alone, to Spring City, Oklahoma, after grilling Rachel on what significance it could possibly have had with the nano tech.  He makes it Oklahoma, which is quite a walk for just one episode, and finds Grace, who has lost weight after finally get out of the tower.  She's not fucking around anymore, though, greeting Aaron with a rifle at first.  She puts it down right away, because Aaron has gone back to being the least harmful person on the planet.  Still no second-largest ball of twine in the world.  Where is it????

Gene, Rachel's Dad, and Charlie are at first concerned that Aaron is gone, and attempt to find him.  But Gene sees two wagons instead.  Fully loaded with something covered.  Forgetting all about Aaron, and fearing more weapons, he follows the wagons to the wall of Willoughby, hearing that another wagon is due tomorrow.  So, he and Charlie take it.  Charlie kills the lovely couple driving it, to Gene's shock, but Charlie just shrugs off his disapproval.  They're both shocked when the super weapon turns out to be Vitamin C.  Lots of it.

We later see Harry Truman and his henchman distributing the oranges that made it, while reminding the older people that they used to live like kings, because the States were United.  As he speaks, the screen shows Patriots filling the oranges with something from syringes.  So, you could get oranges from Florida, and go anywhere in the 50 states without a passport, Truman says.  Here's an orange.  From Florida.  So, you'll totally be on board with the Patriots now, won't you?