Famous Last Words - Gotham - Season 1, Episode 21

Once again, Jim's case really isn't important, except to show some new triumph of Jim's or how much deeper he's getting in with Oswald. The highlights of the evening are Oswald's aborted assassination attempt, and Bruce's depressing discovery.

Jim finds The Ogre easily enough, but only after Jason's had a whole day to totally traumatize Barbara to the point that will require lots and lots of therapy.  Her parents are dead, for fuck's sake.  Is her purpose to somehow die, in the next episode, sending Jim into a tailspin of grief and self-blame that he never fully recovers from?  Did The Ogre impregnate her during their one good night, and she somehow dies after giving birth, leaving Jim with the kid?  Not really sure where Barbara can go now, except maybe Arkham.

The big importance of Jim's investigation is that he, once again, goes to Oswald for help.  He needs an invite to a swanky, private bar.  Oswald needs to concentrate on his scheme to kill Maroni, already in progress.  Oswald has already sent Butch into Olivia's restaurant, with guns for the hit crew to use.  Butch conceals them under a bar, and behind a juke box.  Oswald then lets Connor, the head of the crew that will actually do the shooting, know where they are.  Despite Connor bitching that speeches at killings are useless, Oswald wants to make sure Maroni gets his last message.

So, when Jim strides in without much time and nothing to trade, Oswald feels like he's earned the right to say "no".

Here's what I think of "no"

Jim doesn't have time for bargaining; he'll pay off Oswald's favor later.  It's telling that Jim doesn't even bother keeping a weapon on Oswald; he's a relatively harmless guy to Jim.  Oswald is shaken up enough to be useful, but warns Jim that Jim gets no more favors until he repays the ones he already owes.  After Jim returns with the precious invite to a club called the Foxglove, Bullock tries to warn Jim that owing favors to a Falcone Lieutenant is not how he wanted to be a cop.  Jim brushes it off, as a problem he'll worry about later.  

When Bullock volunteers to go the Foxglove for Jim, as he's got the Italian suit to blend in with the clientele, the investigation's other highlight shows.  Bullock wanders through the S&M crowd, becoming ever more aware that he really doesn't belong there.  The show is so twisted he ends up blowing his cover and arresting everyone.  No one manages to escape, meaning that there must have been some sort of police surveillance around the club.

Jim and Bullock interview the one woman at the club who can identify Jason from their really crappy sketch.  Sally, the hostess, has a wicked scar from her eye to nose, circling around the cheekbone.  She has an even wickeder story, and the info that eventually leads to Jason.  After telling Jim and Bullock that the cops didn't take her seriously when she reported the guy years ago, she asks Jim to just kill the guy.  Jim, in a move he never would have done early in the season, agrees to it.  Does he already know Jason won't surrender peacefully?

Bruce's investigation of Sid Bunderslaw hits the deadest of ends.  While Alfred is identifying Reggie's body and making funeral arrangements, Bruce will pretend he doesn't feel totally guilty about Reggie's murder.  Bruce will use the free time to arrange a tour for himself at Wayne Enterprises.  And use the nifty, new key he just got made. 

The plan goes pretty well at first.  The fire alarm empties the division of the building right by Sid Bunderslaw's office.  And Bruce manages to slip in, supposedly undetected.  And Sid's safe is easy to find, and the key works. 

I'm sure this won't lead to a life of crime

Bunderslaw ruins all of Bruce's plans.  He's charming, and low-key and completely understanding as he enters his office, definitely not out of town, and offers Bruce a cookie.  Bruce doesn't want a cookie.  Bruce half-expects to be dead by sundown.  But, Sid's not here to hurt Bruce.  This conversation has gone easily enough in the past; there's no reason for him to even raise his voice.

Sid admits, freely, that Wayne Enterprises breaks laws.  Everywhere they're located.  And, that lawbreaking makes the Waynes wealthy men.  And each Wayne Man has accepted the fate of enjoying the vast wealth generated by Wayne Enterprise's lawbreaking in exchange for their silent complicity.  So, go ahead, Bruce, take the cookie (is anyone else wondering if this is like the Matrix, and he'll feel right as rain?).  

When Sid's protegee Lucius Fox shows up, a young man recently hired, mostly in charge of putting cameras everywhere, Sid sends Bruce off with Lucius to find the tour guide.  Lucius is less interested in getting Bruce back to his tour guide, and more interested in giving Bruce a secret message:  Bruce's father was a Stoic.  Well, I guess it's nice to know his favorite philosophy, but that doesn't really help Bruce.

It's only later, when he's back home with Alfred, who's pretty stoic himself over losing his war buddy, that Bruce can start to figure out what Lucius tried to tell him.  Bruce freely, but guiltily, admits his part in Reggie's death.  Alfred's not so much concerned with Reggie, who dug his own grave, but with Bruce's risky plan that failed.  And, it's Alfred that insists that Bruce's father would never have gone along with Wayne Enterprises' crimes.  Lucius must have been trying to tell Bruce that his dad hid some secrets behind a facade of resignation.  Bruce, his faith in his dad restored, ends the day pinning a snipped picture of him to his Wall of Murder.  Was Thomas Wayne killed because he was ready to make his own move?

Nygma's day is going spendidly, and involves making sure that Doherty's body will be impossible find or identify.  It involves wheeling the body in pieces through the precinct to his own Forensic Exam Room.  Here, he douses the body with whole pails of some kind of acid, reducing the thing down to bones that then get smashed in a bag.  Who should interrupt the process, and inadvertently see the remains, but Kris Kringle, herself.  Doherty's body is cut up, making the remains impossible for her to identify, but she's still wondering where Doherty could be.

So, Nygma needs an exit strategy for him.  The mumbling and scheming of Nygma while he conceals his (we think) first murder show the beginnings of a madman obsessed with getting his story right.  Nygma eventually finds Kris puzzling over a typewritten note, supposedly from Doherty.  He tells Kris to move on, and that he's going away.  Kris is angry that Doherty couldn't even dump her to her face.  Nygma thinks maybe there's more to the note than the text.  Kris has the night's best wisdom:  "Sometimes with men, you just need a drink."  When Kris leaves, he has a good chuckle to himself; he practically incriminated himself with the first letter of each line spelling his name in the letter.  It's a bold move that shows a few things:  Nygma loves wordplay; and he loves skirting the edge of getting himself caught, confident no one will ever catch him.

We end with Oswald's brilliant debacle.  Connor and his men get to Olivia's, find the guns, and deliver the last words, supposedly from Falcone.  Just when Connor thinks the job can be completed, the guns click, with no bullet coming out.  No gun works, except the guns Maroni's guys have pulled.  They're pissed that "Falcone" decided to kill them.  Pissed enough that Falcone will have to pay.

Butch runs to Oswald with the news, hoping Oswald will flee before the hammer can come down.  Oswald has no intention of doing anything except enjoying the soon-to-be war between Maroni and Falcone, which Maroni launches with an all-out assault on a car containing one of Falcone's people.  The head, severed after the body was shattered with bullets, horrifies Falcone, leaving him no desire to do anything but respond in kind.

It's Essen who informs her precinct, still celebrating after killing The Ogre, that they're officially on duty for the duration of Falcone and Maroni's war.  

Oswald's planned pretty well. Success always depends on everything coming together;  failure is much easier to make happen.  And, with Connor dead and Butch not talking, who could tell anyone what's really been happening?  Well, Olivia could.  Does Maroni really not question her about the hidden guns?  Or, is she already dead. assumed to be a traitor?  She's Oswald's only loose end, and he better cut her before she can implicate Butch, and through Butch, Oswald.

What's In A Name? - Game of Thrones - Season 5, Episode 3

The Starks, especially, have to decide how much the Stark name means to them.  Jon, Sansa, and Arya all either re-claim or permanently give up the Stark name.  For Jon, it was his secret dream.  Between his non-mother Catelyn's scorn, and Robb's confidence as his father's heir, the Stark name was everything, and he could never have it.  For Sansa, it was a sign of her nobility, but quickly became her weakness; her family's war with the Lannisters put her in constant danger.  For Arya, it became worthless.  Her father was beheaded early; her mother followed in about a year.  The Stark name gave her no protection and no family.

The Stark name obviously mean something to the other noble Houses of the North.  House Mormont on Bear Island has already told Stannis to fuck off, and at least one other family tried telling the Boltons to do the same.  Stannis is leaving Castle Black in two weeks to "persuade" the North that the Starks are no longer Kings.  The family that tried to disobey Roose Bolton is now strung up, blood where their skins used to be.  Ramsay Bolton considers it a job well done; the relative installed quickly paid the Boltons their "tax" (read: tribute).

But, Roose Bolton is thinking a longer game.  If Ramsay wants to rule the North one day, he can't be allowed to lose it by showing the other noble houses that he's a total dick.  Ned Stark was a North Man, through and through.  He breathed and bled for the people of the North.  He was their Warden.  Ramsay lacks the personality and intelligence to play that long game; and be the leader the North will happily look up to.  So, Roose was the one communicating with Littlefinger by tiny scrolls.  The marriage he and Littlefinger set up will give Ramsay more than the Bolton name; it will give his heir the Stark bloodline.

Yep, Littlefinger, after reassuring Sansa that he'd keep her safe, has bargained her off in marriage to Westeros' absolute worst man (Joffrey's dead, after all).  Sansa, without knowing much about Ramsay, is already horrified.  Roose Bolton personally killed her brother.  And arranged for her mother's and other loyal nobles' deaths.  He's the last person Sansa wants as a father-in-law.  But, Littlefinger has just the right leverage.  He offers her the chance to duck out; but wouldn't she rather be close to the guy she wants revenge on?

Sansa can't help grimacing as she wordlessly rejoins Littlefinger's caravan of marriage.  Littlefinger can't help smiling to himself.  Just as he moved pieces patiently to kill Joffrey, he's now doing the same to bring down the Lannisters in the North for good.  He outright offers Roose the alliance of the Vale and House Arryn.  Together, the North and the Vale can oppose almost anything King Tommen wants to do.  Roose was, at first, only interested in getting the Stark name into his household; Sansa is extremely valuable, and he almost doesn't care whether she's even able to legally wed Ramsay.  They're going to be wed anyway.  Sansa certainly seems more than resigned, pausing for a meaningful second before smiling widely for Roose and Ramsay.  Looks like she's learned from Margaery.

Ramsay also plays his part, kissing Sansa's hand, and earnestly promising Littlefinger that he'll love and cherish Sansa, which already has his archery buddy from last season scheming.  We know that Ramsay just can't resist being awful, and know it's only a matter of time until he breaks his word.  We also know that Littlefinger will tell Sansa that Ramsay is her problem to manage.  Has she learned enough to manage Ramsay?  The show is going into uncharted territory here, off-book, so we don't know what kind of marriage they'll have.

If I was Sansa, I'd get knocked up with Roose's grandson as soon as possible.  As soon as a son is born, I'd kill Ramsay; his brand-new spanking Bolton name is all he's good for now.  Then, I'd play hardball with Roose.  Roose may be prepared for such a move; he's already remarried, a Frey girl whose weight greatly enriched him.  He's already got a second chance at making an heir.   Or, he may end up being grateful to a daughter-in-law who removes a troublesome son.  We know that Roose is already anticipating Littlefinger screwing him over, by reading his confidential message from Cersei Lannister, and demanding to see the reply before it's sent.  Roose is good, but he's not in Littlefinger's class.  Don't be surprised if Littlefinger manages to play both Roose and Cersei until they destroy each other for him.  Leaving Sansa's future children Wardens of the North.  And indebted to him.

Brienne and Pod aren't far behind.  With Brienne resigned to somehow get into Moat Cailin to find Sansa, she and Pod share a campfire.  And some background.  Brienne confides that she was an ugly girl, even dressed up for a ball.  And, that Renly earned her undying devotion at said ball by dancing with her when the other noblemen laughed at her.  Lord Renly, who outranked them all, made them swallow their ridicule; and he got Brienne to remember her own self-worth.  Maybe as a man constantly suspected of being gay, and never good enough for either brother, Renly knew all too well what Brienne must have felt that day.

Pod's sympathetic, and has a sad story of his own; he originally squired for a Ser in Lord Tywin's battles with Robb Stark in the Riverlands.  His Ser was drunk and hungry, so he stole a ham.  He gave some to Pod, no doubt just as hungry as his Ser was.  The Ser was found the next day, passed out with the bone from the ham in his passed out hand.  He was hanged.  No one could prove Pod had had anything to do with it; but Tywin decided to punish him anyway, sending him down to King's Landing to squire for Tyrion.  He was happy pouring Lord Tyrion's wine; and he's perfectly content to take Brienne's armor off after a long day.

Back on their quest, with a good fire Pod quickly made, and now used to each other, Brienne decides it's time Pod learned fighting.  He's old for a squire, he needs to be working on his knighthood.  And Brienne is going to do for him what Renly did for her; save Pod from becoming a joke.  Both in Westeros, and with the TV audience.  Brienne, despite being committed elsewhere, deadpans that she knows Stannis was behind the shadow that killed Renly; she saw his face on the thing.  And she promises to get her revenge on him.  Good thing Stannis is heading her way.

Stannis tells Jon, after Jon reminds Stannis that the Night's Watch can't fight this war for him or even look like they're involved, that he's leaving in two weeks.  After Jon officially refuses his offer, while sitting in the Lord Commander's chair.  Jon looks used to it already, telling Stannis that new recruit Ollie is his steward, who will be allowed to hear all conversations.  Why not Sam?  Sam's not a fighter, so he can't protect Jon if need be.  Ollie has already saved Jon's life, proving he's able and loyal enough to sleep near the Lord Commander.

Jon will need Ollie at his back; though he has the loyalty of the young guns of the Night's Watch, Alliser Thorne is a crafty old veteran.  And Janos Slynt is just waiting to do Jon in.  Stannis advises Jon to send Alliser away; he seems done with Jon if the guy won't help him.  Ser Davos tries one more pitch, casting helping Stannis as Protecting the Realm.  Jon knows what he's protecting the realm from, though.  Stannis also officially dumps the Free Folk problem in Jon's lap, since he couldn't convince Mance Rayder to secure them for his own army.

Jon doesn't have a solution to the Free Folk problem yet.  He's got some personnel changes to do.  Some anonymous lucky guy gets to dig a new latrine pit, something Jon and the Night's Watch enjoy bantering about as Jon assigns the duty.  Alliser Thorne thought it would be him for sure.  But, even Jon has to admit that Thorne is too valuable to dig shit ditches.  Jon wants Thorne for the First Ranger, a post held by Uncle Benjen way at the beginning of Season 1.  It's an honor and Jon needs him there to boot.  But, Jon doesn't need Janos Slynt.  The guy has proved himself unable to do anything but piss himself, despite claiming to have defended King's Landing before Jon was born.

Jon sends him away to Greyguard, one of the abandoned watchpoints along the Wall.  Slynt thinks Jon is out of his mind.  Thorne realizes that Jon is making a deal with him; Jon will take away his troublemaker, but Thorne will remain unharmed as long as he plays by Jon's rules.  But, Jon can take away any of Thorne's allies he wants; and he proves it.  When Slynt outright refuses Jon's order, Jon has his fellow younger Night's Watch Brothers take custody of Slynt.  Ollie quickly fetches Jon's sword, a massive thing that Jon has finally grown into.  Slynt thinks it's all a ploy right to the end, when his neck is stretched out, and Jon is about to do his own killing, just like Ned Stark taught him.

Scared, again, Slynt gives in.  He even sobs a little as he admits that he's a worthless coward.  Even if Jon lets him live, he's now completely useless to Thorne, and Thorne knows it.  So, really, Jon does him a favor when he quick beheads the guy.  Stannis also manages to see it.

Tommen and Margaery have a much better day, getting happily married and happily having sex right away.  Margaery easily pretends to be both a virgin and yet completely happy and ready to please him, lounging next to him until it's time to go to work.  Operation Get Rid of Cersei is in full swing, with Margaery praising Cersei for her tireless attention and protection of Tommen.  She's impressed that Tommen will always be Cerise's little lion cub.  Tommen realizes that, now that he's had sex, he needs to be a man.  Which means trying to diplomatically send his mother back to Casterly Rock.

Cersei sees Margaery in Tommen's newfound concern for his mother's "happiness".  She tries her best to storm into Queen Margery's brunch with her ladies-in-waiting.  But yesterday's chants for Margery instead of her, and Tommen's new distance, have deflated her to the point that she can't even respond to Margaery's Mean Girl-isms.  Margaery can't promise her devotion to Cersei enough, but her syrupy tone and the fact that everyone already loves her and has hated Cersei for some time leave Cersei breathless and practically running away.

Cersei has no idea how to work against Margaery.  Until, that is, an unfortunate incident involving the High Septon, the Pope of King's Landing, some prostitutes, and some of the itinerant preachers, led by Lancel.  I really hope no one cosplays the prostitute made up to look like the Stranger, the unknown god of death of Westeros' faith.  The High Septon is humiliated by the Sparrows for his high-living and hypocrisy.  Qyburn points out that the guy had his whipping through the streets of King's Landing coming, as he was found in a brothel.  Cersei looks completely unconcerned.  None of the Small council is sympathetic; the High Septon should take care of this himself, not come crying to Cersei.

Cersei, instead, goes off in search of the High Sparrow, a play on the High Septon's title.  The assault on the High Septon was his idea.  Cersei takes a page from Margaery's playbook, willingly leaving her litter to climb the steps to the foul-smelling soup kitchen above.  The High Sparrow has no name; he sheepishly admits that others call him the High Sparrow.  He'd prefer Lord Duckling.  Maybe even King Turtle.

As he wanders through, handing bowls of soup to grateful followers, Cersei realizes that here's a man she can use.  The High Sparrow is just the guy to bring a wayward King's Landing back to the Seven. He's just the guy to be furious if Queen Margaery can be implicated in adultery.  Cersei is already plotting how to get Margaery into his clutches.  It starts with imprisoning the former High Septon, and seeing to his replacement.

Cersei's next stop is Qyburn, who reports that their special project is coming along, but slowly.  Cersei doesn't look impatient as she focuses instead on a message for Littlefinger, that he must respond to immediately.  Is there some digging she wants Littlefinger to do for her?  Maybe find a young man who can be bait for Queen Margaery?  Roose, though he sees the message, doesn't reveal what it was.  And, we can't help being more worried about what's sleeping on Qyburn's bed.  Or, rather, not sleeping.

Arya is sweeping.  And sweeping.  And sweeping.  It's all Sorcerer's Apprentice at the House of Black and White, complete with a fed up apprentice.  Jaqen, in his robe, reminds Arya that valar dohaeris means "to serve", and that's what her new home is all about.  Arya demands to know who they serve.  Jaqen gestures to the statues that surround the vast chamber they're in.  Arya recognizes some of the statues of various gods.  Jaquen calls them faces of one god.  The god all men of Braavos serve.  The one you pray to with "Not today".

When Jaqen offers a bowl of water to a grateful, silent man who shortly dies prostrated before one of the statues, a girl not much older than Arya helps cart the man off to some chamber below.  Arya wants to know where his body is going; the girl wants to know Arya's name, and why she's there if she knows so little about what she's gotten into.  Jaqen interrupts, and points out that Arya isn't ready for this stage.  Arya, tired of sweeping and unanswered questions, insists that she really is no one.

Not with Arya Stark's stuff, she isn't.  So, Arya dons the same jumper as her co-worker.  And goes to the river, where she can't throw her old clothes into the river fast enough.  The coin she takes one, last look at.  She tosses it too.  Needle, she needs some time with.  It's more than her last connection to her old life. Her old family.  Her old name.  It's the weapon she learned to take care of herself with.  She hides it behind some rocks, for now.  How long 'til Jaqen realizes?

Now, dressed like she belongs there, she finally gets the good job of... washing the dead bodies.  The place is like a hospice.  People come there to die.  When Arya's done washing the body, she gets to find out what happens to it next.

Tyrion finally lost his shit.  His game of "Are We There Yet?" gets serious when he decides that he's going to tour Volantis, crossroads of the East.  The massive bridge they walk across spans the Rhoyne as it empties into the Summer Sea.  It's almost the halfway point, where they'll turn and start heading East.

The city is a typical one; slaves, treated like animals, crowds everywhere.  Tyron, hooded, blends right in until he and Varys see a street preacher.  She's beautiful, with full red lips, skinny hips, and a pretty dress.  She is hypnotic as she woos the crowd with hope.  The crowd is made of slaves, and she promises them all that her Lord of Light is sending the freedom he promised.  Through a queen who made dragons.  Tyrion and Varys are impressed; Volantis wants her to come and free them, too.   When the young preacher lingers too long over Tyrion's face in the crowd, he decides it's time to go whoring.

Even with very little money, Tyrion can have a good time.  When the guard at the entrance disrespects him, Tyrion makes him a sexual proposition.  After that, it's getting pissed drunk and pretending to seduce the prostitutes.  He's all set to have a wonderful night, when, for a change, he just can't.  Shae's too recently in his mind.  His first love, also a prostitute, is probably also in his mind.  Whatever it is, Tyrion decides he'll take a leak over the bridge into the water instead.

He and Varys picked the one brothel in all of Volantis they would be recognized.  It only takes one man, one desperate man, to ruin all of their travel plans.  Jorah declares he's taking Tyrion to "The Queen", but he doesn't say which one.  Does he want a lordship, or his Khaleesi?

A Woman's Place - Scandal - Season 4, Episode 20

Jake was fucking with us!  He's alive, barely.  He'll spend the episode at death's door, knocking.  Even when he's conscious, he'll be at death's door.  The important thing is this:  on Scandal, until you see the body buried or cremated, no one's really dead.

This episode weaves the stories of Mary Peterson, Olivia, and Mellie together.  Jake's bloody body leads to the Russian doctor who will get Olivia to help Mary.  Olivia will give Mellie her campaign strategy, through Fitz.  All three women will try to ease out of the shadow of a past life, a father, a husband.  Olivia and Mellie make it.  Poor Mary doesn't.

It all starts innocently enough, with Quinn starting her day at Gladiator HQ, where she picks up the newspapers Olivia will read, the mail, gets some coffee going, opens up the conference room, finds Jake's bloody mess of a body sprawled on the conference room table...

You know, just a regular day at the office

Huck uses a combination of Karate and CPR to revive Jake.  Huck and Quinn go to Charlie, who always knows the most interesting people.  As well as every creepy and empty warehouse in the D.C. area.  Olivia and Rosen meet the B-613 contingent there, where Olivia announces that this was her father's doing.  Jake is alive, but Rowan doesn't yet know that.  So, they decide to keep him out of the hospital and pester Charlie on when his black market Russian doctor friend will show up.

He does, and he actually doesn't want money.  Once he realizes who Olivia is, and that she can understand Russian, his payment is a favor; go to a former KGB agent he knows nearby, and help her out of a jam.  He's cagey on the jam, and Olivia is horrified that she might help a Russian harm her country to save Jake, but she's that desperate.  While Olivia and Huck leave to help someone code-named Black Sable, Dr. Russian demands that Rosen help him.

Mellie, now in the thick of her Senate campaign, faces her fiercest opponent.  Not the Democrat running.  No, Sally Langston.  Once again her Eagle Freedom Flag show has to highlight Sally practically hissing out her contempt that the First Lady would decide to do anything besides stand at Fitz's side.  She insists that it's a huge conflict of interest for someone representing a State to be sleeping at the White House.  She questions whether it's even legal. She also dares to use the word "opportunist", which, after her display after the funeral bombing, is rich.

Fitz and Mellie are panicking after Sally's tirade.   Especially when Abby and Lizzy look dazed when Fitz wants to know if anyone checked on whether it's legal.  So, now Rosen will be involved in both Olivia and Mellie's stories tonight.

Rosen, on the phone from Warehouse Hospital, confirms to Abby that Mellie would be breaking no law.  Sure, it would be a conflict of interest, and maybe someone should have made a law to keep it from happening.  It just never occurred to any lawmaker that a First Lady would ever want to do something else.  Abby's indignant at that explanation, and Rosen realizes that he better come up with a better soundbite, or he'll have more than rocks from his feminist sisters to worry about.  

He ends up doing a phone interview, once again from Warehouse Hospital, running through the constitutional requirements to run for President.  Which, pretty much should be tipping all of Washington off as to Mellie's eventual intentions.  Since this isn't the TV World, his TMI moment goes unnoticed.  The country has gotten over the legality of what Mellie's doing.  They just hate the conflict of interest.  One could mention that Fitz doesn't set spending; Congress does that.  But, Fitz's administration does write the budget.  One can assume that everyone not from Virginia would be scrutinizing every single penny going to that state. 

Mellie decides that she should confront Sally and her ugly condemnations personally; Fitz and Lizzy shake their heads.  Cy texts from the couch, completely uninterested.  Abby ends up suggesting that a man should face Sally.  She hates suggesting it, and we hate hearing it, but she's right to point out that when a man stands up for women and their independence, people listen.  And, what better man to go at Sally than her arch-nemesis, and fellow widower, Cy.  Their spouses died from the fallout of their affair; wouldn't Cy love the payback?

No, he would not.  Fitz's yes-man bellows out that whatever Lizzy has on Fitz, Cy will deal with it.  The irony here is that Cy will be sent out to defend Mellie's right to a Senate career, but he can't see why Fitz would ever be helping this along.  He's shocked that Fitz just wants to be a good husband.  Fitz wants to make good on the deal he made her.  And Fitz bellows right back at Cy to do the interview.  

It turns out, that Cy almost enjoys himself.  Sally devotes a whole segment to interviewing him, trying to get his goat in a few ways.  She says that Mellie's marriage vows preclude her doing anything but being First Lady.  Oh, Sally, don't make Cy remind you that you were VP while married.  She invents a term, "Mother of the Nation", as Mellie's job.  Cy, who hates bullshit behind closed doors, swats that away.  "Mother" is something one is; it's not a job.   The Nation doesn't need Mothering.  Virginia needs a Senator.  Sally tries to goad Cy by reminding him of his own, past wishes for elected office; Cy looks wistful for a moment.  But, he's made his peace with the fact that his place is as the enforcer everyone's afraid of.  With Sally's needling survived, he simply brings up dead Daniel Douglas.  This ends the interview right away, and Sally's attacks.

Olivia and Huck, anxious to meet Black Sable, former KGB Killer Extraordinaire, can't believe that it turns out she's a middle aged grandma.  Black Sable calls herself Mary Peterson, tells people she's from Wisconsin, and bakes cookies for her grandchildren, who she raises since her husband and daughter died in a drunk driver accident.  

Olivia and Huck sit rapt as Mary describes how poor she was as a child in Russia; it involves a starved brother and no shoes.  Apparently, the KGB lured her with the promise of footwear and an education.  And, a life in America.  The only catch is that she had to kill people.  And she was good at it.  Her fellow Russians, despite Huck's advice that they're dead inside, still managed to fear her.  But, when the Cold War ended the kill orders stopped coming, and Mary assumed she'd been retired.  She got a life.

Now, that life is threatened.  Literally.  By someone who knows who she was and where to leave her a kill order.  Olivia is almost relieved; Mary doesn't want to go back to killing.  She hardly could at her age, I might add.  And, Olivia and Huck are happy to help.  

Huck tracks Mary's would-be handler down; he's one Costia Pastanak.  He pretends to be a butcher, which gives him a chance to slice up meat with an impressive cleaver while Olivia tries to negotiate with him.  But, Costia's firm.  He grew up just as poor as Mary.  His town was so awful that the Communists sent their enemies there to die of cold.  Costia is a Russian patriot; and he's got no sympathy for anyone who won't serve.  Mary will serve Mother Russia or die.

Rowan, meanwhile, meets with Russell, who tells him Jake is dead.  Rowan knows this isn't true, because there was no angry phone call from Olivia about it.  When Russell can't get Olivia to meet him, or even talk long enough on the phone to track her, Rowan gets the bright idea to simply shoot Russell in the arm.  Russell looks hurt that Rowan thinks he's more use shot that hunting Jake.  But, like most of Rowan's plans, it works.  

What part of, "You're just a pawn to me" don't you understand?

Olivia and Huck take a quick break from saving Mary to charge into Russell's hospital room.  Russell's got just the story to convince Olivia to destroy Russell's phone and have Huck drug Russell so they can bring him to the last place he should be;  laying right next to a barely alive Jake Ballard.

While Russell is enjoying Warehouse Hospital, Olivia tries to convince Mary to simply kill Costia herself.  First, it wouldn't solve the problem; Russia might just send another handler.  Second, Mary's had time to reflect, since a drunk crashed into her husband and daughter years ago.  Murder doesn't just kill someone; it crushes their loved ones.  Maybe she had a good reason to take the job- would any of us refuse it?  But, she can't go back to it now.  All she can do is pray to a god she only kind of believes in, desperately hoping she's forgiven for how many lives she ruined.

Olivia needs Rowan and Costia off her back.  So, she decides to solve both her day's problems.  It's a great plan; she offers Costia her father, giving him the burner phone Rowan gave her days ago, and tells him that Rowan's a much better kill than anyone else.  Costia gets the kill of his career; and he gets Russia to forget all about Mary.  It's almost like a breakthrough in American/Russian relations that will never be in the history books.

Olivia's only mistake is informing her team of what she's done in Russell's presence.  When he turns over, he realizes that he knows Olivia's next move, and his target is right next to him.  Russell doesn't get to kill Jake, as Jake moves around, setting off alarms on his medical equipment that bring everyone running.  But, Russell does manage to sneak away in the excitement, find a phone, and tell Rowan.  Bad boy!

The Gladiators are sitting tight, including, for now, Dr. Russian.  They're waiting for Huck to confirm that Costia killed Rowan.  And while they wait, Olivia takes her really unwanted phone call from Fitz. The affair's been over, she's totally disappointed in him as a person, but she's the only person who knows how to turn Mellie's candidacy around.  She tells Fitz to play up the conflict of interest.  Who wouldn't want a Senator who literally talks to the President every day, alone?  Keep in mind, Lizzy's idea was to leak that Mellie and Fitz are practically separated.  So, Mellie would have to campaign as damaged goods.  Lizzy's in a box; she doesn't know yet how to turn a problem upside down like Olivia does.

Fitz asks her if she's okay.  Olivia could have used this chance to tell him about B-613's eventual grand jury; she doesn't.   Fitz tells her he's trying to crawl out of the hole he dug in his marriage.  He may not love Mellie, but he can at least keep his promises to her.  

It works; Abby, Fitz, and Mellie are ecstatic. Lizzy's going to have a successful candidate.  Only Cy is disappointed.  He moans to Abby that this is the end of Fitz's presidency.  Who's going to take seriously a man who's wife can needle stuff for her Senate seat out of him?  Fitz and Mellie are about to find out that sexism can ruin men. too.

Olivia, still waiting for the news that her father is dead, sits between Russell and Jake.  Which, is awkward.  Especially, considering that Russell is fake-sleeping and can hear Olivia's tender words to Jake about she feels so useless to him right now, when he's been able to move heaven and earth to save her.  And, she finally agrees with him:  they should never have left that island.  Will they ever go back?  Find another B-613 slush fund to support them in tropical bliss?  

When Huck has no info, Olivia gets spooked, and decides the best idea is to go right into danger all alone.  She gets there to see Mary Peterson and her grandkids shot in the heads.  Her case turned into a disaster.  But, just to show her who called the shots, she hears a phone ringing as she's about to get in her car and drive away.  A phone ringing from her trunk.  Costia is dead, too.  Just so Olivia will know it was Rowan.  She picks up the phone, worried that Rowan is right behind her; but that's not Rowan's style.  He'll kill everyone around her, not her.  He'll isolate her until he's all she's got.  Which, he basically tells her before she hangs up on him and dashes back to Warehouse Hospital.

Why does my dad have to suck so much????

There, everyone can hear, including Russell, that Olivia is forcing them all to give up on B-613.  There will be no grand jury.  Rosen tries to fight her on it.  But without Jake, the case is weak.  And Jake is in no condition to testify.  Especially not with Dr. Russian leaving in a snitfit over dead Mary Peterson.  Jake still won't last without medical care; they need to take him to a hospital.  Once Jake is there, the whole thing needs to be called off so Jake will be safe in a real hospital.  Olivia verbally beats down everybody, even Rosen, over this.  She's angry that her father won; but Rowan confirms to Russell later that she made the call.  She handled it for him.

Rowan's quite pleased with the whole thing, but tells Russell that he's not done.  There's a big shindig coming up, something called "Foxtail", and Rowan wants to make sure that Olivia doesn't change her mind on anything.  For now, Russell's going to move in with Olivia, at Olivia's request, and be her lover.  It's all very creepy when Olivia meets Russell in her bed later in a beautiful silk/lace negligee, ready to make him forget all about his arm.  No one wants her to spend a night pleasing Russell.  

So, it's great that that's not her plan.  While Russell has closed his eyes, imagining something as per Olivia's sexy request, Olivia pulls out a nasty-looking gun, probably the same one Jake gave her a half-season ago, and points it hard at Russell's forehead.  She wasn't as scared and helpless after that phone call from Rowan as B-613 thinks.  She realized that the only person who overheard her plan and would have gone to Rowan was Russell.  Doh!  Never be the only one who could have snitched!

And now, she's heard about Foxtail.  And she wants Russell to know that his life is about to get painful.

It's Fifty Shades of Turning the Tables!

The Line - Gotham - Season 1, Episode 20

This is a terrible episode to be a chick.  Fish Mooney, though not shown, is shot and who knows if she bled out before she could land that bird.  Barbara is back, and practically suicidally depressed.  Lee Thompkins is now living thriller/horror movie tropes day and night.  Essen exists merely to restate what Jim and Bullock discover so the audience can understand.  Kris Kringle's boyfriend is an abuser, and the guy who wants to protect her has officially crossed "The Line".  The Line that Bruce officially draws in the ballroom floor while making Selina do everything he does backwards and in high heels.

And it's a terrible night to be a parent. Jacob Skolimsky and Mrs. Kapelput try to avoid some unpleasant truths about their sons.  Does Maroni flirt with Mrs. K. and then try to shove that her son is a murderer down her throat because he knows about Oswald's plan?  Or was this just him dicking around because he can?  Does he know Oswald bought Olivia's deli?  If he does, then Oswald's plan is for nothing.  Does Oswald consider this before he goes all throat-slitty?  Oswald transitions between scheming murder and viscerally shoving a glass shard into a neck beautifully.  And, I mean beautifully.  Every contortion of his jaw and eyes reveals he is desperate that his mother believes, or at least pretends to believe, that he's a good boy.  He needs his mother's unadulterated adoration.  Maroni crossed a line with Oswald.

I'm going to prove I'm not a psycho by killing the guy who said I am

Jacob Skolimsky likes to think he has no illusions about his son; he covered up his son's initial murder.  But he hasn't seen little Jason since that murder, and he's convinced that Bullock and Jim are lying the second the detectives claim Jason's been seducing women.  Haha, he's got them! Because Jason was initially ugly.  So ugly his mother left.  And Jason glommed onto the affectionate recluse who employed his father.  Miss VanGroot burst disfigured Jason's precious bubble, and he probably killed her as bloodily and greedily as Oswald killed the flower delivery guy.  Is the face Jason started life with the reason he's called "The Ogre" now?

The episode also touches on something that will become a major theme of the Batman saga- being two people.  Now, it's about hiding a monster behind a respectable human mask.  One day, Batman will hide a human behind a horrible mask.  For now, we only have Barbara Kean and Jason Skolimsky commiserating over having to hide their pain and dysfunction.

They meet in a bar, seemingly by chance.  It's all going just as it did with every other cop tracking him... except it turns out, his information is out of date.  Jim and Barbara aren't a thing anymore, and now she's insulted that he thinks she's a slut.  He can't decide whether to kill her out of habit or not, when she tosses out a bit of self-pity, and hints that deep down, she's actually a terrible person no one should care about.  Then, she kicks him out.

So, now he has to be obsessed with her.

Jason and Barbara's plotline will skip in and out of Selina and Bruce's plan, which they hatch right after Reggie Payne's drop out a fourth-floor window.  Bruce is horrified at Reggie's murder; Selina holds firm that nothing's more important than keeping Reggie from ever ratting them out.  She also points out that Reggie Payne was probably the gunman who killed Bruce's parents.

Really?  That's it?  Couldn't we have spent another episode figuring that out?

Selina tries to back out, but Bruce makes it clear that if he goes down for this, she's coming too.  And he says the magic word: "safe".  As in, a safe she could break into.  Now, she's in it for the challenge, and the plan is to meet at the Wayne Enterprises Charity Ball, which he invited himself to, and find this Mr. Bunderslaw.   Selina's pretty sure she can engineer a way to copy the key to his safe if Bruce can find the guy and distract him.

With Selina living with Barbara, and both couples ending up at the Ball together, Selina and Barbara wander in and out of each other's story, coming together for brief moments, such as when Barbara sees the clothes Bruce sends Selina for the Ball, and when she meets Bruce as he comes to pick Selina up.  Barbara really doesn't even suspect the two have their own mission; it never even occurs to her to ask how they met.  Selina, though, is suspicious of Jason the second she sees him leaving the Ball with Barbara.

Once, at the Ball, Bruce and Selina dance awkwardly, trying to smile while grownups surround them and coo over how adorable they are.  Jason and Barbara spin seductively among the couples, with him whispering in her ear at how much trouble he went to to attend a party with her, and how they're actually alike, two people hiding something awful beneath.

Like, how you're trying to hide that it's a wig

Jim and Bullock spend the episode hard on the heels of the something awful beneath.  Before Jim can get to the hard-nosed detective work, he's desperate to make sure Lee is safe.  The scene is filled with thriller-tropes.  Lee is in the bath; she hears a sound and investigates alone; she finds a cat and is setting it free when someone comes up behind her.  She ends up clocking Jim in the face, which he deserves, as it seems he'll only admit he loves her if he thinks someone's trying to kill her.  Jim tries to talk her into leaving town, just as he did with Barbara.  Jim can really only see women as an impediment, can't he?  Lee throws that idea out- she has a job.  That job is at the precinct, surrounded by cops.  She's not going anywhere.  Except Jim's lap.

Now that the detectives can get to work, Bullock is fully vested now, to the point that he joins right in with Jim.  They both lean on the original detective who tried tracking The Ogre.  When The Ogre killed his wife, he caved, scratched out some clue in his notes, and let eleven more women die.  He wanted his own daughter to live.  Jim throws photographs of dead women in front of him, and it's Bullock who points out they were all someone's daughters.  How should the fathers of these women feel about GCPD's cowardice?

Original Detective gives them a lead on the original victim, who worked as a secretary for a cosmetic surgeon.  The secretary was suggested for the job by a patient who Dr. Bigboobs won't disclose without a warrant.  On their way back to the precinct, Jim spots a car he's seen before today- is someone tailing them?  They won't anymore, not after nearly running Jim and Bullock over to get away.  Essen finally gets to know what's going on, and she apparently has decided to overlook the fact that this is the first time she's briefed on anything.  While they wait for a warrant to find Dr. Bigboobs' patient, Jim decides to take a mysterious call at his desk, where no one but himself can hear it.

It turns out to be The Ogre, going right to the threats and warning Jim that he shouldn't believe he's as awesome as the press makes out.  Essen, Bullock, and Jim all agree that the call was supposed to scare him, but Jim's decided to not give The Ogre what he wants.  So, he parades Lee out as his girlfriend supporting him while he walks right into a press conference to announce The Ogre's existence.  And to promise, for the public's benefit and Jason's, that he's ending The Ogre's reign of terror.   Has anyone but me noticed how much his hair has grown?  He looked barely out of the army at the season premiere.  Now, he's become the look we all associate with Jim Gordon.

Totally cool with being bait

The warrant comes through and was worth the wait: the patient was a wealthy old lady named Miss VanGroot.  She was from old money and a recluse, but somehow wanted cosmetic surgery anyway.  Jim and Bullock go over to her swanky mansion, where they just wander in to find the butler has just tried to hang himself.

The butler is Jacob Skolimsky, and he doesn't believe a word Jim or Bullock say about his son killing women.  He holds firm, despite Jim and Bullock insisting it's true.  The pictures of Jason as a disfigured boy and young man throw them for a loop, and Essen thinks they're on the wrong trail until Bullock reveals that Jim now knows the real connection between Jason and the first victim.  After killing Miss VanGroot over her humiliation of him, Jason somehow got control of her money and used it to get cosmetic surgery on his face, so he could have a handsome mask concealing the monster within.  The first victim, knowing Miss VanGroot, may have recognized Jason before, and could have recognized him after.

Quick question:  why didn't Jacob and Jason just bury Miss VanGroot in the backyard, and claim she was overseas?  The smell of a dead body gets everywhere, no matter how big the house.  And, no body means it's very hard to accuse someone of murder.  Miss VanGroot could have been permanently missing.  Now, Jason is definitely on the hook for her murder.

We're hauling you in for not even bothering to hide the body

And, what will Nygma do with Doherty's body?  He'll definitely be smarter than the Skolimskys.  And, he'll definitely make sure the blade is clean of Doherty's DNA.  Maybe, he'll even destroy it.  After all, blades can be matched to their stab wounds.  Wouldn't want to get caught with a blade that could have killed a cop.  Did Nygma really just want Doherty to leave Kris alone, or leave town?  Or, did he plan on killing Doherty the second he saw the bruises on Kris' arm, and realized her squirming when embraced by Doherty was from fear?  In the Records Annex, Nygma interrupts Doherty getting a very unwilling forgiveness from Kris for something, and it totally ruins the exquisitely carved watermelon treat he had planned for them.

(Side remark:  only Nygma would think of taking a watermelon used in a forensic investigation and turn it into a treat for his crush.)

Kris tries to warn Nygma off intervening, insisting that it's her fault, and none of his business.  Has Doherty convinced her she'd never find anyone else, is worthless without him?  Nygma doesn't know, and he doesn't care.  No one hurts Kris Kringle.  Not while he's got a Riddle left in him.  Nygma is all seriousness as he tells Doherty:

I can start a war or end one,

I can give you the strength of heroes, or leave you powerless,

I might be snared with a glance, but no force can compel me to stay.

What am I?

The answer is what Kris Kringle gave to Doherty: love.  Riddles are about the contradictions and multiple meanings and descriptions in many of our words.  And, love is almost the most contradictory thing ever.  Love can build you up or rip you down.  It can warm your hearth or burn your house.   It can make Nygma stammer nervously around Kris, but address Doherty as if he's the boss.  And it can make Nygma back up the Line he draws on a street at night, under elevated tracks with sparks from a passing train ripping through the shadows.  There are still plenty of shadows as the two battle it out, with Nygma winning by shocking Doherty with a few stab wounds.

Nygma can't believe he's managed to actually do it.  His murder is full of "Oh dear".  He sounds more like an old lady spilling tea.  Once Doherty's body is on the ground, and he sees the knife is a bloody mess, his hair comes loose, making him look less like a Forensic Expert and more like a mad scientist.  He laughs as he trembles.  There's a riddle in there, somewhere.

What feels better than killing some prick?  Answer: nothing!

Selina and Bruce end their night successfully; Sid Bunderslaw is off in the morning on a flight somewhere while two tweenies have a mold of the key to his safe.  Selina is relaxing at home while Jim realizes why Lee hasn't been attacked yet.  When the cosmetic surgeon can only provide a crappy description that leads to a sketchy sketch, he, Essen and Bullock need to drum up something better.  So, Essen gets Jim to go back over his phone call from The Ogre.  And Jim realizes why The Ogre hasn't touched Lee; he quoted Jim a newspaper article that featured his picture... with Barbara.

Barbara seems totally unconcerned about serial killers as she toys with her fur, waiting for Jason to pour her a drink at his place.  When Grace Fairchild was here, he made sure she didn't see his toy room.  But, Barbara is different.  Barbara is invited to wander on in.  And she does.  And it looks like the medieval weapons room at the Met.  Which she's totally cool with.  Jason follows her in, wondering if she'll actually try to run.  But Barbara has only a cool stare for him.

So, what are your issues?

Everywhere Else to Go - Game of Thrones - Season 5, Episode 2

The show, at this point in the season, is about 50% book-based.  Brienne's plotline, at this point, has been vastly improved- the books have her wandering, finding neither Stark girl, and then crashing into a character that will not be in the show.  Jaime would have been going to the Riverlands to confront Blackfish Tully over Riverrun.  Varys was completely MIA- Tyrion traveled to Mereen with a company Illyrio hired for him.  Loras was in the King's Guard, and clashing with Jaime every fifty pages or so.  Bronn was  married and literally named his newborn son Tyrion in spite against the Lannisters.  Sansa didn't leave the Vale.

Season 5 is still young, so bits and pieces of these plots from the books may happen- someone will need to deal with the chaos of the Riverlands, because the Freys really have no idea what they're doing, which should be apparent any episode now.  Since Kevan Lannister, now presumably Lord of Casterly Rock, is returning home, maybe the task will fall to him.  We saw him stand up to Cersei at the Small Council meeting- but will she finagle a way to keep him in King's Landing, or find a way to get Tommen to actually command Kevan? And will the show ever feature Gemma Lannister, Tywin and Kevan's sister?  She was a character made for HBO.

The show, like the books, is also showing numerous places in Essos, the "mainland" separated from Westeros by the Narrow Sea.  Essos is the land of Braavos, Pentos, Lyr, Volantis, Vaes Dothrak and Mereen,  We used to see it only for Danaerys' part in our story.  Now, Stannis has visited, and Varys, Tyrion and Arya will be there indefinitely.  That's four major characters there now.  Essos is supposed to be Westeros' opposite, to demonstrate how much stranger the rest of the world is from the "noble" land of Westeros.  With every episode, the strangeness of Essos fades until it becomes a place that a fugitive of Westeros can come, and live outside the treachery of King's Landing.  Arya plans on learning what she needs to exact revenge back in Westeros.  Danaerys is learning to be a queen so she can sit confidently on the Iron Throne.  Essos has become a place to prepare for eventual victory back home.

We're also going to see more of Dorne, and got only a slight taste last night.  It's our first topic, as the plotline involved unites Dorne and King's Landing.  Dorne is the southernmost region of Westeros.  Famous for red wine, mountain passes and deserts, it's a hard land with warriors who never lost to the Targaryens.  Their leader is a Prince- the only Prince allowed outside of the Royal Family, since the Martells joined Westeros by treaty and marriage.  All the other major lords were once kings conquered by the Targaryens and their dragons.  The current Prince, Doran, suffers from gout, which plagued mostly well-to-do men in the 1700s here, and has been mostly wiped out by better diet.  Doran, in one brief scene, comes off as a grieving man, and a just one.   His body guard is Areo Hotah, from the city of Norvos in Essos.  He doesn't like to brag, but you're not getting past his pike without Doran's permission.

Not even you, Ellaria

Ellaria Sand, Prince Oberyn's long-time lover and mother to four of his children, will not accept Oberyn's horrible death by the Mountain in Tyrion's trial by combat.  Doran points out that trial by combat is a lawful way to die, leaving him with no cause for war against Lannisters or King's Landing.  Ellaria either thinks Oberyn's participation was a Lannister trick or doesn't care; she's demanding that Myrcella, daughter of Cersei Lannister, pay in fingers.  Doran doesn't look horrified, but he stands firm that justice doesn't come from hurting girls.

Dorne is a rough country, but it's one that respects women; they are included in inheritance, equal among their brothers, and women have more freedom.  Notably, the freedom to learn how to fight.  So, when Doran won't give her Myrcella, or a war over Oberyn, she reminds Doran that Oberyn's daughters will avenge their father, and whip up support for revenge.  These daughters are known as The Sand Snakes, as they are all illegitimate daughters of Oberyn Martell, and all dangerous in their own ways.  Maybe a Sand Snake was the anonymous gifter of a beautiful carved snake for Cersei, from which dangles a unique pendant on a chain.

Stop saying I look just like the snake!

Cersei is repulsed by the snake and pendant, and not just because the snake is ugly and looks ready to strike;  the pendant belongs to Myrcella, and Cersei considers it a sign that the Martells of Dorne mean to take revenge out on Myrcella for Oberyn's death.  Doran means to do just the opposite: mourn his brother, and let Myrcella breathe his air in blissful pink gauze strolling through his water gardens.  Doran is an honorable man but that doesn't mean he doesn't want justice for his murdered sister just as much as Oberyn did.

Cersei is happily convinced otherwise.  Based on her past with prophecies coming true, every possible threat against her own children must be dealt with.  Myrcella was promised to Doran's son in marriage by Tyrion.  Behind Dorne's spears, far from King's Landing, Myrcella really is as safe as a Princess of Westeros could be. Cersei is convinced that only she can keep her children safe.  And she makes it perfectly clear to Jaime that they're the only people who matter to her anymore.  Even he is now pond scum in her eyes.  He was unable to protect Joffrey; he inadvertently got their father murdered.  To Cersei, Jaime is practically a Stark now.  So, Jaime decides to do something bold; he'll go to Dorne, somehow break Myrcella's betrothal, and bring her home to Cersei.

It's an interesting plan, not covered in the books, which means it will be full of surprises for us all.  The biggest surprise could be how he'll deal if he has to fight with only one hand.  Jaime's not worried about that; in fact, he knows just the guy for a bit of travel in a land known for it's wine and fighting.

A man with a plan

Good ol' Ser Bronn of the Blackwater, engaged to one Lady Lollis Stokeworth, knows he's got nothing to complain about.  His wife is an idiot, and probably won't be much fun in bed.  But she's not horrible to look at, and is easily distracted with wedding plans.  She's also wonderfully easy to manipulate into wanting to see her sister dead, which Bronn is already hinting at.  Before you can say "wildfire", Lollis will come to see her sister needed to die once Bronn kills her.

His plan is coming along until Jaime comes along.  Jaime looks like he's cosplaying Marvel's Daredevil, but it's the scroll he's carrying that's more important.  Somehow, he's finagled a new fiancee for Lollis, and a new job for Bronn.  Make it back to King's Landing with Jaime and Myrcella and all their fingers, and Bronn gets a better, richer wife and a better castle.  Oh, and did Jaime mention they're going someplace famous for women and wine?   Lollis who?

Way on the other end of Westeros, the characters all huddle indoors while weak sunlight falls into old rooms of wood and stone.  Castle Black is preparing to vote for the Night's Watch's new Lord Commander, to replace Jeor Mormont, killed by his own men at Craster's Keep.  Stannis isn't as impressed with old Lord Mormont, as the current holder of Bear Island, Jeor's sister Maege Mormont, has sent Stannis a note basically "Fuck you, you're not a Stark" to Stannis' demand for recognition as king.  Bear Island has the distinction of being extremely difficult for anyone to take, a result of past invasions by Greyjoy ships.  So,  good luck getting them to bend the knee, Stannis.

No more quick deaths, Jon

Stannis is also pissy that Mance Rayder didn't burn in agony as per his command.  Ser Davos holds up is own half-fingers as a warning of what Jon can expect for displeasing Stannis.  Jon simply stands firm, practically daring Stannis to try to have any bit of him cut off.  However, instead of punishment, Stannis has a deal.  It's a strange deal for Stannis to make; he's always admired honor and keeping oaths, so for him to offer Jon the Stark name and Winterfell if he deserts the Night's Watch is not in keeping with his values.  But, he values the Iron Throne more.  And with a Stark in Winterfell, placed there by him, the North could be his.  As Roose Bolton pointed out last season, the North is about half of all Westeros.  Stannis will happily give Jon justice for Robb's murder two seasons ago, too.  No Boltons, the noble name he's always secretly wanted, and Winterfell?  Sam thinks he's crazy to turn it down.  But, Jon holds firm.  He got a taste of breaking his oaths, even if it was to eventually save the Night's Watch.  He chose the Night's Watch because they were willing to take a bastard and make him an equal.  If a Brother doesn't like you, he lets you know.  Better that than dealing with King Stannis Baratheon, and the treachery of the other noble houses.

Sam, despite wanting Jon to take the deal, must be relieved when Jon confirms he'll be staying a Brother.  Sam spends the day in the library, reading up on past Lord Commanders of the Night's Watch, trying to glean something we can't see yet, while Shireen Baratheon works on her second student, Gilly.  Gilly's having trouble with the letter 'S', but Shireen is patient and optimistic.  These three together, the bookish two with Gilly who just hopes to stay somewhere warm and safe, actually get along well.  Gilly doesn't know much about history, but Gilly gets Shireen's and Sam's attention when it turns out that she knows how Grayscale, a disease Shireen recovered from, usually ends.  It seems to be a combination of leprosy and rabies.  Victims become horribly mutilated, and lose all control over themselves.  Shireen and Sam listen in morbid, rapt, attention.  The fun is ruined when Selyse appears, sending Sam and Gilly scurrying.  She scolds Shireen for any contact with a wildling, but Shireen looks like she'd rather know Gilly than her own mother. Selyse's insistence that Shireen's reading really hasn't taught her anything comes off as resentment that her daughter is already more intelligent than she is.

Mom, I've watched you burn people alive.  Just sayin'.

Jon and Sam appear together in the main hall for the Night's Watch's Election.  This might just be Westeros' only democratic institution.  No one votes anywhere else.  But the Brothers are equals, and equals will only be commanded by one they choose.  Maester Aemon, the former Targaryen, is head of the elections and calls for nominees.  It takes Janos Slynt less than a moment to stand and talk up Ser Alliser Thorne.  Thorne's a dick, but he's an honest dick and a brave man.  He's not very bright, and he tends to think pretty narrowly, but he's a great fighter and trained just about every other brother.  Jon and Sam don't look enthused at voting, until long-time Brother Dennis Mallister is nominated.  His main qualification is surviving ten Castle Black winters, and that he's not Alliser Thorne.  That's enough for Jon.  But, not enough for Sam, who stops Aemon from calling for votes just in time to nominate Jon.

Sam's speech isn't long or flowery, but it hits all of Jon's good points, despite Jon thinking it's a terrible idea to nominate him.  Jon's best chance now is in keeping his head down and hoping the Free Folk question is solved quickly without him being involved anymore.  But, Sam Tarly has other plans.  Sam points out that Thorne's a great fighter, but he was injured during the battle and Jon stepped in to take his place.  He points out that Jon gave them information from his time among the wildlings, and knew how to defeat them.  He points out that Jon was handpicked by Jeor Momont to be his steward.  And he verbally pwns Janos Slynt for his cowardice during the battle.  I'd feel sorry for Janos, but he's in a puddle of his own making.

Alliser Thorne's speech isn't so much for his own benefit, but simply to denigrate Jon.  If you're main qualification is that you don't like wildlings at all, I guess going negative is all you can do.  He plays the Brothers' dislike of wildlings against Jon, reminding them that Jon took a wildling to bed and was buddy buddy with Mance Rayder.  Would Jon really have killed Mance?  We know he tried.  But Alliser thinks someone who respects the wildlings won't be able to kill them.  Which, we all know isn't true.  But the Brothers might not.  

Alliser Thorne's bluster may result in a few votes for himself, but they don't get him enough votes to win against Jon; the two are tied, with equal stacks of tokens in front of Maester Aemon, who's probably been counting them by sound.  Or not.  When informed it's a tie, he reaches out, feeling for which ones are Jon's and quickly slips his still-unused token on Jon's stack.  It's a victory by one vote, over one of the most vindictive people North of Winterfell.  Good luck, Jon.  Aemon's pulling for you.

Jon's sisters are slowly making their own progress.  Sansa is interrogating Littlefinger, who appears to have newly engaged himself to someone after recently widowing himself.  Does she worry about her safety if Littlefinger takes a new wife?  Is the marriage proposal really for himself?  Or, maybe little Robert? We won't know, because they're interrupted by Brienne of Tarth, who hadn't even wanted to stop at the inn.  It was Podrick who thought it looked good on Yelp.  He discovers Sansa with Littlefinger by accident, while checking out the waitress.  But it's a way to get back in Brienne's favor, after her disappointing attempt to "rescue" Arya.  

Wait, so we found Sansa by fucking accident?????

Brienne's attempt to "rescue" Sansa goes about as well, and Littlefinger's attempt to kill her really falls far short of what the Hound could do. After sending Pod to steal extra horses so they can whisk Sansa Stark away, Brienne proudly announces Sansa's real name loudly enough for the inn's other customers to hear.  Littlefinger and Sansa don't quiver in fear at their discovery.  Instead, Littlefinger presents Brienne to Sansa as the last person she'd want protecting her.  And, Sansa already agrees.  Brienne knelt to Joffrey.  However required it was to do, it still counts against her.  Sansa simply won't trust someone who isn't scheming to bring down the Lannisters.  While Littlefinger is all confidence, Sansa's voice is small but firm.  She wants Brienne to go; Littlefinger wants Brienne to "travel" with them.  Brienne sees right through Littlefinger's invite; he wants to kill her with no witnesses around.  So, Brienne flees the inn as soon as Pod can get her horse free, freeing Littlefinger's horses to delay his own men's chase of her and Pod.  

The horse chase goes as expected.  Brienne deals easily with her pursuers, but Pod gets lost, then gets thrown, then gets caught.  Brienne has to save Pod at the last minute, handily decapitating their enemy, and telling Pod to find his horse, because Sansa's heading east with Littlefinger and they're following.

It's here that Pod, diplomatically, suggests that maybe their quest has been fulfilled.  They found both girls, within days of each other.  Neither had any use for protection, or trust in oaths made.  Notice, that Brienne doesn't reveal to Sansa that Arya is alive and nearby; did she forget?  Did she not want to bring up her past failure?  Is she unwilling to let Littlefinger know this information?  But, should she get Sansa alone, would Sansa agree to follow Brienne and search for her sister?  One thing Brienne knows- Sansa is with Littlefinger, which is not the same as being safe. Even Pod agrees that they can't consider their duty done until, at least, Sansa is away from him.  East on the Road it is.

Arya's journey finally ends.  Between traveling the Kingsroad for the Wall, then to Harrenhal, then to Walder Frey's, then to the Vale, and now to Braavos, Arya has almost always been traveling.  She's been in the same outfit for about three seasons now. She's been disguised as a boy, captured three times, and lost her family and friends.  The ship she's traveling in is the first place where's she's treated with anything that resembles courtesy.  In fact, she's treated as an honored guest.  The captain himself introduces her to the Titan, who guards the city and can be used to defend the entrance to the bay.  It's a massive structure that we've seen before, but Arya hasn't.  At first, her hand goes to her neck in some protective gesture, a reaction to the horn blowing as they arrive.  

Arya quickly realizes that she's in a place untouched by war.  The docks are busy, and the captain rows her in peace through canals until reaching her destination.  It's a square building, in stone, except for the paneled wood doors.  One door is painted black; the other white. It's very old, and pretty isolated, surrounded by water on three sides.  Steps from the water lead only to the doors.  The captain wishes her well, responding to her thanks with the reassurance that Braavosi men are required to do this.

It takes a while for anyone to answer her knock.  And the guy at the door is a complete let-down.  Arya thinks she's going to see Jaqen H'ghar, last seen at the end of Season 2.  Instead, an elderly man who looks like he really hates answering the door emerges.  There's nothing and no one for Arya inside.  Arya doesn't even know what to ask for- Jaqen or just shelter?  No matter what she's come looking for from the House of Black and White, the man at the door insists it's not inside.  He sends her away, telling her there's a whole world out there that might care more for her than he does.

Arya is stunned by this anti-climax.  The end of her long trip turned out to not want her.  Either to wait them out, or just because she has nowhere to go, she makes the steps in front of the doors her home for about a day and a half.  Through night, through rain, through sun, she finds a spot on the steps, fiddles with her coin, and runs through her list, which is dwindling all the time now: Cersei, The Mountain, Tywin Lannister.  Meryn Trant.  And, we know she can take Tywin's name off.  Finally tired, or maybe finally realizing they won't let her in, she decides to throw the coin away in the canal, angry that the long trip was for nothing.

Or was it?  Braavos isn't home, but there's no war, no one's looking for her, and there are pigeons to behead for food.  With Needle, she'll never need to go hungry.  Until some local boys decide to try for her pigeon and Needle.  She's completely unafraid.  Instead, she warns them that her pigeon can't be eaten by dead men.  They're unimpressed, until a figure in a familiar robe appears in the distance, and they scatter quickly, not even bothering to fight.

It's the old man, reappearing and with Arya's coin.  He tosses it back to her, and she realizes that he's transformed back into.. Jaqen H'ghar.  One of his old tricks.

What do you think of my robe?  Makes me look like Jesus, right?

Jaqen looks neither happy or angry she's there.  He invited her, after all.  His secret of disguise?  Become no one.  Just like Arya will need to do, should she choose to cross inside the black door that Jaqen now holds open.  Arya slowly enters, Jaqen watching her as she does.  

Our two queens struggle.  Cersei barely holds the Small Council together, appearing with Qyburn, the disgraced former Maester, and declaring that King Tommen will not appear at these.  She'll be dispensing Tommen's instructions.  Essentially, she'll be ruling in his place.  She turns down the position of the King's Hand, due to being a woman, but won't name anyone else to the position.  So, she won't actually take the job, but she'll do it without having to be officially appointed.

Without Varys, she needs a new Master of Whispers, and she's brought Qyburn to the Small Council to give him the job.  He doesn't even speak during the meeting, but the others do.  Pycelle is dead-set against giving the Qyburn anything, much less a position he's not qualified for.  Cersei says that she can trust him.  Which, implies that she can't trust any of them.  She tosses Tyrell the post of Master of Coin, last held by Tyrion.  And, she tries to give her uncle Kevan the post of Master of War.  She obviously wants him there as a second Lannister, thinking his family loyalty will help her authority.

Tyrell and Qyburn are happy with whatever Cersei wants to do; Pycelle weakly objects to naming Qyburn anything, but simmers down because he won't risk angering Cersei.  It's only Kevan Lannister who is willing to call Cersei on her bullshit.  He won't take any job that doesn't come directly from Tommen, who he insists should be at his own Small Council meetings.  If he's needed to serve the crown, he will.  But, he won't serve Cersei, or help her take authority that is rightfully Tommen's.  He won't be a part of her schemes, or lend her credibility she hasn't earned.  

The other obstacle Cersei has is that she hasn't found Tyrion yet.  With a lordship and all the wealth that it entails at stake, it's pretty much open season on dirty blond dwarves.  Cersei is disappointed, but lets the mistakes pass, so that all will continue the search.  And, besides, Qyburn has some secret use for each and every dwarf head.  So, it's more like a draw.  

The search for dwarves extends to Essos, where Varys has arranged for himself and Tyrion to travel together.  First, to Volantis, a city in the center/south of Essos.  From Volantis, is finally the road to Slaver's Bay and Mereen, and Danaerys Targaryen, who probably has no idea they're coming, and no love for those who served the Lannisters and Baratheons.  The two, trapped together for a long trip requiring they stay concealed in swaying box, literally have nothing to do except debate each other.  Despite the long, tiring trip, who wouldn't love every minute in that box watching these two try to get each other's goat over each mile?  

The two debate whether talking about futility has any point; they also debate whether either of them could ever inspire others to follow them.  They agree that they'd never make it as open rulers; Varys has a personality that repels, and Tyrion is a drunken dwarf.  They agree that they belong in a box that shields them from the people and the people from them.

The end of their journey better come soon.  Danaerys needs them.  Daario's found the Son of the Harpy that killed White Rat, among the alleys of Mereen, hiding in a wall.  He reminds Grey Worm that fear helps you get inside the mind of someone hiding; and not wearing a uniform makes information easier to obtain.  Danaerys' own council can't decide what to do;  no one knows why a poor, but free man, would join a group to return to the old status quo.  Mossador, a former slave and one of the first to join Danaerys' takeover, argues to just kill him outright.

Mossador is very certain of himself since earning his freedom.  A lifetime of watching the Masters of Mereen taught him to show them no mercy, because he's convinced they show none.  Hizdahr zo Loraq, the wellborn son of the aristocracy, looks like he'd contradict Mossador if Dany would let him; instead, she dismisses her council, letting Barristan Selmy stay so he can warn her not to turn into her father.  Aerys II loved executing anyone he could find; Danaerys Targaryen needs to establish that she's not like him by holding a fair trial for her prisoner.

Which enrages Mossador.  He gains access to Son of the Harpy, who has nothing but insults for Mossador and all the other former slaves. He mocks their love of Danaerys, and promises nothing good in their futures.  Mossador does what he never dared before; the Son of the Harpy is left to bleed against a wall, blood oozing from his mask, and Kill the Masters graffiti behind him.

Danaerys has Mossador in chains and kneeling before her throne the same day, demanding to know why he broke her laws.  Doesn't he have any faith in justice?  No he doesn't.  If Danaerys doesn't show herself just as brutal as the old Masters, they'll take the city back, and Danaerys' version of justice will never have any chance.  Mossador also doesn't seem to understand the whole concept of justice.  Danaerys doesn't decide criminals' fate; a trial must do that.  Mossador thinks justice is when a ruler kills anyone in the ruler's way.  Dany can't seem to get through to Mossador that justice is carrying out a verdict by trial.  Her walk to Mossador's execution isn't a happy one.  

Maybe we shouldn't execute a former slave surrounded by former slaves. Just sayin'.

Danaerys stoically reads out Mossador's crime, which he's already confessed to, meaning she doesn't have to try him.  The former slaves call out to her as Mhysa, Mother, extending their hands to her, asking next for Mercy for their Brother.  But, justice also means executing someone you actually had high hopes for.  Everyone's going to have to learn that while vengeance is more immediately satisfying, only justice can create a society in which they can all live.

The scene is the opposite of Ned Stark's beheading.  The crowd chants for the guilty to live; the queen really doesn't want to kill the guy; Daario doesn't wear a hood to do the deed.  And, unlike Ned's beheading, the monarch doesn't stay and enjoy it; Danaerys has to flee almost as soon as the crowd starts hissing.  She's more in danger of getting hurt while the old Masters and the former Slaves go at each other, barely held back by the Unsullied.  A select group gets to use their shields to to cover Danaerys, and her Council as they flee back into the pyramid.  

The day is a bust.  The execution didn't resolve anything.  Instead it's going to be open fighting between slaves angry about the past and masters angry about the future.  With the Unsullied between them.  The council meets up later that night, but Dany dismisses them when no solution to the city's great divisions comes up.  Once alone, a shuffling from her quarters worries her enough that she checks it out.  Alone.  Seriously.  This is the first rule of horror movies- don't check out strange noises alone.  Especially not if your a pretty girl.

Though, once you hear the sound that's between a rumble and a purr, you know it's Drogon, come to hang out above Dany's private balcony.  While the city struggles below, Dany sees the dragon named after the Khal she loved and lost.  And, unlike Viserion and Rhaegal, Drogon doesn't seem mad at her.  I guess being able to fly around as he wants has him in a good mood.

Hi Mom, can I do some laundry here?

And, yes:

This is set up to look like

This

Drogon, like King Kong, needs some patience for his leading lady.  Kong allows himself to be reunited with his love.  Drogon, though, after some skittishness, just can't reconnect.  He's a free creature- he needs to spread his wings, lift off, and soar over the city and its surrounding countryside. He needs everywhere else to go.  Dany can only watch him leave for who knows where.  Is she wondering how she could ever have locked up her children?