The show cycles through each of the episode's locations, then cycles back again as a plot line introduced in the first half is either resolved, or not. There's lots that's MIA. We'll get to those near the end, if you're interested in knowing what you're missing.
There's very little action, as the episode shows the characters picking up various pieces of their lives since the murder of Tywin Lannister, the imprisoning of Dany's dragons, and the attack on the Wall. There's very little repeating of their names, which would have been helpful, so I'll remind you of them here. The locations and characters and plot lines don't overlap. But, at least two sets of characters mean to change that. And, the possibility of two of our favorite characters meeting to finally set things right is teased right in front of us.
We'll start with the minor plot lines. Littlefinger and Sansa basically dump Lord Robyn, useless little spoiled turd that he is, on Lord Royce, who is loyal to his lord and still vowing to protect Sansa's identity in the Vale. Royce promises to protect Robyn, but makes no promises on making him a decent swordfighter, something that Littlefinger seems completely unconcerned about. Robyn has his family name and the Vale's complete loyalty to him; he doesn't need fighting skills.
Notice how only Littlefinger is pleased
After all, Littlefinger has certainly never had to actually fight anyone to slay his enemies. Unfortunately, it seems like anyone who's not Sansa is his enemy.
Littlefinger, after lying to Lord Royce about his destination, whisks Sansa away. She quickly deduces they're not going to the Fingers, which is Littlefinger's home and seat, and he playfully evades telling her where they're going, just promising that it's safe for her by distance from Cersei. They discuss trust, and how even trustworthy people can be surrounded by spies. And how Littlefinger trusts in his gold to buy loyalty. Could that, in the end, be his weakness?
Their carriage literally drives right by Brienne, she of the quest to find the Stark girls. Podrick and Brienne recover from Brienne's knock-drown drag-out sword brawl with Gregor Clegane, aka The Hound. Arya outright refused to come with her, even after she offered the girl safety and protection and friendship; The Hound laughed at her offer. Even if she did manage to throw him off a cliff, his scorn must have hurt. And it feels horribly wrong for her to take it out on Podrick. After the treachery of King's Landing, it's entirely understandable that he doesn't let his boss out of his sight; but Brienne still has it in her head that it's his fault Arya is nowhere to be found.
Brienne bitterly sharpens her sword as she disowns Podrick, basically telling the kid that he's basically been tagging along without any real status all this time. She can't believe that the life of serving a lord she could respect is basically turned to shit. She can't believe just how awful every lord she could still fight for is. And she's pretty close to abandoning her oath to find both Stark girls and get them somewhere safe. Which is kind of funny, because neither of the girls believes that anyone can protect her at this point.
Tywin Lannister's death, at this point, is the main attraction in King's Landing. Cersei arrives last for the funeral, after mourners from all over the Seven Realms have waited for her long climb to the Sept where she's just mourned her own son. This time, we know exactly why she gives Margaery a glare and practically chases the young woman away. We actually get to see Cersei as a young girl in the episode's opening, roaming through mud and trees, looking for an old crone with three eyes and cat's teeth. But Maggy turns out to just be kind of a slob with eyeliner.
Always awful
Young Cersei is every bit the mean girl she'll become already. Already showing long blond tresses and threatening others with her father's wrath; she gets Maggy to prophesy her life. Maggy tries to dissuade Cersei with vague threats about knowing one's future. Cersei is unmoved, and just wishes it wasn't so painful to give Maggy some of her blood to taste. Maggy doesn't need spells, just a few seconds to swallow the drops. It's not a glamorous scene at all; not meant to connote any real magic is going to take place.
Which is why it's even creepier and more ominous when Maggy makes a bunch of correct statements about Cersei's future. Cersei doesn't marry Prince Rhaegar, despite her father's plans. She marries King Robert, after Tywin sacked King's Landing and Jaime killed the former Targaryen king. Cersei and Robert have no children together; she personally made sure all of her children were Jaime's, and he fathered so many bastards it took a whole day to kill almost all of them. We've already seen Joffrey die horribly after getting the Iron Throne. So, when Maggy tells Cersei that a younger queen will take her place, and all of her children will die after being crowned, we see that Margaery never had a chance with her mother-in-law. And that Tommen and Myrcella might be screwed.
Could you just let me be queen, already?!?!?!?!!?
And now, it seems, Jaime has no chance with her either. Cersei's already figured out it was Jaime who freed Tyrion, but she doesn't dare kill him for it; she needs him because he's the last person in King's landing she can actually trust. She certainly has no time for anything but her ruminations on how everyone but her dead father is useless. Loras is barely tolerated; Pycelle is openly snubbed; only Kevan can get her ear for a moment, and only because he can tell her why little cousin Lancel is so horribly altered.
Before the Paleo diet
A shitload of liver later...
Lancel used to have a beautiful golden bob and soft golden skin. Now, he's shorn and pale, but his eyes show that he's got a purpose beyond serving his family now. This Lancel isn't going to do as he's told, something his father, Kevan (Tywin's only brother, and Cersei's uncle), clearly doesn't approve of. Lancel also helps to introduce the Sparrows to the show. Sparrows are, basically, septons from around Westeros, made poor by the decimation of the countryside and the deaths of their flocks, who descend on King's Landing looking for justice for the people from the crown and nobility. Basically, they're Occupy King's Landing.
Lancel is willing to talk openly of his sins for Cersei; she tries to ignore him by simply denying everything in case someone is listening; but she probably scurries away to arrange for his death and have her third glass of wine for the day.
Loras, despite appearing to mourn Tywin, couldn't be happier; he gets to stay in King's Landing, where his favorite boytoy Olyvar can come over whenever, and apparently leave his bedchamber without caring about being seen. When an impatient and disapproving Margaery tries to remind Loras to be discreet about his capital crime, he brushes her off. He'd rather tease his sister that she's about to marry Tommen just as Cersei will no doubt release herself from marrying Loras. He's free from Cersei's control, but Margaery will soon be in the thick of it. She just looks out the window, murmuring about the possibility that she's got a plan. Let's hope she doesn't confide in Ser-I-can-flaunt-my-gay-lover-everywhere.
Mereen, the new and improved home of Queen Danaerys Targaryen, is also wandering about in a malaise. Danaerys, for all her good intentions and acquired street smarts, hasn't convinced the former nobility of Mereen to simply accept her rule. She tears down the Harpy goddess statue, by pulling it down the side of the pyramid, shredding wooden protections for the pyramid itself as it crashes down to earth in a cascade of dust. Though down, the statue is still in one piece. Symbolism for a beaten nobility? Is it reminiscent of how recent Islamic conquerors in Afghanistan and Iraq are destroying ancient, pre-Allah statues? It has about the same effectiveness. None.
An Unsullied warrior overseeing the destruction, White Rat, needs some down time. Literally. If you're a prostitute, what do you offer young, strong, and well-paid men who have no sexual organs? Why, lullabies, of course! Easiest money a prostitute ever made, even if the work is kind of boring. Although, for more excitement, a working girl can always sell her customer out so his throat can be slit. We never see the killer's face, only his golden mask.
The mask makes me a superhero!
Dany is unthrilled at the news of the murder, promising justice for the Unsullied killed by this new group of would-be rebels called the Sons of the Harpy. You can get rid of her statue, but not her ways. Danaerys calls for the killers to be brought to her, so all can see her dispense justice from those who attack her own army. And she orders the Unsullied to patrol the city, something that puzzles her returning diplomats, Hizdhar zo Loraq (guy in the flowy robes Danaerys doesn't listen to), and good ol' Daario Naharis (guy with the awesome ass Danaerys does listen to).
Loraq has gotten the good people of Yunkai to set up a council of both former slaves and masters to govern the city, with all laws submitted to her for review. Their first new law for her review is to re-open the fighting pits. Long a place where slaves died or became local heroes, the whole idea repulses Danaerys, who icily rejects the idea. Reminiscent of the old feminist slogans again pickup artists, Danaerys shuts Loraq down when he tries to convince her to change her mind. Her no will always be no, she tells him firmly. So that we can all be pleasantly surprised next week when she changes her mind.
I don't see why it's so hard to just do everything my way
It's not until Daario works on her, or maybe it's his ass working on her, to convince her that the fighting pits are more than just a symbol of slavery and brutality. He confides in her that he, too, was a slave once, sent to fight and win or die in the pits themselves (Prince Oberyn, he of the messy death last season, also boasted of spending some time in them. By choice). And he won. And became a hero. For a lowborn, probably illiterate man, fighting was his only way up. And, to freedom. One feels, while Daario explains how fighting is about more than the fight itself, that he's trying to speak for all men born as low as he was. The fighting pits were his ticket out of slavery, and into the mercenary company from which he now fights for Dany.
Daario's also got some warnings about keeping those dragons locked up. Buying an army isn't an accomplishment, and the Sons of the Harpy are proving that her enemies no longer fear her soldiers. No, people only fear dragons. Dragons that Dany admits she can't control and won't allow to harm anyone else. Daario hints that she better figure out how to control them pronto, before more Unsullied die and she gets crucified on the hill.
Dany tries to take Daario's advice, creeping through the dark to see Viserion and Rhaegal, the two smaller dragons named for her brothers. Like her brothers, they're pissy and total dicks to her. Drogon, named for her dead husband who loved and treasured her, is still missing, and would probably be even more frightening. Dany scurries away, hoping no one saw how little she can handle.
Moooooooom! Get out of my room!
The dragons are now a wild card. They've shown that Dany isn't their boss. They've shown that no one is their boss. Is Dany going to find a way to make them hers again, or a teacher? Or, will they remain a symbol of Dany's rise to power but inability to maintain that power?
Missandhei and Grey Worm reach a sort of impasse; Missandhei lets curiosity get the better of her, asking Grey Worm what a castrated man could have seen a prostitute for. Grey Worm has no idea, and no speculation. Will he be wondering the same thing? And what happened to the prostitute? If everyone knows about her, is her head on a pike already?
Stannis tries to capitalize on his win at the Wall. He legitimately saved the Realm from a wildling invasion, just as the Night's Watch requested. Ser Alliser Thorne, strides around like he owns the place. Janos Slynt parades next to him, happy to forget his own cowardice. But, it's really Stannis and Melisandre in charge. They make sure the crowd knows that. And Jon can't believe everyone wants to put him in the middle, just when he's hoping to spend his days training the new kid from Molestown. Unlike Lord Robyn of the Vale, little Ollie really does have to learn how to fight; and Jon stresses the importance of holding your shield up. No matter what. Ollie looks tired, but Jon gently chides him to remember his lessons for next time, giving the kid hope that he'll improve if Jon just smiles at him once in a while.
Stannis and Ser Davos have other plans for Jon; they send Melisandre to fetch him and bring him to the top of the wall. Melisandre, who never saw a personal boundary she doesn't immediately violate, inquires if Jon is a virgin. Maybe thinking she'll shut up if he just tells her, he does. And she does shut up, very happy with his answer. Stannis and Ser Davos, standing atop the wall maybe to assess just how much cold ice they've won, want to make Jon instrumental in their plan to take Westeros from the North down.
Jon has already learned of the Red Wedding; Team Stannis reminds him that co-conspirator Roose Bolton is still living, and even taking up residence as Warden of the North at Jon's childhood home of Winterfell. You know, where Rob Stark also came from. If Jon would like a little revenge, how 'bout doing a favor for ol' Stannis, hero of the Wall? If Jon can convince Mance Rayder to accept Stannis as his own king, and promise his kick-ass surviving Free Folk as soldiers for Stannis, then everyone wins. Mance gets to live. The Free Folk get their war on those South of the Wall; and if Team Stannis wins, Free Folk get to stay on land Stannis will grant them, as his subjects. Ser Davos insists, rightly, that it's a fair deal; even the small numbers of Free Folk, with their brutal warfare, would be a great addition to Stannis' sellsword army and would scare the shit out of Roose Bolton. And give Ramsay the fight he's been waiting for. Oh, to think of what Tormund Giantsbane would do to Ramsay!
Sorry, kid, I don't do bowing
But we're not going to get that. Because Mance won't give up his own leadership over the Free Folk by showing himself bowing to someone else. Mance won't have his people fight a Westerosi war, even though the Free Folk have been defeated, and can either live as subjects in Westeros or die. If the plan was to live South of the Wall to survive, why not take Stannis' pretty good deal? Jon thinks Mance is an idiot, but he still loves the guy enough to grant him one small mercy.
Mance is a little fearful of his coming execution, though still committed to dying before bowing. When he's marched out, his last words to Stannis are pretty forgiving; he wishes the King luck. Stannis seems happy to respect a man he's going to execute; but Melisandre sees Mance as an example, addressing his fellow Free Folk, Tormund in front and in chains. They can choose her god and her king, or death by fire. And she personally sets Mance's pyre on fire. Mance tries not to scream in agony, as the Lord of Light's previous victims have. But it's a struggle, and Tormund can see just how sadistic Melisandre, and by extension, Stannis can be. And he's learning just how Westeros does things. And he's thinking he's got his own savagery to add to the mix.
Yeah, I'm gonna kill you all
Mance is just about to lose his self-control, when an arrow pierces his heart, killing him and depriving Melisandre and Selyse of his screams. The two zealots have been foiled... by Jon. Stannis dragged him into this. And if he's got to go down, he'll go down on his own terms. It's a fuck-you to the power of Melisandre, and as much of protest as anyone can do without also being burned.
The only real bit of hope tonight is in Pentos, which is just across the sea from King's Landing, and home of Varys' partner in crime, Magister Illyrio Mopatis. This is the same house Danaerys and Viserys were living in at the very beginning, five seasons ago. This is the house Danaerys was married from. And, it's Tyrion's first stop in Essos. He tumbles out of his crate into a dirty, bearded heap on the ground. Tyrion's hatred of the crate he's stowed in is understandable, and it takes him time to adjust to even being out. He and Varys, who accompanied him to Pentos when he realized Tyrion had done something serious and stupid in King's Landing, trade barbs about just what it was like to keep Tyrion concealed. They both gripe about how much dealing with shit from a crate sucks.
Welcome to Pentos!
But, now that they're here, and Tyrion can suck down as much wine as he pleases, Varys picks this time, when Tyrion is bitter and done, to pitch joining his plot to save Westeros from Baratheon and Lannister mismanagement. He talks of a Targaryen Restoration, as if a Targaryen has already been restored to the throne. But, he also admits that a the whole thing turned into a catastrofuck that has sunk Westeros into a miasma of cruelty, blood, poverty, and death. Tyrion pukes. And drinks some more. He's ready to be a useless drunk for the rest of his life, which was his life's original goal.
Varys waits until Tyrion's got his land legs back, and another glass of wine, to once again talk about hope. Tyrion wants to die of alcohol poisoning, but Varys doesn't think he'll actually take a coward's way out. Varys is good with words, responding to Tyrion's cynicism with pleas that he thinks life must be this way because he's used to it. Tyrion doesn't want to be the guy that Varys relies on to save Westeros from the rich, selfish and bloodthirsty noble houses. But, Varys picked him because he saw a guy who had Tywin's smarts, Ned's human decency, and Jon's heart. And, maybe he knew that Tyrion would never really give up on making a difference. Maybe he saw Arya's tenacity in there, too.
Seriously considering giving a shit
If there is a guy who can travel to Mereen, and help Dany retake Westeros and become a better queen while she's at it, who else could it be but Tyrion? Is Varys for real? We don't see that he's had any doings directly with Danaerys or Ser Barristan, so he gains very little from putting her on the Iron Throne. And he's picked Tyrion as an ally, though that could be because he knew Tyrion would agree to go to Mereen, as long as he can drink the whole way there. But hey, the guy carried Tyrion's shit. So, any ego he might have had must be gone. No, it looks like Varys is on the up and up. And we get to end on a hopeful note, and not just because Arya will be in next week's episode.
****
Martin's fourth book, A Feast for Crows, is an exhausting read featuring exhausted characters just trying to survive the book. So, the part of the TV show that starts really covering this book is going to be a slog any way they try to portray it. They can't just skip over it, since A Dance With Dragons is the same time period but the rest of the cast, and the same melancholy trudging through the story by characters who have given up on happy endings. After that, there's no more source material.
And the series has already run through Bran's story line. After deleting Bran's guide through the Land Beyond the Wall (a creature named Coldhands), and most of their trek north, Bran is officially not going to be in Season 5. Depending on what Martin and the TV show come up with over the next year, we may or may not see him in Season 6.
Remember in Season 3, when house Tully was basically torn apart? The only one who got away was Blackfish, Catelyn's uncle. Season 4 didn't show him at all, which is too bad, and there's no word on whether he appears this year, which he actually should if the TV show plans on being at all faithful to the books. Which, according to several sources, it won't. An entire plot line was left hanging. A plot line important to Jaime, as he's the one in the book tasked with cleaning up the mess of the Riverlands.
And, since the show confirmed, I bear the sad news that Lady Stoneheart, the resurrected Catelyn Stark, will not be wrecking havoc in the Riverlands in her undead crusade for revenge against House Frey. This has disappointed many readers, since Lady Stoneheart represented our own desire to stick it to House Frey for violating the Guest Rule of Westeros.
So, the moral of all these stories is that even book readers have very little clue what happens next. With Martin mum on where the books are going, and the show's makers very secretive, the Game of Thrones is really anyone's game at this point. Valar Morghulis!
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