Hide and Seek - Walking Dead - Season 4, Episode 11

This episode chooses to follow only two sub-groups, neither of which is likely to meet up any time soon, instead of the four sub-groups from last week all within hours and a couple miles of each other.  Glenn is in the middle of nowhere, actually heading back to the prison, while Rick, Michonne and Carl have made no attempt to even try to round up the others.  Since the groups have nothing to do with each other, and are going in different directions anyway, the episode seems like filler, even though a ton happens and new characters reveal quite a bit about their plans.

We start with Glenn and Tara in the back of the Army truck, passing zombies who think they can eat a balloon, if only they could reach it.  Totes adorbs. Tara is recording every turn they make, including the sight of a bus for good measure.  Whether it was smart to get in the truck with strangers when all she had to to do was guard Glenn until he woke up is debatable.  But at least they can find their way back to the prison if they have to.  Tara and Mr. Big Mouth Tank Top dicker a bit over killing zombies, and Tara wonders over the fact that he enjoys it.  I, personally, never begrudge anyone who likes their work.

Carl refuses to praise Michonne's spiffy new white shirt.  Let me state for the record that white shirts and a life of bloody zombie slicing do not mix.   Michonne and Carl then film a cereal commercial- er- I mean - have breakfast while wishing for milk. They debate the merits of soymilk, with Carl making gagging motions.  He catches himself as he's comparing it to his dead baby sister's formula, and it will take about half an episode before Michonne can work him out the funk he gets into.  Michonne wanders to the kitchen, where Rick is still literally wearing the same useless, torn up mess over his upper body he had on while comatose.  After Rick thanks her for getting Carl to talk like a human again, he and Michonne discuss whether there's a plan.  There isn't, so Michonne decides today will be gathering-supplies day, and that Rick will be staying home.  That's wife-talk for get a fucking shirt on, honey.

Does this look like the kind of guy who has a plan?????  Would you even follow it if he had one???????

Glenn finally wakes up in the back of Mr. Tough Guy's truck, with Tara explaining that she did the best she can, and they can walk back if he wants to.  Which he does.  Notice how nice-guy Glenn, who looked like a kid in Season 1, wantonly cracks the back of someone else's truck window with a rifle, then storms off once the truck stops.  Mr. Tough Guy gets out, and ditches the angry routine when he realizes Glenn is leaving and doesn't give a shit about someone else's window anyway.  He introduces himself, Sgt. Abraham Ford, and his "companions" Rosita Espinosa (who's fucking him), and Dr. Eugene Porter, who is even worse than Milton from last Season.  Abraham needs Glenn and Tara to stick to him like wet on water, to complete a mission:  get Dr. Porter to Washington, D.C., so Porter can help the government "save the world".

Here, let me just twist that knife a little more.... that's it...

Apparently, Dr. Porter knows how/why the plague began, and can stop it.  Oh, and it's "classified", so nobody even gets to know why Porter is so fucking important. Glenn MUST know Porter is full of shit.  Glenn KNOWS that the CDC couldn't even identify what kind of microbe the disease is, much less stop it.  He tells Abraham only that he's going to find his wife.  Abraham has already lost his ex-wife and kids, and tells Glenn that his wife is gone, Glenn would be killed finding her on his own.  Glenn rebuts this by hitting Abraham, and a fracas ensues that Tara and Rosita are trying to break up when Porter notices zombies coming out the fields like Children of the Corn.  Porter takes an automatic rifle from the truck and attempts to fire on them, wasting bullets and hitting the truck.  At least it gets Abraham and Glenn to stop fighting, and aim their weapons at zombies.  The five of them quickly eliminate all undead.  

Rick FINALLY changes his shirt, pushes the couch back to the door, and settles in with a paperback in the master bedroom.  He wakes up, a couple hours later, to the sound of violence and mayhem, and someone being killed downstairs for being a coward.  You locked the back door, right Rick?  At least he has the good sense to grab his watch and water bottle before sneaking under the bed.  Normally, scenes of someone hiding under a bed are with a woman and child.  Think about that.  Instead, the next few Rick scenes will be him, under a bed, watching feet pass by, and hoping his guests are stupid enough to never check under the bed.  Rick has loaned Carl his gun, has no weapon, is definitely terrified, and his fear gives the episode an intensity it otherwise would have lacked.

Well, at least he's got water and knows what time it is.

Porter's only casualty was the truck, which Abraham wonders at.  Hey, at least he hit something, Abraham.  Glenn starts off for the prison bus, with Tara going with, as she has the directions.  Rosita is the first to follow them, telling Abraham they have to find a vehicle somewhere anyway.  Porter points out that the way back is known to be clear, and outright reminds Abraham that he's the brains.  Oh, he is.  Just not the way Abraham thinks.

The "classified" zombie secrets are stored in his mullet.

Does Abraham really believe Porter's bullshit?  It's hard to say.  While they walk back, Tara is in the rear with Abraham, and he tries blowing some smoke up Tara's ass, telling her she should be helping Abraham because she's a good person.  Tara, still guilty over helping to ruin Glenn's life, shuts that talk down right away, and tells Abraham he's probably not a good person either.  Is Abraham willfully blind to Porter's trick?  Does he just want a mission, any mission?  Or is he really convinced he, Rosita, and Porter can save the world?

Meanwhile, Rick is still under the bed, with Goldilocks sleeping in it right over him.  But not for long.  Another guest saunters upstairs, and with Rick still underneath and undetected, challenges a comrade for the adult-sized bed.  (The episode's title comes from Goldilocks telling his buddy that the bed is "claimed")  They literally fight over a big bed, with Goldilocks being thrown to the floor, and seeing Rick just as he gets choked to death.  Rick quietly freaks out at being spotted, but I would have just waved.  Goldilocks dies right in front of Rick.  Can't tell whether he's put down to prevent turning.  Mr. Bed Bug takes Goldilock's place on the bed, with Rick face to face with someone who could turn any minute.  

Carl and Michonne do some bonding, with Michonne at first trying to draw out Carl.  When that doesn't work, she drops a bomb on Carl, which does get his attention:  she had a child, a toddler.  They spend a bit cleaning out a home, while Carl asks her a question after every room.  Their friendship is rooted in two things: they both have a sense of humor, and Michonne can walk the line between treating Carl like a grown-up and a child.  She spends the morning firmly in charge, making sure Carl doesn't cut corners, but he obviously feels like a grown-up when they're talking about her dead child and offers to keep it a secret for her.  This transitions to a scene where Michonne must "clear" the kids' playroom and bedroom.  There's nothing to clear, and the dead body display is one of the creepiest ever.  The kids were lovingly laid into their beds to die, somehow without turning.  Their mother, obviously self-shot in the head, sits in a rocking chair right next to them.  Not afraid, but not wanting to be in there another second, she closes the door behind her as she talks Carl into not going in.  Two seasons ago, Carl mocked Carol for thinking Sophia was in heaven.  Here, today, he tells Michonne that Judith and her toddler, Andre, are there together.  He doesn't mention Sophia, maybe because she wasn't a baby.  Or maybe he's forgotten her already.  Odd, because they were buddies before she died.

Rick is FINALLY out from under bed, and proceeds to play musical-doors-to-hide-behind with his unwanted guests, while they make a ruckus over finding a woman's shirt, laundered for when she returns, and debate who gets to rape her first.  We see the guests as flashes of boots, pants, and the occasional gun, just so everyone knows these guys are dangerous.  We never really see their faces, unless they're about to die, like Goldilocks.  Or the man Rick finds in the bathroom.  They instantly fight, with Rick eventually choking Toilet Guy to death.  Clever for a change, he leaves the bathroom door open a skosh, not enough to see the dead body, but enough that Toilet Guy can get out once he turns.  Rick then escapes through the bathroom window, creeping around to the front porch just in time to hide from Mr. Bouncy Ball enjoying some canned good.  Michonne and Carl have just come into Rick's field of vision, and he has just decided to deal with Mr. Ball when the walker surprise he left them takes all their attention away, and Rick can dash out, warn the others, and they can escape without anyone knowing.

We end with railroad tracks.  Just when you think the final scene will get back to Tyrese and Carol, we see Rick, Michonne and Carl wandering down the tracks.  Despite losing tonight's shelter, they're in a good mood, with Carl playing with spray cheese.  They find an interesting sign attached to an abandoned train car, and keep heading down the tracks, intrigued by the same message Tyrese and Carol saw, albeit in a different location.  So these two parties will meet.  In about two episodes.  We should also get a glimpse of Terminus, the Sanctuary, by season's end.  I hope.

Too Soon? - Walking Dead - Season 4, Episode 10

Lao-Tzu, a Chinese dude from about 2400 years ago, wrote that "Hope is as dangerous as fear."  Hope, like fear, makes us put what might be over what is.  Fear turns into panic, restricting people from doing what makes sense.  Hope turns into desperation, making people waste time on fruitless quests.

In this episode, Darryl, Sasha, and Tara all take the anti-hope position.  Sasha has already given up on her brother, and Glen.  Darryl is only looking for others because Beth is stubborn.  Tara saw her sister consumed, the prison she hoped to make her home ruined.  Beth, Tyrese, Maggie, and Glen take hope to new heights, prompting acts that put themselves and others in danger.  Although, Glen has enough sense to at least get out of the prison before he stops making sense.

We start with Beth's voiceover, sweetly listing all the hopes she had for life in the prison to her diary. Each one, a hope cruelly taken from her.  Very Flowers in the Attic, but without the incest and sexual assault (also, without the cruel Grandma).   The pigs were eaten by zombies; there were never any chickens.  The fields are covered in corpses.  Lori died giving birth. And the prison turned out to be so not-permanent, as carrion birds circle over her and Darryl.  Later, at a campfire, Beth insists that she and Darryl have to advance the plot somehow.  Darryl is tired of advancing the plot.  And besides, that's Rick's job anyway.

"We need to justify a scene all to ourselves! I'll do something stupid, and you save me!"

Beth forces the issue by stomping off into the zombie-filled darkness, prompting Darryl to follow her and just wait patiently for her to decide hope is dead.  She's not stupid, but she's been a nanny for the last year and she stupidly lets zombies approach her from behind.  Darryl has one mission for the next 36 hours- keep Beth alive.   After finding zombies feasting away by railroad tracks, she and Darryl decide to stop looking for any more survivors.  She wanted to be strong, be hopeful, for Daddy.  But he's dead.  We leave them contentedly by the fire the next night, Beth burning her hopes page by page.

Speaking of nannies.  We cut to Lizzie and Mika, tromping along mixing fears of zombies with normal childhood peevishness, then calling out to Tyrese.  He turns around and ..... IS PREGNANT!  No, just a Daddy.  There is Judith, alive and unharmed, and being carried by two hands when he could have just held the baby carrier's handle, or found some old clothes to make a sling with.  Nope. He totes her around, even when running, like she's a big, squirming football.  To his credit, he really is an amazing babysitter.   His only freakout is when Mika physically hurts him, and he only yells at her before Lizzie tries to lecture him.  Lizzie wavers between stoic bravery and childhood bossiness.

She and Mika probably do love Judith, but not her crying.  Even I'm wondering why a place where the kid could cry safely wasn't Tyrese's first priority.  In the meantime, there are diapers to change, grapes to pick, and scared little girls to run after.  It seems that none of them, except maybe Judith (my guess is teething), gets any sleep the first night in the woods.  Even at his most drained, most demanded on, Tyrese doesn't lose his cool.  He actually tells Mika that her instinct to run isn't a bad one, just needs some work.  He hears screams, and hoping it's others from the prison, trusts the girls with Judith so he can go help.  He reminds Lizzie and Mika of what to do:  wait for him to return.  Run away from zombies towards him if they have to.   Lizzie, who has been complaining about Judith's crying for two days now, hits on the awesome idea of just covering the baby's mouth and nose to muffle the kid.  Awesome idea!  I wonder why Tyrese didn't think of that!  Two approaching zombies force the kids to make a decision, but it seems like Mika's choice is to fire uselessly at them, while Lizzie continues to smother a kid who will be dead in ten seconds anyway.

Tyrese finds himself on the same point of the railroad tracks we see Darryl and Beth found, and we realize we're seeing a prequel, so now we find out how the scene they found actually happened.  No prison survivors, just a middle-aged guy with his older son, carbon copies of Allen and Ben from last season, and they both get bitten when they really should have survived. Tyrese also almost gets bitten, but a gun shot makes him turn around to get the last zombie.  He gets up to the sound of....

Oh.

A very hesitant-sounding Carol, who is standing behind Lizzie and Mika and holding a very happy, very quiet Judith.  I have never seen a man so relieved.  Tyrese, not knowing Carol was banished, much less why, gives her the hug of a man saved from insanity and death.  Carol, realizing he doesn't know, gives him a very plausible story of following them since the prison.  My theory? She went back to the prison to demand Lizzie and Mika from Rick, knowing he wouldn't refuse when the girls demanded to stay with her instead of him.  But she found a smoldering ruin instead, and was looking for the girls ever since.  About-to-die-Dad tells them why they were out in the open instead of in the woods:  there's supposed to be a safe place ahead, just by following the tracks.  Having nowhere else to go, they proceed that way themselves, only to find a road sign telling them exactly what Dying-Dad did.  Carol thinks they may as well.  Lizzie and Mika are all for it.  Tyrese feels his hopes were all totally justified.  The safe place is called "Terminus".  Considering that's Latin for "The End", I'm not so sure.  I'm wondering if this has to do with a group from the graphic novel that has, let's just say, rather interesting eating habits. Also, with Rick thinking Judith is dead, will he discover that she's actually been saved by someone he doesn't trust?  And how will the custody battle go?  "Your honor, Judith isn't even his kid!"

But enough with that plot point, we need to get to Maggie and Sasha and Bob.  Bob is just happy to be alive.  He didn't lose much, except his go bag and some pride from getting himself shot.  Sasha is binding up the wound, which has already stopped bleeding.   He tries to give her hope about Tyrese.  But Sasha isn't having any of this hope bullshit.  She's thinking, let's camp.  Maggie is thinking, now that we're all the way out here from the prison, I'm going to go back and look for Glen.  Sasha thinks it's a sucky idea, which it is.  While she follows Bob and Maggie along the road, she complains that they should be finding food.  Bob wants to know what good food is unless you have a reason to survive in the first place.  It would be easier to accept Bob's dialogue if he hadn't spent the first half of the season convinced he doesn't deserve to survive.  Has a purpose in life, even a temporary one, replaced the bottle?

Sure enough, they find the bus.  Still, but not empty.  Filled with zombies, a bloody scene follows where they slaughter each one, ending when Maggie puts down a Glen-look-alike.  Is that happiness because she realizes Glen wasn't on the bus?  How did the bus go so bad?  Did someone get shot during the retreat, die on the bus and create havoc?

But that's not important.  This scene exists for the sole purpose of winnowing down the cast and giving the main characters reason to abandon the area.  What's important, is that Glen wakes up back at the prison, at the end of a causeway that was blown up by Mitch's tank.  Zombies below are reaching for him, so Glen nonchalantly goes back inside his cellblock, only to find it devoid of people and zombies.  He grabs full riot gear that was literally stuffed under the mattress.  Seriously.  A helmet under the mattress.  No wonder they slept in the guard tower.  Speaking of which, Glen sees the pic he took of her sleeping there, and suddenly decides that he'll find her.  Grabbing supplies as he goes, he realizes the bottle of booze by the door to the cellblock could come in handy (courtesy of Bob?), and uses the riot gear to cover all but his neck, which he leaves bare, right at mouth height for most of the zombies.  Who swarm him, but can't get close because of the riot gear.  So Glen fights his way through, emerging but stopping when he sees he's not the only one who needs to escape.

Tara sits alone, quiet, at the gate to a cellblock.  The zombies can't get her there, and I guess she figures she'll just die of dehydration.  Sounds easier than being eaten.   Glen, after discovering she didn't fire a single bullet at them, convinces her to come with him, spinning some bullshit about needing her.  That's total bullshit, but it gets her on her feet and reminds her that she's supposed to know how to shoot a gun.  With a Molotov cocktail, they are the last living people (I hope) to leave the prison.  They dash out the main gate, heading to the highway where they can lose their pursuers...

And they instantly squander their lead by having an intense conversation where we learn that Tara's sister died right after killing Phil; Glen learns that Phil killed Hershel.  He's shocked, but he tells Tara that Hershel would want them to help each other now.  Glen is pretty forgiving of one of Phil's townies; but if it gets her to cover his back when he's sleeping, he'll do it.  Tara is on the edge.  Dying on the road is probably better than at the prison; but it's all the same to her at this point.  Until they're attacked again, by the zombies that they let catch up to them.  Glen is almost down for the count until Tara comes to his rescue, and barely survives her own surprise attack.  As her last kill gets its head beaten in, we see a truck not there before in the background.  Bad staging, or perfect?  Because Tara looks up, breaks the fourth wall, and asks us assholes if we enjoying the show.

But it turns out... she wasn't talking to us.  This isn't a post-modern adaptation of The Walking Dead.  Instead, three people emerge.  Graphic novel fans know who these people are, and what it means.  People who can't bother waiting will just have to hope for the best!

Home Alone - Walking Dead - Season 4, Episode 9

Tip:  In the zombiepocalypse, avoid traveling with a teenager.

Michonne briefly returns to the prison, both to get two new decoy zombies for traveling, and to put Hershel down.  Hershel's head is a grim reminder to Michonne of all that she just lost. She has trouble putting him down, taking her time to stab him in the head and messily drawing the katana back out.  Her two new pets are easy to catch, and she starts wandering right out among the dead, who are completely oblivious to her now.

  

Rick, badly wounded to the point where he actually looks like a fresh zombie, hobbles along a dirt track leading who knows where, nagging Carl along the way to wait for him.

Here's a story... bout a man named Ricky, busy with a snot nosed brat of his own...

The boy's in a mood, probably because they've left his comic books behind at the prison, as well as his sister's bloody and empty baby carrier. If there was a phone, Rick would hear it ringing.  They stop along the way at a roadside bar/bbq joint and grab some food, and argue about a zombie they had to kill together.  Carl wants his dad to just let him handle them- Rick wants to save bullets above all else.  Rick gets more angry as Carl repeatedly disobeys him while they clean out a neighboring home in a tree-lined, pretty, empty development.  Carl even points out that he tied the front door closed with a knot the long-dead Shane taught him.  He's down, Carl, you can stop kicking. It's all forgotten the second Rick hits the couch and immediately falls asleep.  After this, the episode goes to Carl, who is determined to not need adult supervision.

Michonne dreams of her old life, calling an art show she's just attended with her lover and his buddy "pedestrian" and "overplayed", and comparing it to showing a gorilla driving a car.  She's making a fruit and cheese plate, and the first clue something is amiss comes when you see she's been slicing with her katana, which magically fits back into her cutlery holder.  A cute toddler wanders into the kitchen, to be carried with the food to the table, where Michael and Terry have changed into dirty, ragged clothes, with Michael complaining that Michonne's katana skills are useless unless she's living for something.  Michonne, realizing something's wrong, puts the food on the table and hugs her kid closer.  We cut to Michael and Terry, armless with bloody armpits, and a bloodstain where her kid used to be.  It's a cleverly done montage in the space of one minute, showing the mental transition that would have left Michonne completely bereft, willing to walk among the dead, until the dusk when she met Andrea.  She wakes in a car, her new pets just outside, emotionally right back where she was two-and-a-half seasons ago.  She finds Rick and Carl's trail along the original dirt road, but ignores it and continues on, deeper into the woods.

Carl spends the next day trying to read, and is interrupted to lure zombies away from their front door, where the rope trick he used may not have held, but the sofa Rick hauled to the door did.

Just handle it, Carl

Carl's doing pretty good, but any time a character walks backward leads to mayhem, and Carl ends up under three put-down zombies, with about five bullets used.  He's going to run out, but probably doesn't realize.  In a rush from his victory, he strides back to Rick, fast asleep and unable to even wake up at this point.  So Carl goes into a long speech about how useless he thinks his Dad is.  All I can say is, he's not wrong.  He gets confident, and tries to knock down a door with his shoulder, and it's hilarious when he bounces right back on the wood floor of the porch.

Latch-key kids in the zombiepocalypse

So he just breaks in with the spike of the yard light, which he carries around the house like a knife, putting it down only to get pudding.  He's pretty proud of himself by now, and scopes out the upstairs.  A zombie surprises him but not the viewer, and Carl is just to small to overpower the thing like his Dad does.  There are a couple shots of the zombie almost chomping down on his ankle, and Carl has to hurriedly close a bedroom door after trying to escape through window doesn't work.  He records his daring victory, noting that he lost only his shoe.  But not his pluck, which we see on full display while he eats pudding on the roof, his new zombie friend in the bedroom inside, sticking its hand out of the window Carl couldn't open fully, rasping as it will never get him while he enjoys a little pudding.  When he gets home this time, he's not so proud of himself, just glad to be alive and no doubt sick as fuck from all that pudding.

Michonne wanders the woods among the dead, pausing to look at a few only briefly, as eye contact makes them suspicious.  Her new pets in front of her make her invisible to them, but she spies a zombie that looks similar to her, with braids instead of dreads.  Michonne gets the point.  She's not dead, which she proves by slicing every zombie around her.  The collapse in a circle around her, and she pauses for a moment in the center of her kills, which include her new pets.  No more hiding among the dead.  She goes right back to Rick and Carl's trail, hoping to find some of the family she still has left.

Oh, yeah, that's right - I kick ass!

Carl falls asleep in the little ball he rolled into, waking in the middle of the night to Rick rasping like a zombie, so Carl scrambles away from Rick, picking up a gun to supposedly shoot him, but just collapsing, unable to put down his own dad, as Rick's hand in the blue moonlight reaches out like the undead for him.  But then, just as in the series premiere, Rick calls for his son, warning him not to go outside.  He's still alive!  Damn.  Would this Carl have been able to put down his mom?

The next day, Rick and Carl make up on the couch together, with Carl confessing his pudding binge, but Rick doesn't seem interested in why his shoe is missing.  Michonne is close, she's gotten to the bbq joint, where she realizes she's close to whoever came this way.  She collapses at the door, telling Michael, long dead and put down, that he could have survived too, that she has a new family now, that she has a reason to keep living.  And she proceeds to find Rick and Carl, chilling on the couch.  Like a good neighbor, she knocks on the door to borrow a cup of sugar.

Don't worry, an adult who actually deserves your respect is almost here

The Great Muppet Caper - Revolution - Season 2, Episode 13

We start off where we left last week, with Connor in deep doodoo, holding Truman hostage.  Truman, to his credit as a leader, tells his men to take the shot, but his men aren't willing to sacrifice him.  In fact, they die instead. Maybe giving snipers a place to take a shot at your headquarters wasn't good planning.  Live and learn.  Team Matheson quickly solves the entire typhus epidemic, curing everyone except Truman and slipping away with a wagon and arms.  They go back to the same isolated farm house they were hiding out in before, because you should always retreat to the same secret location.

Monroe and Miles finally figure out that maybe, Team Matheson is outnumbered, as Connor shamelessly tries to hit on Charlie.  Too bad Connor doesn't know that Charlie has literally spent two seasons learning that everyone around her is full of shit.  Connor would be the perfect boy-toy, though.  Cute, nice body, but not bright enough to know when you're insulting him.  Oh, yes, he should be perfect for Charlie.  She volunteers to help/babysit Monroe and Connor, mostly to make sure they come back with the men they promised.

Aaron and Priscilla reach Lubbock, Texas and are blown away by someone being nice. At this point, someone offering a stranger food creeped me out too.  They find their old friend, Peter, who helped develop the nanotech's operating system with them.  Peter has discovered his own powers with the nano, too.  But Peter attributes it to God, and performs tent-revival miracles before everyone's eyes.  To be fair to the residents and Peter, they have no other way of explaining Peter's powers.  Aaron and Priscilla, though, watch in horror as everyone starts praising Jesus.   Their attempt later to convince Peter that it's self-aware artificial intelligence responding to a request from one of its makers is not really successful.  Peter must know his programming code had the potential for self-awareness, as he was one of it's programmers; so Aaron and Priscilla telling him they've had the same creepy powers without calling it God must be a blow.  Peter later locks them up in their hotel room, mostly because he doesn't want Aaron and Priscilla ruining the awesome gig he's got going.  Notice- neither has informed Peter that Aaron can set people on fire at will. After all, we know what Christians do to witches.

They're not going to ask for donations, are they?

A pretty well-beaten Tom is brought to the President, and his sweet-talking doesn't work on the guy.  Lucky for Tom, he's getting a super awesome top secret mission.  Since the Patriots have finally figured out that Monroe is actually still alive, they've decided to re-kill him before The Republic of Texas figures out they screwed up the execution.  So, Tom kills Monroe; and the Patriots don't scoop out his wife's eyes.  Tom also manages to get his son's freedom in the deal.  Eventually, the two of them show up in Willoughby, go back and forth with Truman, and are then on their way to find Miles and Monroe.  Truman tries to act like he's in charge, but unless he's got a tail on Tom and Boyband, he'll have no way of knowing if Tom is actually going to do as promised.  Tom has the slight upper hand in this, as Truman has failed to kill Monroe, and Tom has the confidence of Tony the Tiger.

Team Monroe, in New Vegas, meets the mercenary leader Duncan Blake, who is not the disheveled Son of Anarchy, but the well-groomed brunette who also knows Monroe real identity.  She makes a ridiculous deal for 30 diamond pieces per man, and Monroe stupidly agrees.  Now they just need to steal the diamonds.  Good thing they're already in a casino.

Like Ocean's 3, but much, much dumber

As Miles and Rachel get it on, Connor and Charlie do the same thing.  Charlie confides in Connor that the family's entire mission is suicidal, but she'll keep at it 'til she dies because... family.    So, we have a brainless romantic, and the cynic.  Monroe finds them and can't believe two kids with hormones raging, almost no adult supervision, and no respect for other people's rules anyway would have sex the second they were alone.  I guess a homicidal maniac can be a naive prude.

Once they're all clothed however, they put into place their plan to get the diamonds necessary to buy goons.  It's a classic caper, with Monroe getting the town's attention on him for a prizefight, Connor acting as another distraction when he causes havoc inside the casino, and Charlie running off with the lockbox.  As she climbs the fence, she realizes she can't take the lockbox with her, and leaves it there.  And that was her mistake.  She should have busted it open and left it empty before ditching it, because the casino goons open it to find it was a decoy.  Connor got right back up when the joint was emptied, took the real lockbox from the trashcan Charlie hid it in, and strolled out.  Monroe finished his fight, with Duncan egging him on (she either likes him or really needs to get paid), and met Connor just in time to be bludgeoned by the angry casino owner.  Now Charlie and Duncan will have to save their men.  That's the problem with boy toys - they can never solve their own problems.

Tom finds Miles right away (Truman will be so pissed), worming his way into the farmhouse cellar by sweet-talking Dr. Rachel's Dad.  He and Boyband swear they're on Miles' side, with Tom basically telling Miles what he was planning until his wife turned up alive, and Boyband agreeing it's the truth.  Miles is still suspicious, but might just give in because here's someone willing to fight for free.  The beauty of this scene is, despite Tom's act, you get the feeling he'll turn on the Patriots the second he can.  Would he be willing to cut his losses with a wife he thought was dead anyway, to save his son and actually get revenge on the Patriots?

The Culling Fields - Revolution - Season 2, Episode 12

Grace, the one character who probably could have told the other characters what's really going on and what should be done about it, has disappeared in the night.  Which leaves pretty much where we were at the beginning of the season, with Aaron seeing dead wifey the next morning telling him to go to Lubbock, Texas.  So Spring City was just a side trip to hang with Grace?  Why couldn't the nano reunite him with wife #1 in Lubbock?  And why didn't we get to see the world's second-largest ball of twine?  I call shenanigans.

Connor, his crazy psychopath dad, "Uncle" Miles, and Rachel arrive back to Willoughby's general vicinity just in time to see Dr. Rachel's Dad and Charlie working with the Patriots.  So, Rachel literally walks out from behind a plant and worms her way into a group of new plague victims.  Literally.  None of the other people walking there from the town bother to ask her anything.  The guards just let her walk in.

Rachel Matheson, Master of Disguise

At last Ed Truman recognizes her, and lets her work with Dr. Dad and Charlie, but not before telling her she'll have to eventually tell him where Miles and Aaron are.  Ed Truman might have the worst job in the U.S. right now.  Herding cats in a small town in Texas while watching the Mathesons and Aaron slip in and out of town.  And don't get me started on Truman's look of utter defeat when he sees that Monroe is still alive.

No electricity, but somehow there's still bronzer?

Rachel, a master of sussing out other people's plots and then totally failing at preventing them, does some magic with beakers and bunsen burners, and comes back to tell her dad she can totally tell the disease came from a lab.  Later, she tells her dad that all the plague victims all happened to have some horrible mental problem, and that the Patriots are culling the weak and unfit from Willoughby.  Dr. Dad, after finding out the nefarious scheme, conveniently falls sick himself.  This is convenient, despite the discomforts of typhus, because now the Mathesons and Monroes will get off their butts and cure the disease somehow.  Miles is clever enough to kidnap Truman, inject him with the engineered typhus, and send him off to Willoughby to bring back enough of the cure for Dr. Dad.  However, neither Miles nor Monroe can actually escort Truman by gunpoint, as they are not nearly as crafty as Rachel with a bandana to cover her face.  So, they decide to send Connor in.  

Connor, rightly, thinks this whole thing is a waste of his time.  He's right, so Monroe has to sidebar with him and give him a long, convoluted reason to go.  In a nutshell:  if we help Miles get rid of these Patriots, then he'll help us reclaim the Monroe Republic.  What's wrong with this show is that the writers will find a way of actually making that happen.  Connor makes it into Truman's office, and even finds vials of the typhus cure, but Truman's guards bust in and hold him at gunpoint. 

Back in a very mossy, overgrown and kind of rusty Washington, D.C., Tom and Julia meet totally innocently on a park bench in a deserted area.

Not suspicious at all

Worst conspirators ever.  They have decided to bust Boy Band out of whatever prison he's in, cut their losses, and get out.  Revenge against the Patriots is cancelled so their son can survive.  Set against flashbacks of their first successful scheme to survive, Julia acts weak and stupid so she can worm Boy Band's location from her hubby.  As Julia tells Tom in their flashback that he's not especially strong or fast, but clever, she tells him in the present day that they will have to scheme their way into that prison to rescue Boy Band.  

Their first scheme to save their son at others' expense goes off swimmingly, with Julia using her wiles to distract one redneck while Tom silently knifes the other.  Then, Tom enjoys killing the redneck with Julia a little too much.  Julia just shrugs the whole thing off.  There's a camp to scavenge for food and supplies.  So, of course, Tom and Jules think they've got this covered.  

Tom gets into the house hunky dory, after sneaking in Mission Impossible style.  But hubby is ready for him, with a room full of soldiers pointing guns at Tom while hubby has one pointed at Julia.  Julia has no game face in this scene.  She and Tom are dragged off for interrogation.  

Aaron and his reluctant ex-wife are headed back to Texas, supposedly for answers that Aaron is demanding of his and Priscilla's creation.  Tom and Julia are in for a rougher time than even Boy Band is having now.  And the Matheson/Monroe partnership hasn't produced one tangible benefit for the people of Willoughby.  Is it too late to root for the Patriots?

I Blame the Parents - Revolution - Season 2, Episode 11

Oh, the joys of characters reveling in their parenthood and grandparent-hood.  Watching the older characters lose control of the younger is the just desserts these fuckers have coming.

Connor shows Monroe that he, in fact, has two psychopathic dads.  One biological, the other adopted.  The adopted psychopath, Nunez, spends the episode testing Connor's loyalty now that Monroe wants his son.  Connor's answers and reactions are always a split second late.  Not too late for Nunez to complain, but just enough that we can detect Connor's wavering.  Monroe spends the episode reminding everyone that his magical sperm produced Connor.  Way to go, Bass.  Monroe starts his relationship with Nunez by insulting the man's decorating.  To be fair, it is a ridiculous combination of pretentious Southwest and French Louis XVI.  I just didn't think Monroe would know that.   The party never stops behind the gate at Nunez's, with a live band, lots of candlelight, scantily-clad girls and horny guys hanging all over them.  Wealth means that you get to mitigate the effects of a 16-year blackout.

Nunez first tests Connor by demanding that Connor dream up some undignified fate for Monroe, which turns out to be selling him for a bounty.  Once Texas and the Patriots realize Monroe is still alive (the WORST kept secret EVER), the bids will pour in, by Pony Express.  When Monroe fucks up Miles' escape attempt, it earns Miles a spot right next Monroe behind bars, because Monroe doesn't want Connor to get the blame for their escape.  Monroe, for his troubles, gets whipped by an evermore confused Connor, and called a "dick" by Miles.  Yeah, Miles, you can insult Bass all you want.  But we all know you'll always put your own dick on the line for this guy no matter what he does.  Connor manages to put a stop to the whipping by reminding Nunez they want to make money off of Monroe, alive.

Rachel spends the episode making eyes at one of Nunez's henchmen until she gets invited to the party.  Once inside, she manages to give Horny Guy #15 the slip, pretending she's just looking for the bathroom, but Connor recognizes her, gives her the key to the cell, tells her where she supposedly found it, and leaves her to her own fucked up escape attempt.  Which becomes a standoff when Nunez figures it all out, and holds a knife to Connor as Miles, Monroe and Rachel are stumbling around the halls of Nunez's house.  Connor saves the day, and we leave the Brave Companions camping somewhere in Mexico, with Monroe still making Connor crazy promises.  Imagine if Luke had joined Darth Vader.

It is your DENSITY

Tom and Julia spend the episode around the White House and in the camp just outside it.  Neither trusts the other at this point, so Tom keeps reminding Julia that she promised him a promotion, and Julia keeps telling Tom not to screw this up.  No one notices Boy Band, even after he angrily demands that his father forget his revenge fantasy to stop Julia's new husband from setting up new brainwashing camps all over, including in Willoughby, Texas.  Boy Band goes behind both their backs as they ignore him to trash and search Julia's husband's office, for which he gets caught within the day.  Tom and Julia watch Boy Band get arrested, realizing too late that their son is no longer under their control.  By the way, I refuse to learn the name of Julia's new husband.  He's going to be dead that soon.

Dr. Rachel's Dad (Gene) and Charlie do some bonding over messing up an attempted rescue of Gene's friend from a Patriots' camp outside of Willoughby.  Gene gets there too late to save his old buddy, but Truman doesn't seem to mind Gene and Charlie there at all.  Turns out the camp is for typhus victims, and Gene is scared shitless of another epidemic sweeping through his town.  Truman puts on his serious face as he asks for Gene's help.  I guess now we know what they were injecting the oranges with.  And no, cunt, you can't use that on me.

Aaron, Grace, and Aaron's ex-wife Priscilla have a series of quiet, but revealing scenes.  Aaron and Priscilla piece together that, as the creators of the original program language of the nano tech, they are basically the parents of AI.  They commiserate over hearing voices and seeing fireflies.  Priscilla doesn't reveal any instance where she set shit on fire, though, which I find odd.  Maybe she hasn't been in as much danger as Aaron.  Grace fills in the blanks, remind them of the billions and billions of nanites out there, dwarfing the number of neurons in a human brain.  Basically, the equivalent of thousands' of people brains are just floating around the world, able to go anywhere, access anything, and communicate almost instantly with each other.  Grace thinks it's as close to God as anything will ever get, and she's as close to right as any character on this show will ever get.

The Onion pointed out that a little over half of the show's 30 episodes have featured plot lines of rescues from kidnapping.  What is with the producers'/writers' kidnapping fetish? I wouldn't mind so much if the characters weren't still incompetent at it.  After about 20 rescue attempts, no one still seems to have learned how to do one.  And why does "do anything for family" usually include doing something really stupid that just makes more family problems?

The Mexican Dream - Revolution, Season 2, Episode 10

The Matheson family has made a big deal of trying to stay put this season.  Charlie took off, sowed some wild oats, and then returned with Monroe.  Miles stayed put for Rachel, who stayed put to avoid her own guilt.  Rachel's dad stayed put because he actually belonged in the town.  Aaron stayed put because he was married and didn't have anything else to do.  A gaggle of episodes showed them trying to work together but really just betraying and failing each other repeatedly.  So, it's good to see them splitting up and trying to solve a series of unrelated problems.

Neville, Boyband, Allenford, and now-discovered-alive Julia arrive at the White House.  It needs some refurbishing.   Neville wastes most of the episode at boring receptions being barked at by Mr. Allenford, who's a lot more annoying than his wife. Until, that is, he finally gets down to business and kills the new Chief of Staff with something to make it look like the guy had a heart attack.  The current plan is for Julia's current husband to get the job, and Julia will use the guy to get Neville promoted.  But then what?  They keep talking about everything they want, and when they fight they use the past as weapons, but what exactly is Julia's end game?  Power for herself for a change? And will the super secret document Allenford and Boyband are both freaked out by have anything to do with anything?

Monroe insists on finding his son.  Miles, in a desperate bid to drag him back to Texas after seeing said son, goes with and wants Rachel to come too.  So the three ride horses down to the border with Mexico, and ditch easy rides into Mexico for a ride in a wagon because the Mexicans have one lousy border patrol station along their border with Texas now.  Lots of easy laughs watching Americans desperate for farm jobs in Mexico, and Rachel coyly promising sexual favors to get on the wagon.  Another easy laugh when Monroe knocks out or kills the wagon drivers, tells the other wagon riders they can go now, and the three proceed to find someone named Connor.

Connor turns out to be some kind of gringo Mexican Mafia don, or at least he's an enforcer who's been made.  And he has 30 men who report to him!  Oooooh.  Monroe is not terribly impressed, as Monroe has lost bigger armies than his son's ever commanded, but Monroe is still desperate to talk to Connor anyway and Connor, shocked that his dad is the supposedly-dead leader of a dead republic, tosses Monroe to the curb.  Monroe responds by returning later, after being told off by Rachel for having a really nasty kid, wanting to offer Connor the chance of a lifetime: come back to the States and we'll fight 'em all. And run the place.  Connor isn't impressed, and Monroe is taken to someone named Nunez.  Rachel complains about have to die saving Monroe in Mexico, and Miles asks her if she's glad she came.  Rachel, after realizing that Miles isn't leaving Mexico with Monroe, and perhaps realizing that Miles is never going to leave his BFF to die, ever, agrees to help.

Aaron, after spending 1-1/2 seasons demanding he be babysat or he would die, wanders off, alone, to Spring City, Oklahoma, after grilling Rachel on what significance it could possibly have had with the nano tech.  He makes it Oklahoma, which is quite a walk for just one episode, and finds Grace, who has lost weight after finally get out of the tower.  She's not fucking around anymore, though, greeting Aaron with a rifle at first.  She puts it down right away, because Aaron has gone back to being the least harmful person on the planet.  Still no second-largest ball of twine in the world.  Where is it????

Gene, Rachel's Dad, and Charlie are at first concerned that Aaron is gone, and attempt to find him.  But Gene sees two wagons instead.  Fully loaded with something covered.  Forgetting all about Aaron, and fearing more weapons, he follows the wagons to the wall of Willoughby, hearing that another wagon is due tomorrow.  So, he and Charlie take it.  Charlie kills the lovely couple driving it, to Gene's shock, but Charlie just shrugs off his disapproval.  They're both shocked when the super weapon turns out to be Vitamin C.  Lots of it.

We later see Harry Truman and his henchman distributing the oranges that made it, while reminding the older people that they used to live like kings, because the States were United.  As he speaks, the screen shows Patriots filling the oranges with something from syringes.  So, you could get oranges from Florida, and go anywhere in the 50 states without a passport, Truman says.  Here's an orange.  From Florida.  So, you'll totally be on board with the Patriots now, won't you?