The Starks, especially, have to decide how much the Stark name means to them. Jon, Sansa, and Arya all either re-claim or permanently give up the Stark name. For Jon, it was his secret dream. Between his non-mother Catelyn's scorn, and Robb's confidence as his father's heir, the Stark name was everything, and he could never have it. For Sansa, it was a sign of her nobility, but quickly became her weakness; her family's war with the Lannisters put her in constant danger. For Arya, it became worthless. Her father was beheaded early; her mother followed in about a year. The Stark name gave her no protection and no family.
The Stark name obviously mean something to the other noble Houses of the North. House Mormont on Bear Island has already told Stannis to fuck off, and at least one other family tried telling the Boltons to do the same. Stannis is leaving Castle Black in two weeks to "persuade" the North that the Starks are no longer Kings. The family that tried to disobey Roose Bolton is now strung up, blood where their skins used to be. Ramsay Bolton considers it a job well done; the relative installed quickly paid the Boltons their "tax" (read: tribute).
But, Roose Bolton is thinking a longer game. If Ramsay wants to rule the North one day, he can't be allowed to lose it by showing the other noble houses that he's a total dick. Ned Stark was a North Man, through and through. He breathed and bled for the people of the North. He was their Warden. Ramsay lacks the personality and intelligence to play that long game; and be the leader the North will happily look up to. So, Roose was the one communicating with Littlefinger by tiny scrolls. The marriage he and Littlefinger set up will give Ramsay more than the Bolton name; it will give his heir the Stark bloodline.
Yep, Littlefinger, after reassuring Sansa that he'd keep her safe, has bargained her off in marriage to Westeros' absolute worst man (Joffrey's dead, after all). Sansa, without knowing much about Ramsay, is already horrified. Roose Bolton personally killed her brother. And arranged for her mother's and other loyal nobles' deaths. He's the last person Sansa wants as a father-in-law. But, Littlefinger has just the right leverage. He offers her the chance to duck out; but wouldn't she rather be close to the guy she wants revenge on?
Sansa can't help grimacing as she wordlessly rejoins Littlefinger's caravan of marriage. Littlefinger can't help smiling to himself. Just as he moved pieces patiently to kill Joffrey, he's now doing the same to bring down the Lannisters in the North for good. He outright offers Roose the alliance of the Vale and House Arryn. Together, the North and the Vale can oppose almost anything King Tommen wants to do. Roose was, at first, only interested in getting the Stark name into his household; Sansa is extremely valuable, and he almost doesn't care whether she's even able to legally wed Ramsay. They're going to be wed anyway. Sansa certainly seems more than resigned, pausing for a meaningful second before smiling widely for Roose and Ramsay. Looks like she's learned from Margaery.
Ramsay also plays his part, kissing Sansa's hand, and earnestly promising Littlefinger that he'll love and cherish Sansa, which already has his archery buddy from last season scheming. We know that Ramsay just can't resist being awful, and know it's only a matter of time until he breaks his word. We also know that Littlefinger will tell Sansa that Ramsay is her problem to manage. Has she learned enough to manage Ramsay? The show is going into uncharted territory here, off-book, so we don't know what kind of marriage they'll have.
If I was Sansa, I'd get knocked up with Roose's grandson as soon as possible. As soon as a son is born, I'd kill Ramsay; his brand-new spanking Bolton name is all he's good for now. Then, I'd play hardball with Roose. Roose may be prepared for such a move; he's already remarried, a Frey girl whose weight greatly enriched him. He's already got a second chance at making an heir. Or, he may end up being grateful to a daughter-in-law who removes a troublesome son. We know that Roose is already anticipating Littlefinger screwing him over, by reading his confidential message from Cersei Lannister, and demanding to see the reply before it's sent. Roose is good, but he's not in Littlefinger's class. Don't be surprised if Littlefinger manages to play both Roose and Cersei until they destroy each other for him. Leaving Sansa's future children Wardens of the North. And indebted to him.
Brienne and Pod aren't far behind. With Brienne resigned to somehow get into Moat Cailin to find Sansa, she and Pod share a campfire. And some background. Brienne confides that she was an ugly girl, even dressed up for a ball. And, that Renly earned her undying devotion at said ball by dancing with her when the other noblemen laughed at her. Lord Renly, who outranked them all, made them swallow their ridicule; and he got Brienne to remember her own self-worth. Maybe as a man constantly suspected of being gay, and never good enough for either brother, Renly knew all too well what Brienne must have felt that day.
Pod's sympathetic, and has a sad story of his own; he originally squired for a Ser in Lord Tywin's battles with Robb Stark in the Riverlands. His Ser was drunk and hungry, so he stole a ham. He gave some to Pod, no doubt just as hungry as his Ser was. The Ser was found the next day, passed out with the bone from the ham in his passed out hand. He was hanged. No one could prove Pod had had anything to do with it; but Tywin decided to punish him anyway, sending him down to King's Landing to squire for Tyrion. He was happy pouring Lord Tyrion's wine; and he's perfectly content to take Brienne's armor off after a long day.
Back on their quest, with a good fire Pod quickly made, and now used to each other, Brienne decides it's time Pod learned fighting. He's old for a squire, he needs to be working on his knighthood. And Brienne is going to do for him what Renly did for her; save Pod from becoming a joke. Both in Westeros, and with the TV audience. Brienne, despite being committed elsewhere, deadpans that she knows Stannis was behind the shadow that killed Renly; she saw his face on the thing. And she promises to get her revenge on him. Good thing Stannis is heading her way.
Stannis tells Jon, after Jon reminds Stannis that the Night's Watch can't fight this war for him or even look like they're involved, that he's leaving in two weeks. After Jon officially refuses his offer, while sitting in the Lord Commander's chair. Jon looks used to it already, telling Stannis that new recruit Ollie is his steward, who will be allowed to hear all conversations. Why not Sam? Sam's not a fighter, so he can't protect Jon if need be. Ollie has already saved Jon's life, proving he's able and loyal enough to sleep near the Lord Commander.
Jon will need Ollie at his back; though he has the loyalty of the young guns of the Night's Watch, Alliser Thorne is a crafty old veteran. And Janos Slynt is just waiting to do Jon in. Stannis advises Jon to send Alliser away; he seems done with Jon if the guy won't help him. Ser Davos tries one more pitch, casting helping Stannis as Protecting the Realm. Jon knows what he's protecting the realm from, though. Stannis also officially dumps the Free Folk problem in Jon's lap, since he couldn't convince Mance Rayder to secure them for his own army.
Jon doesn't have a solution to the Free Folk problem yet. He's got some personnel changes to do. Some anonymous lucky guy gets to dig a new latrine pit, something Jon and the Night's Watch enjoy bantering about as Jon assigns the duty. Alliser Thorne thought it would be him for sure. But, even Jon has to admit that Thorne is too valuable to dig shit ditches. Jon wants Thorne for the First Ranger, a post held by Uncle Benjen way at the beginning of Season 1. It's an honor and Jon needs him there to boot. But, Jon doesn't need Janos Slynt. The guy has proved himself unable to do anything but piss himself, despite claiming to have defended King's Landing before Jon was born.
Jon sends him away to Greyguard, one of the abandoned watchpoints along the Wall. Slynt thinks Jon is out of his mind. Thorne realizes that Jon is making a deal with him; Jon will take away his troublemaker, but Thorne will remain unharmed as long as he plays by Jon's rules. But, Jon can take away any of Thorne's allies he wants; and he proves it. When Slynt outright refuses Jon's order, Jon has his fellow younger Night's Watch Brothers take custody of Slynt. Ollie quickly fetches Jon's sword, a massive thing that Jon has finally grown into. Slynt thinks it's all a ploy right to the end, when his neck is stretched out, and Jon is about to do his own killing, just like Ned Stark taught him.
Scared, again, Slynt gives in. He even sobs a little as he admits that he's a worthless coward. Even if Jon lets him live, he's now completely useless to Thorne, and Thorne knows it. So, really, Jon does him a favor when he quick beheads the guy. Stannis also manages to see it.
Tommen and Margaery have a much better day, getting happily married and happily having sex right away. Margaery easily pretends to be both a virgin and yet completely happy and ready to please him, lounging next to him until it's time to go to work. Operation Get Rid of Cersei is in full swing, with Margaery praising Cersei for her tireless attention and protection of Tommen. She's impressed that Tommen will always be Cerise's little lion cub. Tommen realizes that, now that he's had sex, he needs to be a man. Which means trying to diplomatically send his mother back to Casterly Rock.
Cersei sees Margaery in Tommen's newfound concern for his mother's "happiness". She tries her best to storm into Queen Margery's brunch with her ladies-in-waiting. But yesterday's chants for Margery instead of her, and Tommen's new distance, have deflated her to the point that she can't even respond to Margaery's Mean Girl-isms. Margaery can't promise her devotion to Cersei enough, but her syrupy tone and the fact that everyone already loves her and has hated Cersei for some time leave Cersei breathless and practically running away.
Cersei has no idea how to work against Margaery. Until, that is, an unfortunate incident involving the High Septon, the Pope of King's Landing, some prostitutes, and some of the itinerant preachers, led by Lancel. I really hope no one cosplays the prostitute made up to look like the Stranger, the unknown god of death of Westeros' faith. The High Septon is humiliated by the Sparrows for his high-living and hypocrisy. Qyburn points out that the guy had his whipping through the streets of King's Landing coming, as he was found in a brothel. Cersei looks completely unconcerned. None of the Small council is sympathetic; the High Septon should take care of this himself, not come crying to Cersei.
Cersei, instead, goes off in search of the High Sparrow, a play on the High Septon's title. The assault on the High Septon was his idea. Cersei takes a page from Margaery's playbook, willingly leaving her litter to climb the steps to the foul-smelling soup kitchen above. The High Sparrow has no name; he sheepishly admits that others call him the High Sparrow. He'd prefer Lord Duckling. Maybe even King Turtle.
As he wanders through, handing bowls of soup to grateful followers, Cersei realizes that here's a man she can use. The High Sparrow is just the guy to bring a wayward King's Landing back to the Seven. He's just the guy to be furious if Queen Margaery can be implicated in adultery. Cersei is already plotting how to get Margaery into his clutches. It starts with imprisoning the former High Septon, and seeing to his replacement.
Cersei's next stop is Qyburn, who reports that their special project is coming along, but slowly. Cersei doesn't look impatient as she focuses instead on a message for Littlefinger, that he must respond to immediately. Is there some digging she wants Littlefinger to do for her? Maybe find a young man who can be bait for Queen Margaery? Roose, though he sees the message, doesn't reveal what it was. And, we can't help being more worried about what's sleeping on Qyburn's bed. Or, rather, not sleeping.
Arya is sweeping. And sweeping. And sweeping. It's all Sorcerer's Apprentice at the House of Black and White, complete with a fed up apprentice. Jaqen, in his robe, reminds Arya that valar dohaeris means "to serve", and that's what her new home is all about. Arya demands to know who they serve. Jaqen gestures to the statues that surround the vast chamber they're in. Arya recognizes some of the statues of various gods. Jaquen calls them faces of one god. The god all men of Braavos serve. The one you pray to with "Not today".
When Jaqen offers a bowl of water to a grateful, silent man who shortly dies prostrated before one of the statues, a girl not much older than Arya helps cart the man off to some chamber below. Arya wants to know where his body is going; the girl wants to know Arya's name, and why she's there if she knows so little about what she's gotten into. Jaqen interrupts, and points out that Arya isn't ready for this stage. Arya, tired of sweeping and unanswered questions, insists that she really is no one.
Not with Arya Stark's stuff, she isn't. So, Arya dons the same jumper as her co-worker. And goes to the river, where she can't throw her old clothes into the river fast enough. The coin she takes one, last look at. She tosses it too. Needle, she needs some time with. It's more than her last connection to her old life. Her old family. Her old name. It's the weapon she learned to take care of herself with. She hides it behind some rocks, for now. How long 'til Jaqen realizes?
Now, dressed like she belongs there, she finally gets the good job of... washing the dead bodies. The place is like a hospice. People come there to die. When Arya's done washing the body, she gets to find out what happens to it next.
Tyrion finally lost his shit. His game of "Are We There Yet?" gets serious when he decides that he's going to tour Volantis, crossroads of the East. The massive bridge they walk across spans the Rhoyne as it empties into the Summer Sea. It's almost the halfway point, where they'll turn and start heading East.
The city is a typical one; slaves, treated like animals, crowds everywhere. Tyron, hooded, blends right in until he and Varys see a street preacher. She's beautiful, with full red lips, skinny hips, and a pretty dress. She is hypnotic as she woos the crowd with hope. The crowd is made of slaves, and she promises them all that her Lord of Light is sending the freedom he promised. Through a queen who made dragons. Tyrion and Varys are impressed; Volantis wants her to come and free them, too. When the young preacher lingers too long over Tyrion's face in the crowd, he decides it's time to go whoring.
Even with very little money, Tyrion can have a good time. When the guard at the entrance disrespects him, Tyrion makes him a sexual proposition. After that, it's getting pissed drunk and pretending to seduce the prostitutes. He's all set to have a wonderful night, when, for a change, he just can't. Shae's too recently in his mind. His first love, also a prostitute, is probably also in his mind. Whatever it is, Tyrion decides he'll take a leak over the bridge into the water instead.
He and Varys picked the one brothel in all of Volantis they would be recognized. It only takes one man, one desperate man, to ruin all of their travel plans. Jorah declares he's taking Tyrion to "The Queen", but he doesn't say which one. Does he want a lordship, or his Khaleesi?
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