A Series of Awkward Events - Game of Thrones - Season 5, Episode 5

Grey Worm lives!  And Missandhei wants to be there when he wakes up, watching him sleep, agonizing over the bad news she must confirm for him.  Selmy is dead, and Daenarys Targaryen sits in vigil over his body.  It's cold in that room, as Daario and Hizdar Lo Loraq attend her.  Loraq, realizing his position is more fragile than ever, tries to offer consolation.  But, there is none.  The Sons of the Harpy didn't trust kill a trusted advisor and guard; they showed they can strike at Dany's elite, and draw blood.

Also notice:  Dany now has no advisors from Westeros.  For a character that eventually wants to sit on the Iron Throne, Tyrion is sure going to valuable when he shows up.  Let's hope Varys is on his way to Mereen, too.  'Cause Jorah ain't gonna' make it.

In the meantime, Dany's got a full-blown revolt going, that has taken her Queensguard, and put the Commander of the Unsullied in bed.  Daario wants to set up a zone by Dany's great pyramid for civilians, then sweep through the rest of the city, Fallujah-style.  Hizdar is mortified by this idea.  Besides, didn't Dany's armies and armed rebelling slaves already do that?  Dany decides that the first demonstration of her execution powers wasn't enough.  It's time for her kids to earn their allowance.

Viserion and Rhaeghal haven't seen any action for four episodes now, but they're already behaving better to Dany.  Mostly because she brought someone else for them to roast alive.  Dany rounds up the heads of the richest Mereen families, confident they were the organizers of the latest bloodbath. Hizdar is horrified by the idea, mostly because that includes him.

About four men, chained together, are frightened and pleading for their lives.  Except Hizdar, who slowly decides he'll die without showing Dany any fear of her or her children.  Dany wanders among her condemned, bemusedly explaining that her dragons always come first.  She only gives her two imprisoned children one of the men to "judge".  They return a "guilty" verdict after, like, no deliberation.  His execution is to be burned alive, then torn apart.

Off with his everything!

Only Hizdar stays silent.  Dany reaches out to touch him, only to find that he's not even trembling in fear.  Maybe he's disappointed that Dany's killing them without a trial.  Maybe he feels that Dany really doesn't mean to write a new future for Mereen. Something about him convinces Dany that she can feed Viserion and Rhaegal more Mereen noblemen later.

That Dany is struggling with little guidance from anyone who has ever ruled before is obvious all the way at Castle Black, where Sam Tarley is reading what was the latest news a month ago out to Maester Aemmon Targaryen, who is her great great uncle.  Jon interrupts, looking for the advice Aemmon wishes he could give Dany; if half of your men will hate you for doing the right thing, issuing the right command, then so be it.  Aemmon is quite clear; pissing people off is a part of growing up.

Jon first takes his idea to Tormund Giantsbane himself, the last of the Free Folk who could lead the other Free Folk.  Tormund doesn't want to be a leader, and he doesn't want a peaceful resolution to his imprisonment or his people's very lives.  Jon shames him into accepting his deal of ships to bring the Free Folk to Westeros,.  He's not afraid of Tormund Giantsbane, which he proves by unchaining him.  He's afraid that the Free Folk will be wiped out by the dead, and march on The Wall as warriors that can only be killed with fire and dragonglass.  The Wall will protect them from the White Walkers, and prevent them from being more Fighting Zombies for Jon to worry about.  

Almost every Brother, even Ollie, hates the idea.  The Free Folk butchered his family, relatives, and friends.  How could they possibly ever be allowed into Westeros?  Jon tries to comfort Ollie with talk of this being necessary to guard against the White Walkers to come.  As Aemmon says, Winter isn't coming.  It's here.  Time to band together, even with people you hate.  Because the enemy coming isn't human.  Stannis isn't fond of loaning Jon the ships needed to gather the Free Folk and bring them to Westeros.  But, it's Jon's Wall now, and he can let people through if he wants.  

Sam understands.  And Stannis, though he hasn't seen these creatures, is willing to accept that Sam and Eddison aren't lying or crazy about the White Walkers.  He wanders into the library at Castle Black while Sam is trying to remind Gilly that her skills tending to home and hearth are as valuable as his book learning.  One is reminded, once again, how sad it will be that Sam and Shireen are being separated.  They both love their books, while appreciating that not all of life is in them.

However, Shireen is off to Winterfell with her father, mother, and Melisandre.  While she's riding under what protection her father's guards and hired armies can provide, Sam is sweeping through the library of Castle Black, looking for any information on White Walkers and how to fight and kill them.  He's currently got very little information, mostly rumors of the Children of the Forest, last seen at the end of Season 4 saving Bran's ass.  Stannis wants more, showing more leadership of Westeros in the space of a month than Cersei has in years.

Stannis, finally, rides off, south, through the gates of Castle Black.  Melisandre, seeing that Jon can't wait to be rid of her, rides at Stannis' side.  His army and family follow.  Ser Davos, in another bonding moment with Shireen, bucks her up for the ordeal and bloodshed ahead.  They won't overwhelm Roose Bolton like they did the Free Folk.

In fact, they won't even surprise Roose Bolton.  With Stannis' army coming and Roose fully aware, one would think that that might be more important than a double dinner date.  Shouldn't Ramsay be readying his troops, instead of locking down his future mistress with a naked death threat?  Miranda, it turns out, is the daughter of the guy who keeps Ramsay's dogs, so she, of course, knows where a certain person Sansa would be interested in is kept.  After kind of a fruitless conversation, where Miranda tries to make Sansa sad over her dead mother, she leads Sansa to a classic Mean Girl Trick.  

In fact, Sansa totally expects one of Ramsay's dogs to leap out its cage, and for Miranda to quick close the gate and lock her in with a homicidal beast.  Miranda, knowing she'd never get away with killing someone so valuable, really just wanted to horrify her with the current sight of Theon Greyjoy, now thoroughly beaten down into Reek.

Ramsay Bolton, literally, looks and acts more and more like a vampire everyday.  He spends the evening riding Reek, humiliating him in front of Sansa, by making him serve dinner, and publicly apologize to Sansa for killing her brothers.  Ramsay presents Reek and his stuttering apology like a wedding gift to his fiancee, who isn't particularly impressed.  After all, the guy who murdered her brother, his wife, and her mother is sitting right across from her, and he doesn't have to apologize at all.  

So, no apology about Robb?  Really????

Roose, while he won't scold his son at the dinner table, will make him uncomfortable by letting Lady Walda announce she's pregnant.  With, presumably, a second possible heir for Winterfell.  Everyone at the table knows how little Ramsay will like the news.  The second Roose has a second son, he's expendable.  He told Miranda that jealousy bores him.  Must be a family thing, because Ramsay's jealousy of his yet unborn sibling bores Roose.

In order to placate his son, who he'll need to beat back Stannis, Roose launches into the sad story of Ramsay's conception, which involved rape and murder.  Roose has no remorse about raping a commoner under her husband's hanged corpse.  When presented with the result of his rape, a baby, Roose was ready to kill it as a fraud; but one look confirmed the babe was his blood.  Without a legal son, his plan has probably always been to get Ramsay declared his heir.  Ned Stark was very likely loathe to help him, since Ramsay is a psychopath; the Lannisters had no such qualms.  

Both Ramsay and Shireen Baratheon have, lately, wanted their fathers to validate them.  Ramsay wants to make sure his inheritance is secure, while Shireen just wants her father's affection.  And, Stannis has spent the last six episodes earning our grudging respect, mostly because he's a caring and fair father.  Roose has earned our grudging respect, but we'd love to see him lose. and his private moment with Ramsay only confirms why.  Roose isn't much better, deep down, than Ramsay; he just has better table manners.

While Roose and Ramsay reaffirm their commitment to keeping the North for themselves, Sansa finds that they don't hold as much power over Winterfell as they think.  Brienne finds it easy to persuade a local servant to sneak a message to Sansa's new maid.  Podrick wonders if she's not better off at Winterfell.  Brienne thinks that anywhere Littlefinger took her or Roose Bolton keeps her isn't safe.  Brienne is wrong about one thing; Sansa knows she's not safe at Winterfell.  After all, the North remembers.  And, she's going to remember where to light that candle, even if it's the window her brother fell from all those months ago.  Does she know that Brienne is her secret protector?

We join Tyrion and Jorah, still on their tiny boat headed towards Mereen.  Tyrion would like to pass their voyage with a little conversation.  Or, at least, some wine.  Jorah has none of either.  Tyrion reminds him that sullen silence and sudden violence is his family trait, but the two are slowly engrossed by where Jorah's route takes them; through the smoking ruin of old Valyria.  

Valyria is the ancestral homeland of the Targaryen line, and their dragons.  It's a series of islands, with a ton of volcanoes.  Guess how Valyria went down?  Turns out, it wasn't a good idea to build magnificent cities right by active volcanoes.  Valyria was destroyed, with the few who lived spreading around Essos to conquer.  The Targaryens conquered Westeros from the Andals and Rhoynar and First Men.

Jorah's turned in here to avoid pirates. We know, from Stannis last week, that victims of Grayscale known as Stone Men live here.  And we now know that Jorah should have taken his chances with pirates.  Because Stone Men strike at the worst time, just as you've bonded a bit with your traveling companion, and you've both been wowed by a dragon flying overhead.

You're not hungry, right?

Their wonder at Valyria's flying resident is stopped by a splash right in front of them.  From that, the Stone Men assault the boat, and only Jorah has free hands to fight them.  We learn real fast that if someone with Grayscale touches your bare skin, you're done, and Tyrion ends up jumping into the water before he can be infected.  A cold hand grabs his boots, trying to drag him under, but Jorah ends up rescuing Tyrion and dragging him to an unnamed beach.  

Boatless, with Jorah carrying him and swimming to shore, they can only look at Valyria, now distant in the setting sun, as they commiserate that they must travel on foot.  Jorah hides from Tyrion that he's got a new, more dire problem; he's been infected.  There are no Maesters to treat him.  And, we heard from Gilly that Grayscale ruins the mind.  Does Jorah hope to reach Mereen, and some kind of treatment?

Back in Mereen, Grey Worm finally wakes to Missandhei having to give him the bad news about Selmy.  Grey Worm is angry at himself, but he also decides that it's time to admit to Missandhei that he can't live without her.  They share a tender kiss, but that doesn't solve Mereen's problems.

Dany manages to pull Missandhei from nursing duty.  She needs advice.  Her counselor, a man who knew her father, is dead.  Jorah is gone.  Daario wants to clean the city of potential rebels.  Missandhei doesn't think she's qualified to counsel a queen.  But she has a good memory, and she reminds Dany that her greatest triumph was when she found a solution that had occurred to neither of her counselors.  In fact, the stunning victory from going her own way brought her new allies.

Dany now has to come up with a way to stop the nobles from rebelling without killing them all.  She now has to come up with something that's not mercy or justice.  So, she does what she does best; she forges a new way.  She visits Hizdar, still locked in prison, who's not so brave now, and has no problem admitting that he doesn't want to die.  Dany reminds him that it takes a certain courage to admit when one's afraid.  Just like it takes courage to admit when one's wrong.  She tells him that she'll give him his repeated wish to re-open the fighting pits of Slavers' Bay, though to free men willing to fight only. 

And, she decides that the nobles need to see her as their queen.  The best way to do this is to cement a tie to an old family.  And, wouldn't you know it, there's this guy who's young, healthy, and not a dick around.  Hizdar realizes he's engaged.

Keep in mind, that with a foreign husband, Dany just made getting the Iron Throne harder.  With herself to offer as a wife to a family she could use in Westeros, she could have gained armies and loyal lords.  Instead, she's embedding herself more deeply into Essos' society.  Will Dany have to choose between being a Queen in the East, and the Dragon of the West?

You Don't Get to Die - Scandal - Season 4, Episode 21

There are times, watching Scandal, that there shouldn't be a case of the week for Olivia to handle.  Olivia is trying a massive effort to bring down B-613 and her father for good, and she really doesn't have time for these things.  But, the show has this one touch with reality- those cases that you and I feel are a distraction pay the bills.  They also show how unbeatable Olivia is at her job and how unbeatable her father is at his job.

Today's case provides Rowan with a chance to spy on Olivia, and foil her kidnapping of Russell.  It also provides a way for Mellie to prove Cy right while advancing her campaign for Senator.  And it also provides one of the bravest moments I've seen on television. In. A. Long. Time. Think back; you've probably seen everything the universe can throw at someone on TV.  But have you ever seen an abortion?  Olivia holds Martinez's hand as the vacuum tube is switched on and starts sucking the embryo out.  Martinez lets a tear fall; she would probably have loved to be pregnant by a man she cared for.  Instead, she's aborting her rapist's reminder of how he violated her.

Olivia's treatment of Ensign Martinez, raped and desperately wanting an abortion, is in stark contrast to Russell's new status.  Olivia seems to have bought the apartment next door.  Maybe so it can be her kidnapping HQ instead of someone else's.  It's empty, the only remains of the previous neighbor her old curtains, blowing in the wind and letting golden light shine in on Huck and Quinn's brutal torture regimen.  Who did not cringe in empathy pain when Quinn power-drilled into Russell's kneecap?

All this trouble, which Olivia assures Russell will be worse than the death she refuses to give him, is to discover the meaning of "Operation Foxtail".  Jake, in Olivia's bed, recuperating to the sounds of Russell's agony, would like Olivia to tell him what's going on.  He'll settle for relieving Huck of torture duty for a while so he and Russell can share a beer and jointly bitch about what a shitty boss Rowan is.  They trade his most stinging barbs with each other.  Rowan's gift is in guilting his agents.  He likes to break them down, and build them back into machines that just want to please Rowan.  Rowan also likes to remind his agents that they really are just pawns in his games.  Let your agents feel they're important to someone, and they just might feel like real people.

Russell is happy to have a pain-free moment to trash talk his boss; but he's still Rowan's loyal soldier.  Does he think the Gladiators have no chance, and wants to stick with a winning side?  Or, does he think Rowan will finally give him some validation?  Jake's attempt to help Olivia cope with yet another boyfriend turning out to be her father's informant is a preview of events to come, and from the most unexpected place.

Susan Ross continues refusing to obey Fitz on principle; she semi-kidnaps Olivia's next client from a Navy aircraft cruiser, so the woman has a chance to actually get some justice against her rapist.  With her alleged attacker a man in command of a huge chunk of the Navy officers that will try him, justice is a slim shot, even with Olivia in her corner at Susan's request.  Who didn't enjoy Olivia readying herself to see Fitz when she saw the Secret Service, knowing she was getting someone much more formidable?

Who didn't enjoy the way that almost every woman on the show rallied to Ensign Martinez's side?  Only Lizzy Bear looked neutral, willing to let the military handle the matter, while every other woman demanded that Fitz Do Something.  Fitz wants everyone to have some faith in military justice; but the female Scandal characters long ago lost hope that regular justice can help rape victims.  Abby detests having to dodge questions when she'd rather personally castrate Martinez's attacker.  Mellie can't believe Martinez would just be left to fend for herself in a system that salutes the guy who raped her. (Remember, Mellie's been raped by a powerful man herself; she knows what Martinez is enduring).

Olivia and Quinn basically have to do the investigative work that Martinez's JAG lawyer, Virgil Puckleberry, doesn't even know how to do.  He shows up to the first deposition, with books he obviously hasn't read, and complaining of an Ambien hangover.  Olivia and Quinn are already convinced that the guy is no help; his incompetent questioning only confirms their first impressions.  Virgil is privy to their strategizing on finding evidence of Admiral Halsy's whereabouts during the crime, and getting Martinez an abortion.  He decides that Naval Traditions have nothing on Olivia and her Gladiators.

In the end, Fitz's secret help to Olivia's investigation, which turns up security logs, and probably some surveillance videos, also helps Mellie's campaign.  While Abby has to pretend to not be involved or on Martinez's side, Mellie and Fitz work out Mellie's position on Martinez's search for justice.  It involves Mellie ditching the idea to rehash her son's death on the same stage he died on, for a speech that links supporting justice for rape victims with support for the troops.  If you support the troops, you need to support justice for military rape victims.  And by the way, voting for Mellie is a way to thumb a supposedly-not-concerned President in the eye on the issue.

So, Cy is right; but, will every advance Mellie makes in her own career be at Fitz's expense?  So far, Fitz is willing to take a hit.  Maybe he hopes that this season's legislative successes will help historians forget about West Angola.  With his next ambition to be the mayor of a small Vermont town, maybe he feels he can afford the political hits.

Mellie is great at describing how she's got to disagree with Fitz, because of course she's right.  She's great at making her political opinions appear to be the values of whatever people she's speaking to.  Their support of her can be a message to a President.  Even Lizzy, in the doghouse for pressing Mellie to play the dead-son card, has to be impressed, using Mellie's success at campaigning to line up her next big donor.  Lizzy wants Mellie to use the energy she just created to wow him into supporting ads that can run until election day.

Olivia and Quinn, saying goodbye to a relieved and happy and vindicated Martinez, say nothing about where the video of Halsey violently attacking one of his subordinate officers came from.  Huck was busy torturing Russell for Operation Foxtail Easter Eggs.  Was Fitz the inside source?  Martinez's JAG lawyer, Virgil, isn't around to praise the Gladiators.  Quinn and Olivia, leaving Martinez in some Naval Office Building that is also the headquarters for JAG, quickly realize why.

Olivia also realizes it was a big mistake, earlier in the episode, to invite Virgil to her apartment for a strategizing session.  Virgil asked why one of her gladiators needed to go to the apartment next door; Olivia's explanation that it was getting some work done that she was responsible for didn't convince Rowan's inside man at all.  We see three discordant images, all made possible by Martinez's case and Olivia's work:  the photo of the real Virgil: the real Virgil's dead body as his impostor readies for the role Jake described earlier; and Russell's rescue.  Despite Russell's assurances that he gave no info, I fully expect Rowan to kill Russell.

But then, I didn't expect Operation Foxtail's target to be Mellie.  Rowan is gracious as he meets Mellie, the big donor she's got to impress for some major campaign cash.  Is his goal to co-opt her?  Or, is she his next victim?  Let's hope You-Don't-Get-To-Die applies to her, too.

A Brand New Night - Gotham - Season 1, Episode 22

Bad guys play their end games.  Barbara goes totally freaking insane.  And, once again, Bullock is the only one with some sense in his head.

First, I really hope we've seen the last of Fish Mooney.  Nothing made the overall action of the show stop deader than one of her scenes.  Does anyone remember the name of the girl who she used to get to Falcone half a season ago?  Does anyone know what an island approximately two days' travel where people lose parts has to do with Gotham?  Her whole purpose, as a character, was to try to kill Oswald and Falcone.  And fail.

Speaking of Oswald, Jim has officially called him Penguin.  And, he is raving like a lunatic on a roof edge by the night's end, so I think we can retire the name "Oswald".

Bruce will basically spend the episode looking at all his dad's books, so we can leave him for the end.  Instead, we'll note that the show put Cat in Fish's new, punk gang simply to get her in the season finale without having to come up with a separate plot for her.  Maybe Fish could have been the mentor that Cat needed to truly become the pilfering thrill-seeker we'll come to love; that could have been a great addition to the series.

But, the series is really about Bruce and Jim, revolving around each other, in and out of each others' lives.  The other characters wander in and out of both Bruce and Jim's lives, creating a chain of heroes, villains, and soon-to-be villains.    This show isn't about how a homeless teenager becomes the stuff of burglary legend.  This show is how a rookie cop led a crusade to clean up a city, and a scared boy will grow up to help him.

The show has yet to tackle one of the Batman Legend's central conflicts: how do you stand for law and order when you're a vigilante?  Jim has spent a season working inside the system, outsmarting and outfighting every attempt to knock down his ideals.  Now, just as he appears to be the leader GCPD needs, he's already given up on staying in Gotham, and decides Falcone needs to be running Gotham's criminals.  It's a strange reversal, but it allows Jim to confront Falcone in the hospital right when the crime boss needs him.

Falcone, injured in an RPG attack on him while he indulges in his fondness for chickens, is about to be slashed by none other than Penguin.  Penguin literally parades through the hospital, with Butch openly carrying a high-powered rifle along the hall with him.  Penguin just can't help grinning as he confesses his plot to kill Falcone.  Penguin assures Falcone that he actually likes the guy, but he wants Falcone's job.

Everyone, it seems wants Falcone's job.  Maroni is coming to the hospital with the same aim as Penguin, and it's only a just-informed Jim standing between the two crime bosses and the would-be crime boss.  By the time this happens, Penguin and Butch are handcuffed in the hospital room, and a pissy Penguin has to remind Jim that since he and Butch are in police custody, Jim will have to protect them, too.  Oh, and Jim still owes him that favor.

Well, Jim more than repays the favor in a shootout throughout a quickly-emptied hospital.  Right after telling Commissioner Loeb, who briefly appears in something that resembles a dream sequence, that the guy's a disgrace.  Side note: the action of the shootout, shot with some sort of yellow ochre filter over the lens, is supposed to distract you from the question: isn't anyone there to mind the other patients???? Were they evacuated, too????  It takes Jim a whole minute to get through them all.  Unlike other episodes, Bullock doesn't arrive in time to save the day- he arrives right after Jim's shot all the bad guys, hands up so Jim doesn't shoot him, too.

Falcone, at first, wants to reclaim his empire,  He says it will take two days. So, Jim, Bullock, Penguin and Butch escape the hospital by plowing through Maroni and his extra gunmen in an ambulance.  They spend some time skulking through the city after dark, presumably because there are no more cars in the city.  During which time, they're found by a ragtag gang of punks.

Who, turn out to be Fish's loyal buds from the transplant "hospital" island.  And a new recruit: Cat, with a Pat Benatar hairstyle.  Oddly enough, no one asks her, even during the brief villain/hero chat  what's the deal with her new blue eye.  Everyone's too busy wondering why she's killing all the main characters in the first place.  Turns out, she's putting together her own deal with Maroni.

When it turns out the deal comes with Maroni as her boss, and a wildly sexist boss at that, the deal's off and Maroni is finally dead.  But, hey, at least Fish is relaxed.  Jim and Co. briefly scurry away, only to be dragged back, then they get to scurry away again when Penguin decides he's had enough of this shit day.  Penguin storms the place with a machine gun, then demonically pursues Fish, who he's sure is the cause of all his problems.

Sometime between the morning, and the first time they escape Fish, Falcone has decided that he's done with this town.  Jim is calling him the least of the bad options, and grudgingly accepting that Falcone can actually control Gotham's criminals better than GCPD can, when all of a sudden Falcone just decides to hand Gotham to Jim.  Now, free of Fish, Jim decides to take them all to a place he has no business being:  Barbara's apartment.

Which, due to a Fatal Attraction-like plot point, has become the scene of a screaming, panting brawl between Lee and Barbara.  I won't get too much into it, as it involves Lee doing psychiatric work she's not really qualified for, in Barb's apartment, which is also wildly unprofessional.  It involves knives, and breaking down a bathroom door, and Barb's head being repeatedly bashed into a stone floor until she passes out.

Bullock sums up Barb's entire character arc perfectly.  And, since he mentions it, he did warn Jim that Barb was trouble.  Twenty episodes ago.  Can she go to Arkham now?

Nygma's got his own girl troubles.  Basically, the clue he left in Doherty's note, causes the inevitable trouble it was going to cause.  Kris Kringle's had plenty of time to go over the note again and again, which women will do, looking for Doherty's emotions in every word.  Instead, she found the first letters of each line spell out a very specific name.  Nygma is interested, but treats it like a coincidence, and Kris can only walk away, not convinced but not helped.

Ever since killing Doherty, Nygma's been starting to talk to himself.  He doesn't do it in the distracted way normal people do.  He's having a full-blow conversation between what's left of his sanity and some gleeful thing that loves leaving word puzzles to cover his crimes.  And the gleeful word puzzle guy really likes a good laugh.  And wonders if maybe Kris is too dangerous to let live.

Falcone and Jim, presumably after getting Barbara in handcuffs and sent to a hospital for her head injury, have decided to hang out in Barbara's apartment.  Cause, reasons.  The city's war, without Maroni and Falcone to fight it, has started to die down.  Falcone is still retiring somewhere nice.  And, he reminds Jim that he was friends with Jim's dad by giving him something of Gordon, Sr.'s.  A knife.  A wicked-looking knife.  Gordon carried it during his career as a prosecutor, until he gave it Falcone.  Falcone points out that Gordon, Sr., was an honest man.  But honesty didn't protect him.

Falcone has realized that Jim doesn't need a relationship with the mob to do his job; Jim can already do his job.  Just as long as Jim remembers that he's got to protect himself, Jim can keep his honesty.  Falcone, the only lesson he has to teach Jim taught, can now walk away into his future.

After apprehending Jim and Co. the first time, Fish has been worrying over Butch.  Butch, who was programmed to be Penguin's assistant, becomes a scared little boy when the programming starts to wear off.  He doesn't know which part of his brain to listen to.  So, when Penguin finally finds Fish for their final fight, and Butch gets a gun, he doesn't know who to shoot.  Fish pleads with him to remember who loves him; Penguin screeches that Butch is his!

Butch does what anyone confused in Gotham should do; he shoots both criminals.  Fish is moaning in pain, but still alive and awake.  Butch goes right to her, and she's surprisingly forgiving, still blaming whatever programming Butch endured.  Penguin is not so charitable.  Butch is quickly knocked over with a wood plank, and Penguin simply charges Fish, launching her over the rooftop.  She screams before she hits the water below.  She doesn't surface.

While a horrified Butch watches, Penguin has the most childish victory celebration ever.  He extends himself from the parapet, screaming his triumph in Gotham's crime world for all Gotham to heed.

Bruce, after a day of searching all his dad's books, based on some reminiscing by himself and Alfred, still hasn't found anything his dad might have done or hidden to bring down Wayne Enterprise's criminal leadership.  Until, that is, someone tosses out a line originally written by a Stoic philosopher, which leads Bruce to a book that he didn't search before?  Which reveals a remote hidden in the cover.

Alfred double dog dares Bruce to press the remote's one button.  And, we're treated to Prokofiev's Dance of the Knights, blaring through the study as the fireplace, somehow, floats away (pulley system?).  Bruce has either discovered he's really been living in Hogwarts the whole time, or he finds a tunnel his dad made, Shawshank Redemption-style.  It's dark and leads to steps going down.  Bruce and Alfred peer into the darkness from the warm light of the study, hoping that maybe it's a rec room or something.

And, that's our season.  Characters are pretty set at this point.  Bruce is the older-than-his-years persistent searcher.  Alfred is his often-disregarded voice of caution.  Jim is the clever, talented, badass pursuer of justice, while Bullock is his often-disregarded voice of caution.  Lee proves that Jim really doesn't have to worry about her after all, while Barbara will be in a madhouse.  Penguin has all of Gotham's criminal underworld to take for himself, if he can.  Nygma's one crime will lead to more.  Essen will float in and out, trying to make sense of what Jim and Bullock are up to. Cat will float in, declare everyone is wasting their time, and float back out.

Is this enough for a whole show?  The show tries to use a case-of-the-week to show Jim's slow progression to the Commissioner's office, while Bruce eventually has to give up on Jim's investigation, and then his own.  Will the next season show them actually taking charge, as we know they will?  Will Jim decide it's time for Loeb to go, and get him fired?  Will Bruce decide it's time to really learn how to fight?

The format is great for a show that you don't want to spend too much time thinking about.  With everyone's progression into characters we'll come to know later, there's plenty of time to just skip through, and check in occasionally.  One gets the feeling that no one episode is special, and that you don't actually have to watch every episode.

Does the Odyssey approach really work with a mass audience, though?  Ulysseys takes ten years to fight a war, then ten more years to get home.  Do we really want to live through twenty years, day by day, in each episode?   My own opinion is that the characters will have to become more engaging to watch, week in and week out, for that to happen.  Donal Logue's Bullock is a joy to watch, but will need to become less repetitive.  Lee needs to stop wavering between His Girl Friday and Dana Scully.  Pick one, Lee. Cat needs to successfully pull a crime off, now and then. Penguin is already awesome, he just needs to get awesome-er.  Jim needs to start acting more like a regular guy.  And Bruce needs to get his ass in school, for fuck's sake.  With every step away from comic book tropes of the mid-20th century, the show becomes better able to stand on its own.

Tales From The Crypt - Game of Thrones - Season 5, Episode 4

What a difference a dead dad makes.  Cersei, Jaime, and Tyrion are all having a completely different season than last year.  All because they get to make their own fuck ups, instead of hanging around King's Landing bitching about everything.  What a difference a dead knight-for-babysitter makes.  With The Hound gone, Arya is no longer wandering in search of a plot.  What a difference a dead King-Beyond-The-Wall makes.  What a difference a soon-to-be-gone King makes.  With Mance Rayder executed, and Stannis more worried about leaving to take Winterfell from the Boltons, Jon can get to the work of running the Night's Watch.  What a difference a lost spymaster makes.  Now, Tyrion must go back to living by his wits.  What a difference a lost family makes.  Sansa is reclaiming her family heritage, on her terms.

The authority figures are all gone; we are left with characters who have learned the fine art of muddling through, and intend to do it to their utmost. The episode presents characters in pairs, and lets them play off each other.  Jon and Sam, then Jon and Melisandre.  Stannis and Shireen, who share a brief warmness while a cold, snowy Castle Black looms around them.  Jaime and Bronn play off each other every waking moment.   Cersei and her newest would-be lackey, the High Sparrow, dance around each other.  Dany and Selmy, and then Selmy and Grey Worm.  Tommen and Margaery. Petyr and Sansa.

The only bigger grouping is that of Ellaria Sand, her daughter Ellia (the youngest with short hair),  and her "step-daughters", Nym (the whip wielder), and Oberra (the spear thrower).  All the young women are the daughters of Prince Oberyn, dead by trial by combat against The Mountain.  And all the women want revenge, and are willing to bring war to get it.

With Lord Mace Tyrell sailing to Braavos and unable to help his children should they need him, Cersei's uses the High Sparrow to close Petyr Littlefinger's brothel and arrest Loras, her own betrothed (well, probably not now; that's one way to get out of an engagement).  It has the bonus of ending Tommen and Margaery's honeymoon.  The new, head-stamped Faith Militant, armed with hand weapons and self-righteousness, resemble a Westerosi version of the Taliban, ruining everyone's good time.  The men at Littlefinger's brothel there for gay sex get the worst of it.  Lancel isn't the quiet young man he was at Tywin's funeral.  He's one of the most spiteful of them all.

Cersei thinks she's getting ahead; but how many of King's Landing will turn against her, since on top of everything else, they must now endure the morality police?  And, how long does she think Tommen will back down and displease his wife?  Cersei has boxed her own son up, leaving him no good choices.  He can order the Kingsguard to slay the Faith Militant so he can demand Loras be released, or back down and face Margaery's contempt, as well as admit to the populace that he'll run like a mouse away from their now openly shouted accusations against his mother.   Surrounded by his Kingsguard, he doesn't have to fear being harmed- but the crowd's open contempt of his mother and true parentage have him realizing his reign really isn't secure.

Margaery, instead of pouting and withholding, should really be handling this for him.  Then, she could present it to Tommen as a means of securing his complete trust and loyalty.  She's just as clever as Cersei, if less experienced.  And, she should know Cersei's weaknesses by now.  Cersei's already put herself in danger; Lancel knows her past adultery, and how Robert Baratheon really died. With the crowds of King's Landing openly insulting her son as a product of incest, how long until the High Sparrow comes for the Dowager Queen?

At the Wall, a different King gets ready to roll.  With the snows of winter already at Castle Black, Stannis should already have left to make the trudge to Winterfell easier.  But, there are still some scenes to play out.  Jon has to decisively reject Melisandre; and Stannis has to have some quality time with Shireen.  Their scene is the second description of Grayscale this season;  Gilly described the end of the disease last week.  This week, Stannis describes the beginning.  He could have learned to avoid all displays of affection after his first one went so disastrously.  Instead, he's spent her childhood seeing to her every need, raising her to be a good-natured, mature young woman.  Stannis isn't one for hugs, but Shireen's whole-hearted embrace can't be refused.  Not even at gloomy Castle Black.

Far away from the shafts of sunlight interrupted by snowflakes, Ser Jorah "commandeers" a fishing boat for his and Tyrion's use.  Separated from Varys, boredom and apathy quickly leave Tyrion and now that he's sober, his mind goes to work.  From Jorah's armor, he figures out who his kidnapper is.  And, he even figures out what direction they're going to.  When Jorah only tells him that he's taking Tyrion to Queen Danaerys Targaryen, Tyrion breathes a sigh of relief.  He tries to assure Jorah that's where he was going anyway, but Jorah's not in a trusting mood.

Jorah's funk makes Tyrion's mind work again, and he also quickly deduces that his new traveling companion is a desperate man.  Tyrion, after he comes to, is going to be working on a way to make sure Jorah is executed while Tyrion is brought into her inner circle.  Getting kidnapped is the best thing that could have happened to him.  Without Varys to arrange everything, Tyrion will have to use his head, or lose it.

Sansa, now home at the new Winterfell, now the seat of Roose Bolton and his heir Ramsay Bolton, makes a stop at the underground crypts of Winterfell.  Last used when Bran and Rickon hid from Theon Greyjoy among the tombs and statues, Sansa is now trying to re-enact her father's old habit of visiting the statue of Lyanna Stark.

Petyr joins her in her vigil; together, they recite the sad history of house Stark.  Lyanna, Ned Stark's sister, was engaged to Robert Baratheon, who loved her passionately.  Lyanna and just about every other noble person in Westeros turned out for the last turney before Robert's Rebellion, when all the fighting would be real.  Prince Rhaegar Targaryen, eldest son of the Mad King, won all his matches, even against famed Barristan Selmy of the Kingsguard.  It must have been a good-natured jousting, as we find out later in the episode the two were good friends.   Prince Rhaegar was married with two kids back then (to Oberyn's sister, Ellia), but that didn't stop him from presenting his trophy to Lyanna Stark, instead of his own wife.  The insult wasn't just to his wife, or Lyanna, or House Stark.  House Baratheon was insulted as well.

Rhaegar must have known what he was doing, and risking, that day.  To insult the Houses of Martell, Stark, and Baratheon in one move was foolish for a Crown Prince who would need loyal noblemen one day.  It was an injury to Lyanna, as she was pretty much forced to accept a gift from a  man not her betrothed.  To make it worse, that one incident wasn't enough.  Rhaegar ended up later absconding with Lyanna, whisking her away.  This led to Houses Baratheon and Stark rebelling against the Mad King.  And, led House Lannister to the slaughter of Princess Ellia and her children.  And Oberyn's attempted revenge a generation later.

Houses Baratheon and Stark were convinced that Lyanna was kidnapped and raped.  But, there's no record of Lyanna's will in all this.  Maybe because she was a woman, maybe because no one had the chance to ask her anything in the fighting.  What we know, is that when Robert's Rebellion didn't end, Rhaegar himself joined the fight against the Rebels, culminating in his 'bout with Robert Baratheon, and his end from Robert's hammer.  Ned later found Lyanna stashed away in Dorne, guarded by a few knights loyal to Rhaegar.  He had only hours with her; she died of some untreated disease, but not before extracting a promise out of Ned.  A promise that Stannis hints at, briefly, tonight.

Stannis isn't convinced that Jon is Ned's bastard.  Sure, he looks like Ned.  But, Ned never bedded prostitutes, and there was no time for torrid love affairs during the Rebellion.  No, Stannis is already wondering if, maybe, Jon isn't Ned Stark's son but his nephew.  Which would make his father... well, you can guess.  I hope.

Sansa doesn't sound so convinced that Lyanna was raped; she can only repeat what her father told her.     And adopt a new reserve around Littlefinger, even after he kisses her.  Sansa's still wearing her raven's feather necklace, a trophy of surviving the Eyrie.  But she can't guarantee that she'll be willing to wait for Littlefinger's schemes to come to fruition.  She doesn't even promise to wait until Stannis' army shows up and makes her the Wardeness of the North.  She can only suspect that she'll be married, with her own problems, and no time for Littlefinger, when he eventually gets back from King's Landing.  Whenever that will be.  I really hope Littlefinger isn't expecting to stay in his brothel when he arrives in King's Landing.

Bronn and Jaime arrive in Dorne, secretly.  Or, so Jaime thought.  While on the merchant ship, waiting for their adventure to begin, Bronn moans that they'll be doing way more fighting than fucking, while Jaime mutters that he has no love for Tyrion anymore.  Something about killing their dad on the shitter.  They spend their first day in Dorne napping, then trading preferred deaths over a snake dinner.

Bronn's way of dying is watch his spoiled sons fight over his wealth in his old age.  Jaime's a little disappointed- nothing chivalrous, or even maybe dashing?  Bronn's had dashing, and has no use for chivalry.  Nope, a nice easy death after all the fighting he's had to do will suit him fine.

When the dynamic duo realize the Dornish authorities are already looking for them, it leads to Bronn having to save the day.  Or, rather, three-quarters of the day.  Bronn manages to kill two of the armed riders who confront them, hobble one's horse, and take care of his third, all while Jaime rolls around in the sand trying not to get killed by the one Bronn left for him to deal with.  All while discovering a use for his fake gold hand.  Turns out, it's a nifty shield and sword trap, enabling him to skewer his opponent easily.  Bronn's slightly impressed, though pissy about having to dig four graves.

Jaime is right to be trying to get Myrcella back to King's Landing. And, they're right to leave no trace of their fight today; Ellaria Sand is already plotting her revenge, and already receiving word that Jaime Lannister has arrived in Dorne.   Nym Sand has quite a way of interrogating snitches.  It involves a shovel, a rope, and some scorpions.  Don't ever go to the beach with this woman.  Ellia Sand is willing to do whatever her mother asks.  And Oberra decided long ago to fight her way through her troubles.  She makes her point by perfectly aiming her spear at the snitch's head.  It's a beautiful shot that creates a shit way to die.

Dany hopes the view from her balcony of a peaceful city is real.  And, it does appear to be settling down.  Dany gets another history lesson from Selmy today, this time kind of a funny one, about her eldest brother Rhaegar.  Turns out, that besides fighting, Rhaegar could sing.  Not like Frank Sinatra, but he usually pulled in some coins when he gave it a go on the streets of King's Landing.  Selmy has a laugh to himself as he reminisces how Rhaegar never actually kept the money, usually giving it away or getting himself and Selmy good and drunk.

Mereen's sequence, tonight, shows Hizdhar Lo Loraq, once again asking Dany to open the fighting pits of Slaver's Bay.  It's a place for men to win glory; Dany isn't swayed.  The degrading nature of fighting to the death for one's daily bread doesn't make up for the glory it wins men who win to fight tomorrow.  Dany's about to get a fighting pit she, nor Grey Worm, counted on.

The fight scene itself is a messy, bloody, painful study of Grey Worm's triumph through skill and will.  Selmy hears the commotion and goes toward the danger everyone else is running from.  He's happy to join the fight, and the masked Harpy Sons go down one by one.  Even after Grey Worm has been viciously stabbed, he stays up to fight.  Even when Selmy is surrounded, he keeps striking masked enemies.  Selmy goes down, stabbed in the chest, by one of the last masked Harpy Sons; Grey Worm sees, stabs Selmy's murderer, and collapses himself, next to Selmy.  But, not before gently resting his hand on Selmy.  The man went down a badass.  And, the next moment, so does Grey Worm.  No one won the match in today's fight.

Famous Last Words - Gotham - Season 1, Episode 21

Once again, Jim's case really isn't important, except to show some new triumph of Jim's or how much deeper he's getting in with Oswald. The highlights of the evening are Oswald's aborted assassination attempt, and Bruce's depressing discovery.

Jim finds The Ogre easily enough, but only after Jason's had a whole day to totally traumatize Barbara to the point that will require lots and lots of therapy.  Her parents are dead, for fuck's sake.  Is her purpose to somehow die, in the next episode, sending Jim into a tailspin of grief and self-blame that he never fully recovers from?  Did The Ogre impregnate her during their one good night, and she somehow dies after giving birth, leaving Jim with the kid?  Not really sure where Barbara can go now, except maybe Arkham.

The big importance of Jim's investigation is that he, once again, goes to Oswald for help.  He needs an invite to a swanky, private bar.  Oswald needs to concentrate on his scheme to kill Maroni, already in progress.  Oswald has already sent Butch into Olivia's restaurant, with guns for the hit crew to use.  Butch conceals them under a bar, and behind a juke box.  Oswald then lets Connor, the head of the crew that will actually do the shooting, know where they are.  Despite Connor bitching that speeches at killings are useless, Oswald wants to make sure Maroni gets his last message.

So, when Jim strides in without much time and nothing to trade, Oswald feels like he's earned the right to say "no".

Here's what I think of "no"

Jim doesn't have time for bargaining; he'll pay off Oswald's favor later.  It's telling that Jim doesn't even bother keeping a weapon on Oswald; he's a relatively harmless guy to Jim.  Oswald is shaken up enough to be useful, but warns Jim that Jim gets no more favors until he repays the ones he already owes.  After Jim returns with the precious invite to a club called the Foxglove, Bullock tries to warn Jim that owing favors to a Falcone Lieutenant is not how he wanted to be a cop.  Jim brushes it off, as a problem he'll worry about later.  

When Bullock volunteers to go the Foxglove for Jim, as he's got the Italian suit to blend in with the clientele, the investigation's other highlight shows.  Bullock wanders through the S&M crowd, becoming ever more aware that he really doesn't belong there.  The show is so twisted he ends up blowing his cover and arresting everyone.  No one manages to escape, meaning that there must have been some sort of police surveillance around the club.

Jim and Bullock interview the one woman at the club who can identify Jason from their really crappy sketch.  Sally, the hostess, has a wicked scar from her eye to nose, circling around the cheekbone.  She has an even wickeder story, and the info that eventually leads to Jason.  After telling Jim and Bullock that the cops didn't take her seriously when she reported the guy years ago, she asks Jim to just kill the guy.  Jim, in a move he never would have done early in the season, agrees to it.  Does he already know Jason won't surrender peacefully?

Bruce's investigation of Sid Bunderslaw hits the deadest of ends.  While Alfred is identifying Reggie's body and making funeral arrangements, Bruce will pretend he doesn't feel totally guilty about Reggie's murder.  Bruce will use the free time to arrange a tour for himself at Wayne Enterprises.  And use the nifty, new key he just got made. 

The plan goes pretty well at first.  The fire alarm empties the division of the building right by Sid Bunderslaw's office.  And Bruce manages to slip in, supposedly undetected.  And Sid's safe is easy to find, and the key works. 

I'm sure this won't lead to a life of crime

Bunderslaw ruins all of Bruce's plans.  He's charming, and low-key and completely understanding as he enters his office, definitely not out of town, and offers Bruce a cookie.  Bruce doesn't want a cookie.  Bruce half-expects to be dead by sundown.  But, Sid's not here to hurt Bruce.  This conversation has gone easily enough in the past; there's no reason for him to even raise his voice.

Sid admits, freely, that Wayne Enterprises breaks laws.  Everywhere they're located.  And, that lawbreaking makes the Waynes wealthy men.  And each Wayne Man has accepted the fate of enjoying the vast wealth generated by Wayne Enterprise's lawbreaking in exchange for their silent complicity.  So, go ahead, Bruce, take the cookie (is anyone else wondering if this is like the Matrix, and he'll feel right as rain?).  

When Sid's protegee Lucius Fox shows up, a young man recently hired, mostly in charge of putting cameras everywhere, Sid sends Bruce off with Lucius to find the tour guide.  Lucius is less interested in getting Bruce back to his tour guide, and more interested in giving Bruce a secret message:  Bruce's father was a Stoic.  Well, I guess it's nice to know his favorite philosophy, but that doesn't really help Bruce.

It's only later, when he's back home with Alfred, who's pretty stoic himself over losing his war buddy, that Bruce can start to figure out what Lucius tried to tell him.  Bruce freely, but guiltily, admits his part in Reggie's death.  Alfred's not so much concerned with Reggie, who dug his own grave, but with Bruce's risky plan that failed.  And, it's Alfred that insists that Bruce's father would never have gone along with Wayne Enterprises' crimes.  Lucius must have been trying to tell Bruce that his dad hid some secrets behind a facade of resignation.  Bruce, his faith in his dad restored, ends the day pinning a snipped picture of him to his Wall of Murder.  Was Thomas Wayne killed because he was ready to make his own move?

Nygma's day is going spendidly, and involves making sure that Doherty's body will be impossible find or identify.  It involves wheeling the body in pieces through the precinct to his own Forensic Exam Room.  Here, he douses the body with whole pails of some kind of acid, reducing the thing down to bones that then get smashed in a bag.  Who should interrupt the process, and inadvertently see the remains, but Kris Kringle, herself.  Doherty's body is cut up, making the remains impossible for her to identify, but she's still wondering where Doherty could be.

So, Nygma needs an exit strategy for him.  The mumbling and scheming of Nygma while he conceals his (we think) first murder show the beginnings of a madman obsessed with getting his story right.  Nygma eventually finds Kris puzzling over a typewritten note, supposedly from Doherty.  He tells Kris to move on, and that he's going away.  Kris is angry that Doherty couldn't even dump her to her face.  Nygma thinks maybe there's more to the note than the text.  Kris has the night's best wisdom:  "Sometimes with men, you just need a drink."  When Kris leaves, he has a good chuckle to himself; he practically incriminated himself with the first letter of each line spelling his name in the letter.  It's a bold move that shows a few things:  Nygma loves wordplay; and he loves skirting the edge of getting himself caught, confident no one will ever catch him.

We end with Oswald's brilliant debacle.  Connor and his men get to Olivia's, find the guns, and deliver the last words, supposedly from Falcone.  Just when Connor thinks the job can be completed, the guns click, with no bullet coming out.  No gun works, except the guns Maroni's guys have pulled.  They're pissed that "Falcone" decided to kill them.  Pissed enough that Falcone will have to pay.

Butch runs to Oswald with the news, hoping Oswald will flee before the hammer can come down.  Oswald has no intention of doing anything except enjoying the soon-to-be war between Maroni and Falcone, which Maroni launches with an all-out assault on a car containing one of Falcone's people.  The head, severed after the body was shattered with bullets, horrifies Falcone, leaving him no desire to do anything but respond in kind.

It's Essen who informs her precinct, still celebrating after killing The Ogre, that they're officially on duty for the duration of Falcone and Maroni's war.  

Oswald's planned pretty well. Success always depends on everything coming together;  failure is much easier to make happen.  And, with Connor dead and Butch not talking, who could tell anyone what's really been happening?  Well, Olivia could.  Does Maroni really not question her about the hidden guns?  Or, is she already dead. assumed to be a traitor?  She's Oswald's only loose end, and he better cut her before she can implicate Butch, and through Butch, Oswald.

What's In A Name? - Game of Thrones - Season 5, Episode 3

The Starks, especially, have to decide how much the Stark name means to them.  Jon, Sansa, and Arya all either re-claim or permanently give up the Stark name.  For Jon, it was his secret dream.  Between his non-mother Catelyn's scorn, and Robb's confidence as his father's heir, the Stark name was everything, and he could never have it.  For Sansa, it was a sign of her nobility, but quickly became her weakness; her family's war with the Lannisters put her in constant danger.  For Arya, it became worthless.  Her father was beheaded early; her mother followed in about a year.  The Stark name gave her no protection and no family.

The Stark name obviously mean something to the other noble Houses of the North.  House Mormont on Bear Island has already told Stannis to fuck off, and at least one other family tried telling the Boltons to do the same.  Stannis is leaving Castle Black in two weeks to "persuade" the North that the Starks are no longer Kings.  The family that tried to disobey Roose Bolton is now strung up, blood where their skins used to be.  Ramsay Bolton considers it a job well done; the relative installed quickly paid the Boltons their "tax" (read: tribute).

But, Roose Bolton is thinking a longer game.  If Ramsay wants to rule the North one day, he can't be allowed to lose it by showing the other noble houses that he's a total dick.  Ned Stark was a North Man, through and through.  He breathed and bled for the people of the North.  He was their Warden.  Ramsay lacks the personality and intelligence to play that long game; and be the leader the North will happily look up to.  So, Roose was the one communicating with Littlefinger by tiny scrolls.  The marriage he and Littlefinger set up will give Ramsay more than the Bolton name; it will give his heir the Stark bloodline.

Yep, Littlefinger, after reassuring Sansa that he'd keep her safe, has bargained her off in marriage to Westeros' absolute worst man (Joffrey's dead, after all).  Sansa, without knowing much about Ramsay, is already horrified.  Roose Bolton personally killed her brother.  And arranged for her mother's and other loyal nobles' deaths.  He's the last person Sansa wants as a father-in-law.  But, Littlefinger has just the right leverage.  He offers her the chance to duck out; but wouldn't she rather be close to the guy she wants revenge on?

Sansa can't help grimacing as she wordlessly rejoins Littlefinger's caravan of marriage.  Littlefinger can't help smiling to himself.  Just as he moved pieces patiently to kill Joffrey, he's now doing the same to bring down the Lannisters in the North for good.  He outright offers Roose the alliance of the Vale and House Arryn.  Together, the North and the Vale can oppose almost anything King Tommen wants to do.  Roose was, at first, only interested in getting the Stark name into his household; Sansa is extremely valuable, and he almost doesn't care whether she's even able to legally wed Ramsay.  They're going to be wed anyway.  Sansa certainly seems more than resigned, pausing for a meaningful second before smiling widely for Roose and Ramsay.  Looks like she's learned from Margaery.

Ramsay also plays his part, kissing Sansa's hand, and earnestly promising Littlefinger that he'll love and cherish Sansa, which already has his archery buddy from last season scheming.  We know that Ramsay just can't resist being awful, and know it's only a matter of time until he breaks his word.  We also know that Littlefinger will tell Sansa that Ramsay is her problem to manage.  Has she learned enough to manage Ramsay?  The show is going into uncharted territory here, off-book, so we don't know what kind of marriage they'll have.

If I was Sansa, I'd get knocked up with Roose's grandson as soon as possible.  As soon as a son is born, I'd kill Ramsay; his brand-new spanking Bolton name is all he's good for now.  Then, I'd play hardball with Roose.  Roose may be prepared for such a move; he's already remarried, a Frey girl whose weight greatly enriched him.  He's already got a second chance at making an heir.   Or, he may end up being grateful to a daughter-in-law who removes a troublesome son.  We know that Roose is already anticipating Littlefinger screwing him over, by reading his confidential message from Cersei Lannister, and demanding to see the reply before it's sent.  Roose is good, but he's not in Littlefinger's class.  Don't be surprised if Littlefinger manages to play both Roose and Cersei until they destroy each other for him.  Leaving Sansa's future children Wardens of the North.  And indebted to him.

Brienne and Pod aren't far behind.  With Brienne resigned to somehow get into Moat Cailin to find Sansa, she and Pod share a campfire.  And some background.  Brienne confides that she was an ugly girl, even dressed up for a ball.  And, that Renly earned her undying devotion at said ball by dancing with her when the other noblemen laughed at her.  Lord Renly, who outranked them all, made them swallow their ridicule; and he got Brienne to remember her own self-worth.  Maybe as a man constantly suspected of being gay, and never good enough for either brother, Renly knew all too well what Brienne must have felt that day.

Pod's sympathetic, and has a sad story of his own; he originally squired for a Ser in Lord Tywin's battles with Robb Stark in the Riverlands.  His Ser was drunk and hungry, so he stole a ham.  He gave some to Pod, no doubt just as hungry as his Ser was.  The Ser was found the next day, passed out with the bone from the ham in his passed out hand.  He was hanged.  No one could prove Pod had had anything to do with it; but Tywin decided to punish him anyway, sending him down to King's Landing to squire for Tyrion.  He was happy pouring Lord Tyrion's wine; and he's perfectly content to take Brienne's armor off after a long day.

Back on their quest, with a good fire Pod quickly made, and now used to each other, Brienne decides it's time Pod learned fighting.  He's old for a squire, he needs to be working on his knighthood.  And Brienne is going to do for him what Renly did for her; save Pod from becoming a joke.  Both in Westeros, and with the TV audience.  Brienne, despite being committed elsewhere, deadpans that she knows Stannis was behind the shadow that killed Renly; she saw his face on the thing.  And she promises to get her revenge on him.  Good thing Stannis is heading her way.

Stannis tells Jon, after Jon reminds Stannis that the Night's Watch can't fight this war for him or even look like they're involved, that he's leaving in two weeks.  After Jon officially refuses his offer, while sitting in the Lord Commander's chair.  Jon looks used to it already, telling Stannis that new recruit Ollie is his steward, who will be allowed to hear all conversations.  Why not Sam?  Sam's not a fighter, so he can't protect Jon if need be.  Ollie has already saved Jon's life, proving he's able and loyal enough to sleep near the Lord Commander.

Jon will need Ollie at his back; though he has the loyalty of the young guns of the Night's Watch, Alliser Thorne is a crafty old veteran.  And Janos Slynt is just waiting to do Jon in.  Stannis advises Jon to send Alliser away; he seems done with Jon if the guy won't help him.  Ser Davos tries one more pitch, casting helping Stannis as Protecting the Realm.  Jon knows what he's protecting the realm from, though.  Stannis also officially dumps the Free Folk problem in Jon's lap, since he couldn't convince Mance Rayder to secure them for his own army.

Jon doesn't have a solution to the Free Folk problem yet.  He's got some personnel changes to do.  Some anonymous lucky guy gets to dig a new latrine pit, something Jon and the Night's Watch enjoy bantering about as Jon assigns the duty.  Alliser Thorne thought it would be him for sure.  But, even Jon has to admit that Thorne is too valuable to dig shit ditches.  Jon wants Thorne for the First Ranger, a post held by Uncle Benjen way at the beginning of Season 1.  It's an honor and Jon needs him there to boot.  But, Jon doesn't need Janos Slynt.  The guy has proved himself unable to do anything but piss himself, despite claiming to have defended King's Landing before Jon was born.

Jon sends him away to Greyguard, one of the abandoned watchpoints along the Wall.  Slynt thinks Jon is out of his mind.  Thorne realizes that Jon is making a deal with him; Jon will take away his troublemaker, but Thorne will remain unharmed as long as he plays by Jon's rules.  But, Jon can take away any of Thorne's allies he wants; and he proves it.  When Slynt outright refuses Jon's order, Jon has his fellow younger Night's Watch Brothers take custody of Slynt.  Ollie quickly fetches Jon's sword, a massive thing that Jon has finally grown into.  Slynt thinks it's all a ploy right to the end, when his neck is stretched out, and Jon is about to do his own killing, just like Ned Stark taught him.

Scared, again, Slynt gives in.  He even sobs a little as he admits that he's a worthless coward.  Even if Jon lets him live, he's now completely useless to Thorne, and Thorne knows it.  So, really, Jon does him a favor when he quick beheads the guy.  Stannis also manages to see it.

Tommen and Margaery have a much better day, getting happily married and happily having sex right away.  Margaery easily pretends to be both a virgin and yet completely happy and ready to please him, lounging next to him until it's time to go to work.  Operation Get Rid of Cersei is in full swing, with Margaery praising Cersei for her tireless attention and protection of Tommen.  She's impressed that Tommen will always be Cerise's little lion cub.  Tommen realizes that, now that he's had sex, he needs to be a man.  Which means trying to diplomatically send his mother back to Casterly Rock.

Cersei sees Margaery in Tommen's newfound concern for his mother's "happiness".  She tries her best to storm into Queen Margery's brunch with her ladies-in-waiting.  But yesterday's chants for Margery instead of her, and Tommen's new distance, have deflated her to the point that she can't even respond to Margaery's Mean Girl-isms.  Margaery can't promise her devotion to Cersei enough, but her syrupy tone and the fact that everyone already loves her and has hated Cersei for some time leave Cersei breathless and practically running away.

Cersei has no idea how to work against Margaery.  Until, that is, an unfortunate incident involving the High Septon, the Pope of King's Landing, some prostitutes, and some of the itinerant preachers, led by Lancel.  I really hope no one cosplays the prostitute made up to look like the Stranger, the unknown god of death of Westeros' faith.  The High Septon is humiliated by the Sparrows for his high-living and hypocrisy.  Qyburn points out that the guy had his whipping through the streets of King's Landing coming, as he was found in a brothel.  Cersei looks completely unconcerned.  None of the Small council is sympathetic; the High Septon should take care of this himself, not come crying to Cersei.

Cersei, instead, goes off in search of the High Sparrow, a play on the High Septon's title.  The assault on the High Septon was his idea.  Cersei takes a page from Margaery's playbook, willingly leaving her litter to climb the steps to the foul-smelling soup kitchen above.  The High Sparrow has no name; he sheepishly admits that others call him the High Sparrow.  He'd prefer Lord Duckling.  Maybe even King Turtle.

As he wanders through, handing bowls of soup to grateful followers, Cersei realizes that here's a man she can use.  The High Sparrow is just the guy to bring a wayward King's Landing back to the Seven. He's just the guy to be furious if Queen Margaery can be implicated in adultery.  Cersei is already plotting how to get Margaery into his clutches.  It starts with imprisoning the former High Septon, and seeing to his replacement.

Cersei's next stop is Qyburn, who reports that their special project is coming along, but slowly.  Cersei doesn't look impatient as she focuses instead on a message for Littlefinger, that he must respond to immediately.  Is there some digging she wants Littlefinger to do for her?  Maybe find a young man who can be bait for Queen Margaery?  Roose, though he sees the message, doesn't reveal what it was.  And, we can't help being more worried about what's sleeping on Qyburn's bed.  Or, rather, not sleeping.

Arya is sweeping.  And sweeping.  And sweeping.  It's all Sorcerer's Apprentice at the House of Black and White, complete with a fed up apprentice.  Jaqen, in his robe, reminds Arya that valar dohaeris means "to serve", and that's what her new home is all about.  Arya demands to know who they serve.  Jaqen gestures to the statues that surround the vast chamber they're in.  Arya recognizes some of the statues of various gods.  Jaquen calls them faces of one god.  The god all men of Braavos serve.  The one you pray to with "Not today".

When Jaqen offers a bowl of water to a grateful, silent man who shortly dies prostrated before one of the statues, a girl not much older than Arya helps cart the man off to some chamber below.  Arya wants to know where his body is going; the girl wants to know Arya's name, and why she's there if she knows so little about what she's gotten into.  Jaqen interrupts, and points out that Arya isn't ready for this stage.  Arya, tired of sweeping and unanswered questions, insists that she really is no one.

Not with Arya Stark's stuff, she isn't.  So, Arya dons the same jumper as her co-worker.  And goes to the river, where she can't throw her old clothes into the river fast enough.  The coin she takes one, last look at.  She tosses it too.  Needle, she needs some time with.  It's more than her last connection to her old life. Her old family.  Her old name.  It's the weapon she learned to take care of herself with.  She hides it behind some rocks, for now.  How long 'til Jaqen realizes?

Now, dressed like she belongs there, she finally gets the good job of... washing the dead bodies.  The place is like a hospice.  People come there to die.  When Arya's done washing the body, she gets to find out what happens to it next.

Tyrion finally lost his shit.  His game of "Are We There Yet?" gets serious when he decides that he's going to tour Volantis, crossroads of the East.  The massive bridge they walk across spans the Rhoyne as it empties into the Summer Sea.  It's almost the halfway point, where they'll turn and start heading East.

The city is a typical one; slaves, treated like animals, crowds everywhere.  Tyron, hooded, blends right in until he and Varys see a street preacher.  She's beautiful, with full red lips, skinny hips, and a pretty dress.  She is hypnotic as she woos the crowd with hope.  The crowd is made of slaves, and she promises them all that her Lord of Light is sending the freedom he promised.  Through a queen who made dragons.  Tyrion and Varys are impressed; Volantis wants her to come and free them, too.   When the young preacher lingers too long over Tyrion's face in the crowd, he decides it's time to go whoring.

Even with very little money, Tyrion can have a good time.  When the guard at the entrance disrespects him, Tyrion makes him a sexual proposition.  After that, it's getting pissed drunk and pretending to seduce the prostitutes.  He's all set to have a wonderful night, when, for a change, he just can't.  Shae's too recently in his mind.  His first love, also a prostitute, is probably also in his mind.  Whatever it is, Tyrion decides he'll take a leak over the bridge into the water instead.

He and Varys picked the one brothel in all of Volantis they would be recognized.  It only takes one man, one desperate man, to ruin all of their travel plans.  Jorah declares he's taking Tyrion to "The Queen", but he doesn't say which one.  Does he want a lordship, or his Khaleesi?

A Woman's Place - Scandal - Season 4, Episode 20

Jake was fucking with us!  He's alive, barely.  He'll spend the episode at death's door, knocking.  Even when he's conscious, he'll be at death's door.  The important thing is this:  on Scandal, until you see the body buried or cremated, no one's really dead.

This episode weaves the stories of Mary Peterson, Olivia, and Mellie together.  Jake's bloody body leads to the Russian doctor who will get Olivia to help Mary.  Olivia will give Mellie her campaign strategy, through Fitz.  All three women will try to ease out of the shadow of a past life, a father, a husband.  Olivia and Mellie make it.  Poor Mary doesn't.

It all starts innocently enough, with Quinn starting her day at Gladiator HQ, where she picks up the newspapers Olivia will read, the mail, gets some coffee going, opens up the conference room, finds Jake's bloody mess of a body sprawled on the conference room table...

You know, just a regular day at the office

Huck uses a combination of Karate and CPR to revive Jake.  Huck and Quinn go to Charlie, who always knows the most interesting people.  As well as every creepy and empty warehouse in the D.C. area.  Olivia and Rosen meet the B-613 contingent there, where Olivia announces that this was her father's doing.  Jake is alive, but Rowan doesn't yet know that.  So, they decide to keep him out of the hospital and pester Charlie on when his black market Russian doctor friend will show up.

He does, and he actually doesn't want money.  Once he realizes who Olivia is, and that she can understand Russian, his payment is a favor; go to a former KGB agent he knows nearby, and help her out of a jam.  He's cagey on the jam, and Olivia is horrified that she might help a Russian harm her country to save Jake, but she's that desperate.  While Olivia and Huck leave to help someone code-named Black Sable, Dr. Russian demands that Rosen help him.

Mellie, now in the thick of her Senate campaign, faces her fiercest opponent.  Not the Democrat running.  No, Sally Langston.  Once again her Eagle Freedom Flag show has to highlight Sally practically hissing out her contempt that the First Lady would decide to do anything besides stand at Fitz's side.  She insists that it's a huge conflict of interest for someone representing a State to be sleeping at the White House.  She questions whether it's even legal. She also dares to use the word "opportunist", which, after her display after the funeral bombing, is rich.

Fitz and Mellie are panicking after Sally's tirade.   Especially when Abby and Lizzy look dazed when Fitz wants to know if anyone checked on whether it's legal.  So, now Rosen will be involved in both Olivia and Mellie's stories tonight.

Rosen, on the phone from Warehouse Hospital, confirms to Abby that Mellie would be breaking no law.  Sure, it would be a conflict of interest, and maybe someone should have made a law to keep it from happening.  It just never occurred to any lawmaker that a First Lady would ever want to do something else.  Abby's indignant at that explanation, and Rosen realizes that he better come up with a better soundbite, or he'll have more than rocks from his feminist sisters to worry about.  

He ends up doing a phone interview, once again from Warehouse Hospital, running through the constitutional requirements to run for President.  Which, pretty much should be tipping all of Washington off as to Mellie's eventual intentions.  Since this isn't the TV World, his TMI moment goes unnoticed.  The country has gotten over the legality of what Mellie's doing.  They just hate the conflict of interest.  One could mention that Fitz doesn't set spending; Congress does that.  But, Fitz's administration does write the budget.  One can assume that everyone not from Virginia would be scrutinizing every single penny going to that state. 

Mellie decides that she should confront Sally and her ugly condemnations personally; Fitz and Lizzy shake their heads.  Cy texts from the couch, completely uninterested.  Abby ends up suggesting that a man should face Sally.  She hates suggesting it, and we hate hearing it, but she's right to point out that when a man stands up for women and their independence, people listen.  And, what better man to go at Sally than her arch-nemesis, and fellow widower, Cy.  Their spouses died from the fallout of their affair; wouldn't Cy love the payback?

No, he would not.  Fitz's yes-man bellows out that whatever Lizzy has on Fitz, Cy will deal with it.  The irony here is that Cy will be sent out to defend Mellie's right to a Senate career, but he can't see why Fitz would ever be helping this along.  He's shocked that Fitz just wants to be a good husband.  Fitz wants to make good on the deal he made her.  And Fitz bellows right back at Cy to do the interview.  

It turns out, that Cy almost enjoys himself.  Sally devotes a whole segment to interviewing him, trying to get his goat in a few ways.  She says that Mellie's marriage vows preclude her doing anything but being First Lady.  Oh, Sally, don't make Cy remind you that you were VP while married.  She invents a term, "Mother of the Nation", as Mellie's job.  Cy, who hates bullshit behind closed doors, swats that away.  "Mother" is something one is; it's not a job.   The Nation doesn't need Mothering.  Virginia needs a Senator.  Sally tries to goad Cy by reminding him of his own, past wishes for elected office; Cy looks wistful for a moment.  But, he's made his peace with the fact that his place is as the enforcer everyone's afraid of.  With Sally's needling survived, he simply brings up dead Daniel Douglas.  This ends the interview right away, and Sally's attacks.

Olivia and Huck, anxious to meet Black Sable, former KGB Killer Extraordinaire, can't believe that it turns out she's a middle aged grandma.  Black Sable calls herself Mary Peterson, tells people she's from Wisconsin, and bakes cookies for her grandchildren, who she raises since her husband and daughter died in a drunk driver accident.  

Olivia and Huck sit rapt as Mary describes how poor she was as a child in Russia; it involves a starved brother and no shoes.  Apparently, the KGB lured her with the promise of footwear and an education.  And, a life in America.  The only catch is that she had to kill people.  And she was good at it.  Her fellow Russians, despite Huck's advice that they're dead inside, still managed to fear her.  But, when the Cold War ended the kill orders stopped coming, and Mary assumed she'd been retired.  She got a life.

Now, that life is threatened.  Literally.  By someone who knows who she was and where to leave her a kill order.  Olivia is almost relieved; Mary doesn't want to go back to killing.  She hardly could at her age, I might add.  And, Olivia and Huck are happy to help.  

Huck tracks Mary's would-be handler down; he's one Costia Pastanak.  He pretends to be a butcher, which gives him a chance to slice up meat with an impressive cleaver while Olivia tries to negotiate with him.  But, Costia's firm.  He grew up just as poor as Mary.  His town was so awful that the Communists sent their enemies there to die of cold.  Costia is a Russian patriot; and he's got no sympathy for anyone who won't serve.  Mary will serve Mother Russia or die.

Rowan, meanwhile, meets with Russell, who tells him Jake is dead.  Rowan knows this isn't true, because there was no angry phone call from Olivia about it.  When Russell can't get Olivia to meet him, or even talk long enough on the phone to track her, Rowan gets the bright idea to simply shoot Russell in the arm.  Russell looks hurt that Rowan thinks he's more use shot that hunting Jake.  But, like most of Rowan's plans, it works.  

What part of, "You're just a pawn to me" don't you understand?

Olivia and Huck take a quick break from saving Mary to charge into Russell's hospital room.  Russell's got just the story to convince Olivia to destroy Russell's phone and have Huck drug Russell so they can bring him to the last place he should be;  laying right next to a barely alive Jake Ballard.

While Russell is enjoying Warehouse Hospital, Olivia tries to convince Mary to simply kill Costia herself.  First, it wouldn't solve the problem; Russia might just send another handler.  Second, Mary's had time to reflect, since a drunk crashed into her husband and daughter years ago.  Murder doesn't just kill someone; it crushes their loved ones.  Maybe she had a good reason to take the job- would any of us refuse it?  But, she can't go back to it now.  All she can do is pray to a god she only kind of believes in, desperately hoping she's forgiven for how many lives she ruined.

Olivia needs Rowan and Costia off her back.  So, she decides to solve both her day's problems.  It's a great plan; she offers Costia her father, giving him the burner phone Rowan gave her days ago, and tells him that Rowan's a much better kill than anyone else.  Costia gets the kill of his career; and he gets Russia to forget all about Mary.  It's almost like a breakthrough in American/Russian relations that will never be in the history books.

Olivia's only mistake is informing her team of what she's done in Russell's presence.  When he turns over, he realizes that he knows Olivia's next move, and his target is right next to him.  Russell doesn't get to kill Jake, as Jake moves around, setting off alarms on his medical equipment that bring everyone running.  But, Russell does manage to sneak away in the excitement, find a phone, and tell Rowan.  Bad boy!

The Gladiators are sitting tight, including, for now, Dr. Russian.  They're waiting for Huck to confirm that Costia killed Rowan.  And while they wait, Olivia takes her really unwanted phone call from Fitz. The affair's been over, she's totally disappointed in him as a person, but she's the only person who knows how to turn Mellie's candidacy around.  She tells Fitz to play up the conflict of interest.  Who wouldn't want a Senator who literally talks to the President every day, alone?  Keep in mind, Lizzy's idea was to leak that Mellie and Fitz are practically separated.  So, Mellie would have to campaign as damaged goods.  Lizzy's in a box; she doesn't know yet how to turn a problem upside down like Olivia does.

Fitz asks her if she's okay.  Olivia could have used this chance to tell him about B-613's eventual grand jury; she doesn't.   Fitz tells her he's trying to crawl out of the hole he dug in his marriage.  He may not love Mellie, but he can at least keep his promises to her.  

It works; Abby, Fitz, and Mellie are ecstatic. Lizzy's going to have a successful candidate.  Only Cy is disappointed.  He moans to Abby that this is the end of Fitz's presidency.  Who's going to take seriously a man who's wife can needle stuff for her Senate seat out of him?  Fitz and Mellie are about to find out that sexism can ruin men. too.

Olivia, still waiting for the news that her father is dead, sits between Russell and Jake.  Which, is awkward.  Especially, considering that Russell is fake-sleeping and can hear Olivia's tender words to Jake about she feels so useless to him right now, when he's been able to move heaven and earth to save her.  And, she finally agrees with him:  they should never have left that island.  Will they ever go back?  Find another B-613 slush fund to support them in tropical bliss?  

When Huck has no info, Olivia gets spooked, and decides the best idea is to go right into danger all alone.  She gets there to see Mary Peterson and her grandkids shot in the heads.  Her case turned into a disaster.  But, just to show her who called the shots, she hears a phone ringing as she's about to get in her car and drive away.  A phone ringing from her trunk.  Costia is dead, too.  Just so Olivia will know it was Rowan.  She picks up the phone, worried that Rowan is right behind her; but that's not Rowan's style.  He'll kill everyone around her, not her.  He'll isolate her until he's all she's got.  Which, he basically tells her before she hangs up on him and dashes back to Warehouse Hospital.

Why does my dad have to suck so much????

There, everyone can hear, including Russell, that Olivia is forcing them all to give up on B-613.  There will be no grand jury.  Rosen tries to fight her on it.  But without Jake, the case is weak.  And Jake is in no condition to testify.  Especially not with Dr. Russian leaving in a snitfit over dead Mary Peterson.  Jake still won't last without medical care; they need to take him to a hospital.  Once Jake is there, the whole thing needs to be called off so Jake will be safe in a real hospital.  Olivia verbally beats down everybody, even Rosen, over this.  She's angry that her father won; but Rowan confirms to Russell later that she made the call.  She handled it for him.

Rowan's quite pleased with the whole thing, but tells Russell that he's not done.  There's a big shindig coming up, something called "Foxtail", and Rowan wants to make sure that Olivia doesn't change her mind on anything.  For now, Russell's going to move in with Olivia, at Olivia's request, and be her lover.  It's all very creepy when Olivia meets Russell in her bed later in a beautiful silk/lace negligee, ready to make him forget all about his arm.  No one wants her to spend a night pleasing Russell.  

So, it's great that that's not her plan.  While Russell has closed his eyes, imagining something as per Olivia's sexy request, Olivia pulls out a nasty-looking gun, probably the same one Jake gave her a half-season ago, and points it hard at Russell's forehead.  She wasn't as scared and helpless after that phone call from Rowan as B-613 thinks.  She realized that the only person who overheard her plan and would have gone to Rowan was Russell.  Doh!  Never be the only one who could have snitched!

And now, she's heard about Foxtail.  And she wants Russell to know that his life is about to get painful.

It's Fifty Shades of Turning the Tables!