Leo Bergen is busy prepping Sally for the first Presidential debate. His only problem is his candidate is a hot mess. Leo ushers in Sally's hometown minister, to, well, minister to her. She is a rabid freak, accusing the stand-ins for Fitz and Reston of being pigs, and condemning them to be slaughtered. She mocks her future debate opponents as future food.
Bitch be crazy
Is this the real Sally Langston? Does her polished exterior hide a screaming, pork-obsessed monster? Leo hands her off to the Good Shepherd.
Meanwhile, Fitz is killing his debate prep. With Mellie playing Sally (complete with accent), and Andrew playing Reston, he is demolishing their talking points, and mixing in gratuitous references to middle-class families. Since we don't see either Mellie or Andrew for the rest of the episode, I'm assuming they're hiding in a closet making out. Cyrus is ecstatic as he calls Olivia to leave a voicemail. His voice on the phone is cut to...
His voice on a recording, the night Sally murdered her husband. Being played for Olivia, Huck, and Abby. David, after being rescued, is spilling the beans for the Gladiators. He wants Olivia's help. Olivia heads over to the White House, where Cyrus admits the whole thing to her. After a tortured look, Olivia cracks up laughing.
Oh, are the American People© in for a real treat!
Turns out that all three candidates have committed murder: Sally, to punish her homosexual husband; Fitz, to cover up his rigged election; and Reston, to get rid of his wife's lover. No matter who wins, the White House will be occupied by a full murderer. The laughs quickly turn to Olivia's by-now-copyrighted look of hurt and disappointment as she realizes that politics is even dirtier than ever, and she promised Fitz that this election would be different. Cyrus begs her not to tell Fitz, afraid it will kill his Mojo.
Quinn is all ready for her new job. Which is... selling paper. Turns out, B-613's cover operation is a company called Acme Limited, and it's basically Dunder Mifflin, but even worse. Because the whole company will be Quinn, answering the phone and taking fake orders for paper. Oh, and Jake lays down the law for both Charlie and Quinn- no more side jobs covering up crimes. Quinn's dissatisfied, to say the least, but plays along as Jake tells her it's to pay her dues. The upside? She gets to shoot trespassers. Jake said so.
Leo goes for a ride with Daddy Pope, who is his normal belligerent self as he scolds Leo for Sally's horrible campaign performance and poll numbers. Leo doesn't tell Daddy Pope the best part, probably because Daddy Pope threatens to "fire" Leo. And what he means by "fire" Leo, is to set Leo physically on fire. Leo is starting to hate this deal with the devil. Too bad there's no getting out. Leo returns to Sally's to find that she has calmed the fuck down, and now seems more like a grown-ass adult. The Good Shepherd has left, after she confessed her crime to him. Leo asks if God has forgiven her. Sally says God will, after she performs her penance. In a perfectly calm voice, she tells Leo that she will have to confess to killing her husband at the Presidential debate. Leo runs right over to Cyrus' office. At first, he tries to politely ask Cyrus to push the debate back. Cyrus is all business when he says no way. So, Leo brings out the big guns and tells Cyrus that he, Cyrus, will be going to jail if that debate goes on.
Abby, Huck and Harrison collect everything possible on the Sally Langston murder, and present it to Olivia in a nicely organized folder. Olivia takes said folder and deposits in her safe. For once, the Gladiators are not getting involved. She will neither help nor hinder David's investigation. Abby for one would hinder it, for David's sake. When she tries to convince David, later, to stop looking into it, they have what might just be their last fight.
James walks in on Cyrus still in his office, and Cyrus is not in a good place. When faced with the possibility of everything he's worked and schemed for being taken away because of his own complicity in a homicide, Cyrus gets his usual weepy, self-pitying version of himself as he tells James that he loves him. Correction: that the best part of Cyrus loves James. James is a little freaked out.
Charlie is shocked to learn that B-613 actually fake sells paper. As we see him and Quinn commiserate over her crappy job, his phone rings. Charlie has to turn Cyrus down for whatever he wants. Cyrus will have to take it up with the new Command of B-613 if he wants Charlie's help.
Oliva shows up at Jake's, apparently unexpectedly, with plenty of junk food and alcohol. Jake really doesn't know what to make of her until he realizes, they're playing pretend. But they're not just pretending to be going out. They're pretending to be normal. So Jake plays along, until Olivia cracks. While she doesn't reveal to Jake what she's learned this morning, she feels her usual trapped self. She's in a career where she hides other people's crimes and sins, and sometimes the evil she must conceal is too much. She's been corrupted by just how dirty her job and clients can be; now, she's wondering if she'll ever be untouched by them. Jake offers to leave everything and run with her. She can't. She loves being in the center of the power. She loves being the one the powerful come to when they need help. Sadly, there's no sunlight in the center of power. But there is awesome sex with Jake!
Hey, maybe having sex will solve everything!
David and James meet to discuss the case against Sally. James is freaking out from Cyrus' semi-weepy mood that something is about to happen, something very bad, and they need to move the case forward now. David has nothing concrete to go accuse Sally or Cyrus of anything, only that something happened the night of Daniel Douglas' death that Sally refers to as a sin and required Cyrus to come over. James wants to release what they have, but David, now that the pressure is off Publius, wants to keep the investigation under the radar until they have solid evidence of the crime committed.
Cyrus makes a call, and a bit later we see him in some park with Jake. Cyrus gives Jake the low-down, letting Jake know that Olivia knows about the homicide and cover-up. Cyrus requests that Jake kill Sally to keep her from confessing. Jake, disgusted at the thought of covering up the VP's dirty deeds, tells Cyrus he's not a fixer for politicians. So Cyrus goes into full-on-storytelling mode, spinning some awful hypothetical about people losing faith in Washington if the public finds out their VP is a killer. Poor Cyrus. Doesn't he know people already think Washington is a cesspool? Jake is unmoved. Cyrus tells Jake that Daddy Pope would already have killed Sally. Jake, not impressed with Cyrus' tale of collapse or the reference to his predecessor, won't even explain why Cyrus is full of shit to Cyrus. Because "I don't have time and you wouldn't understand," he says, before walking off. Who can help Cyrus now?
How 'bout Olivia? She is rushed to the VP's house to try to talk Sally out of confessing. When she questions Sally, Sally reveals that she's felt abandoned by God ever since killing her husband. Sally feels, knows, that confessing at the debate will return God's presence to her. She will feel loved by God again. God will talk to her again. Reminding Olivia that she can't understand what it's like to be robbed of the loving God who is a constant companion (and confirmer of biases), she is adamant.
Sidebar: why wait, Sally? Get in your car and go to the District Attorney's office and just confess. You can have your lawyer there, who will work out a plea deal with the DA's office. You'll do, maybe, ten years. Why wait? If I loved God as much as you claim to, I'd be confessing right now. Right now. I wouldn't wait to return to God, I'd want him back in my life (head) ASAP. Why the wait?
Why does the confession have to be public? Trust me, it will be public soon enough when you confess. You'll have to give at least one statement to the press then. So why wait for the debate, where you'd take your national spotlight to come to Jesus, and pray for his forgiveness, with everyone watching you pray and confess? Why do you need everyone to see you get back in God's graces again?
Sally, though she is a fascinating character, is really one of the most despicable. She would have been perfectly happy to tolerate Fitz's adultery if it meant real power for her. Her real beef with Fitz's administration is how little influence she's had over it. Her religion gives her a way to feel better than everyone else and a set of theological arguments for her politics. Arguments that Fitz and his team have done their best to ignore because they're batshit crazy. Her religion is a way for her to show others how important she is, because she can feel God! She can tell others how they have angered God, and should seek his forgiveness, and indirectly, her approval.
Olivia doesn't ask these questions, or even attempt to tell Sally how awful what she's planning is. She phones Fitz instead, telling him what Sally is about to confess to. She asks Fitz to throw the debate.
Quinn is really super bad at selling paper. Jake has no sympathy, and Olivia informs Jake that she knows she's being kept out of B-613 because of Olivia. She gets to Jake the only way she can, by telling Jake that Olivia will never let him in, never be a real person for Jake, because that's not how Olivia rolls. Jake tells her to take her job seriously.
You know Olivia only likes you 'cause you let her eat junk food, right?
He goes over to Olivia's that night, only to find that Quinn is right. He now knows what it is that's been upsetting her: she knows about Sally's killing and Cyrus' cover-up. But he can't get her to admit that she knows. He can't get her to open up and be honest to him and trust him. The next morning, a penitent Quinn comes to apologize, and offers to go back to selling paper. Jake, now thoroughly schooled in how fickle Olivia's attention can be, has a new job for her. We see Quinn raiding Olivia's office in the dead of night, while, the next evening, Jake goes over the plan with Secret Service Man. Jake now knows all the players in the investigation: the NSA girl who brought David the tape; Publius, aka James; Vanessa Handler, the reporter Publius supplies info to; and David. Jake instructs Secret Service Man to take out Sally if it appears she is about to confess to the murder. He'll only have one shot before the Secret Service takes him out. So Jake is essentially ordering this man to die to keep Sally's killing secret.
Will it come to that? Sally is praying right before the debate, full of pious superiority as ever. Fitz is still unwilling to throw a debate he knows he can win. Cyrus really should have called his lawyer hours ago instead of asking Olivia if he should now. Leo Bergen is just hoping he can get Cyrus' job the next morning. Secret Service Man is in position with the rifle targeting Sally. Fitz, in response to an innuendo from Sally about his morals, brings up Daniel Douglas, baiting her to confess. Sally... stumbles to get to her confession. And then, Fitz gives. He opens his big mouth, is unrepentant about committing adultery and actually states on national television that he's proud of his personal failings. Both Sally and Reston go on the attack, pummeling Fitz the rest of the night. Sally is joyous. She finds her stride and her voice, and tells the moderator, as well as the audience, that she's just getting started.
Thanks be to Jesus?
The next day, Fitz tries to throw a tantrum in private with Olivia, miffed that he had to throw the debate to keep Sally from ruining American politics forever. Miffed, because he had to sacrifice a debate victory that he really wanted. Olivia tells him to grow up. He doesn't get to live in the light of day while other people scurry around in the dark for him. He can face the darkness that is American politics. He has to face the fact that he'll never have a clean victory. He has to face the fact that Vermont isn't going to happen. There's no happy retirement in Olivia's arms with granite countertops, stone fireplaces, and custom woodwork. There's only this moment, in front of a window to the White House lawn. There's only the moments they take for each other. Ever.
Leo is exultant in Cyrus' office, who must eat crow. Leo saved his bacon with his heads up, but Cyrus refuses to do him any more favors. Leo is glowing, sure that Sally will win now. What's he going to do first? Why, get rid of that buzzing sound in Cyrus' office, of course. What buzzing sound? Once Cyrus hears it himself, he starts turning stuff off, until he realizes it's the digital picture frame. The one James gave him. He unplugs it, but it's still buzzing. Cyrus finds the bug when he takes the frame apart. He is heartbroken.
James is getting home to a text from David with a meeting place and time. Cyrus is waiting for him there. One look between them and David realizes he's been found out. Instead of killing James, Cyrus apologizes to him. Cyrus cries as he takes responsibility for everything: putting James and Daniel together to have sex; covering up Sally's crime when his actions got Daniel Douglas killed. Everything. James is crying as he admits to Cyrus how angry he was. They have never been more in love. So in love, that when James shows up later to meet David, he tells David he can't help anymore. Turns out, he just wanted an apology, and is willing to cast justice aside.
NSA Girl and Vanessa are also in attendance at this top secret meeting on a street corner. The gang's all here. David is pissed as he tells James he's ready to go public with what they have. James mentions that he hadn't understood why David called this meeting, as he thought David was still holding back. David is immediately suspicious. He didn't call this meeting. NSA Girl and Vanessa go down with quiet gunshots to the foreheads. We cut back to Jake's monologue about making B-613 his family, his life. How he's lost himself as a person to B-613. David and James turn to see Jake with a gun. A shot goes off.
So, who gets shot? Well, it would have to be David. James, for all his bluster, doesn't have any evidence that Sally did anything. David does. Or rather, did. Plus, in the next episode, Olivia is promising blood to someone over the killing. Right now, Cyrus is not in her good books, so why would she promise him to find James' killer? No, that promise is, no doubt, going to Abby. After all, if Olivia had gotten involved, would things have gone differently? At least, that's what Abby's going to ask.
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