Arya has been washing body after body after body. And she's good at it. But there's always a door she doesn't get to go through. This one leads farther down, below the House of Black and White. And Mean Girl won't let her cross through to see what happens to bodies she washes. Arya decides that learning how to play the Game of Faces will get her through that door.
So, she tries playing with Mean Girl, only to find that it's basically a game where you lie and try to get away with it. Mean Girl is kind of a master of it, and Jaqen demonstrates later that Arya can't even sneak in a little lie with him. That's a lot of hits with a switch, and they hurt worst at statements Arya thought were true. Jaqen accuses her of lying to herself.
When Arya is free from Jaqen's switch and scrubbing floors, a father brings his sick, suffering daughter to the House of Black and White. It's a terrible choice he's making, and he knows it. But no healer has ever been able to heal her. And she's clearly suffering. Her face shows she gets no sun and no rest. Unable to even sit up, she lounges along the side of the pool of "water". Does this kid know what's going to happen? Apparently not, because she swallows whole Arya's story of being healed by the water from the pool. Jaqen watches as Arya manages to lie successfully and gently gives the kid her release from sickness.
Arya is washing the girl's body as Jaqen approaches. He says nothing, but leaves the door to the downstairs squarely open. Arya doesn't need an engraved invitation, she descends into the bowels of the House of Black and White after him. Stair after stair is lined with pots of candles, lighting the walkway but not much else. It's quiet. The chamber at the bottom is dim, with fewer candles illuminating a series of structures.
Each structure contains numerous niches, all displaying a human head. Vast numbers of heads fill the room, and you realize, The House of Black and White is making a many-faced god. Jaqen asks her; is she ready to give up what makes Arya Arya? Is she ready to give up her face, her loves, her hates? No, Jaqen says, she's not ready to become no one, but someone else. Maybe after becoming enough other people, Arya will eventually be nobody.
Why not just join Facebook?
Tyrion and Jorah are rediscovering who they are. Barristan Selmy left Westeros before news of Jeor Mormont's death could reach King's Landing; but Tyrion would have heard of it all. And it's his sad job to tell Jorah how his father died. Does Jorah feel any guilt? That was supposed to be him on The Wall, not his father. Instead, Jorah strides along the coast, towards Mereen, Tyrion follows, and wants to know what happens when Jorah has put a teenager who hasn't seen Westeros in ten years on the Iron Throne. And he wants to know what's in it for Jorah? Jorah's answer, that Dany will rule, short and curt, reveals that he's still super devoted to her. Dude, Jorah, she's totally moved on.
Tyrion can't point this out, which is just as well, since they've got slavers to deal with. They're captured by some real jerks, who want Jorah for a galley slave and Tyrion dead. But, it's Tyrion who saves the day with his fast tongue, playing the massive-not-to-be-believed-dwarf-cock card. Who, exactly, pays for the cock of a dwarf? And would you really want to touch the money after they've handled it?
I'm a tripod, dude
Way back in Dorne, teen lovebirds Trystane Martell and Myrcella Baratheon make googly eyes at each other and Trystane tries to get to second base. It's hard to say if he really loves her, although she clearly hearts him. Jaime and Bron manage to get to the Water Gardens, just outside of the Martell home Sunspear, at the same time that Ellaria Sand, and her lover's daughters don the stupidest veil/masks ever. They're going to they're uncle's house, and they think no one will recognize them? Jaime and Bron's disguises are even more outlandish, especially when their plan is ride in behind some merchants, and then try to sneak the horses away. In real life, we can hear the horses wandering away, through the estate.
The awkward confrontation is cartoonish, and it's hard to say what Myrcella should do when her "uncle" and some unknown friend show up to break up Trystane and Myrcella. Myrcella doesn't understand why she's being whisked away, Trystane tries to take out his sword. But, sadly, the thing's mostly for show and Jaime quickly knocks Tigerbeat Martell to the ground. Jaime is ready to whisk Myrcella away when the Sand Snakes strike. The fight between the three women and two men while Myrcella frets over Trystane resembles a fight scene from an early 80s television show.
Does this sword go with this robe?
Thank the gods that Areo Hotah, bodyguard to Doran Martell, breaks up the whole thing quickly before it can get any more trite. Ellaria turns out to be the most incompetent ringleader when she surrenders, trying to look scared and helpless. The Sand Snakes question Areo's loyalty to Dorne, but Areo is from Norvos, a city across the sea. His only loyalty is to Doran Martell. Who, wants Myrcella to stay with his son as he was promised by the Lannisters. Bronn tries getting in a snide compliment to Ellia Sand, who will try to rip him apart later.
Olanna, the Tyrell matriarch, returns to King's Landing, shit-smell and all. Confronting Cersei is useless, as Cersei feigns having no power in anything at all. Olanna reminds Cersei who provides the money and food to King's Landing. Cersei looks unconcerned, but maybe she should be. If she gets the Tyrell heir killed, Tommen might find himself divorced. And Cersei will be left to rule a starving city.
With her uncle returning to the Lannister's home, Casterly Rock, her allies are dwindling and she's pissing off the most important one. Olanna reminds Cersei that this is not how her dad rolled. Cersei has more important scheming to do with Littlefinger, who returns to intimidation tactics by the Faith Militant, Lancel in the lead. Lancel tries threatening Littlefinger, as he owned the city's most expensive brothel. But, Littlefinger's not scared, especially since he doesn't even believe in Lancel's gods.
Littlefinger sits down with Cersei and assures her he's got total control of the Vale, which is mostly true. He's got the other lords and ladies of the Vale in his pocket. He then proceeds to totally sell out Sansa Stark, detailing that she's, somehow, back at Winterfell and about to marry into the Boltons. Cersei hasn't heard anything of Sansa's whereabouts, and is desperate to have her head on a spike. Littlefinger says she needs only a little patience; Stannis has departed The Wall and is heading toward Winterfell. Littlefinger tells her to let Stannis and Roose duke it out, and attack the weakened victor. And then she can have Sansa's head on a spike.
Littlefinger, knowing Cersei lacks an army, offers the warriors of the Vale to do the job. Is his plan to march the soldiers of the Vale north in time to defeat Stannis, then cement his deal with Roose? Or, is his plan to march on Winterfell, arrive just in time to claim it and Sansa for himself? Either way, his price for doing all this for Cersei is to be named Warden of the North. Cersei agrees, thinking she's ahead on the deal.
Whatever Littlefinger wants to do to bring down the Lannisters, he better do it soon, and in coordination with the Queen of Thorns, because Margaery and Loras Tyrell are in deep shit. The High Sparrow has Olivar, from the raid on Littlefinger's brothel, and Olivar uses his knowledge of Loras' birthmarks to incriminate Loras in homosexual sex. Olivar also testifies that Margaery knew of Loras' secret sex life, despite her testimony that she knew nothing of any of the charges against her brother.
Cersei is relaxed as she watches her plan to get both Tyrell kids executed. Tommen is completely useless, perhaps worried that he's got to look like he cares about morality so the word "incest" is never uttered in his presence. Margaery is livid when she looks back to Tommen, who looks like he'd rather be hearing about anything else than his brother-in-law's sex life. Olanna looks at Cersei, shocked that she'd conspire against her own daughter-in-law. And, furious that Cersei means to eliminate any ally who might become more powerful then Cersei. Olanna, in one look, decides it's on.
You wanna' play, bitch? Let's play.
Was using the High Sparrow and the Faith Militant this way a good idea? She certainly thinks so, as she can simply say she's doing the will of the king in giving them weapons and judicial power. Tommen will lose a shitload of popularity with the people for executing a popular queen, and he'll have to rely on his mother and her protection even more. But, Lancel, as we saw in the premiere episode, has a ton of shit on her. And, he's the most militant of the Faith Militant. It's only a matter of time before he decides that Margaery needs a cellmate. And, it's only a matter of time before Olanna decides to use the uncertain parentage of Tommen against him.
Winterfell gets to see a wedding. It's not as ornate as a wedding at Baelor's Sept in King's Landing. It starts with Sansa getting a bath before the big wedding night, courtesy of her betrothed sending Miranda to do the honors. Miranda takes the opportunity to scare Sansa with stories of Ghosts of Ramsay's Girlfriends Past, but Sansa grows tired of hearing a maid try to threaten her. She only puts up with abuse from other nobles, not serving girls.
Reek shows up, allowed to be Theon for a night, and Sansa is reminded that this traitor to her house has to escort her to wed the son of the guy who killed a brother they both loved very much. Theon looks like he gets no joy out of any of this, and only wants to do it to avoid a beating. Sansa marches along with him trailing after. It's not that she doesn't want an arm to hold on to; but all the arms available belong to men she will never trust.
The wedding is just as creepy as can be, taking place after sunset, with lanterns along the way, not unlike the candles that lit Arya's descent earlier. The godswood, where Northerners worship, has a small group, including her future in-laws. No one looks happy. Theon has to give away his foster sister to a guy he wouldn't give a dog to. Ramsay has to appear gentle and loving. And Sansa has to fight every instinct to run away and hide from the whole world when she takes forever to accept Ramsay as her husband.
Still trying to figure out what I'm getting out of all this....
Ramsay, now married forever to Sansa, escorts her to his chamber, which is going for that 70s love hideaway look. Ramsay himself has decided that it's totally time to break his promise to Littlefinger and become the Bolton version of Joffrey, which Sansa realizes a little too late. Sansa reminds Ramsay that Tyrion, her first husband, was a kind man. Ramsay takes that in for a second, then lets Sansa knows that kindness isn't his thing. It's like old times when Sansa has to take whatever a powerful man dishes out to her. And, Reek has to watch as Ramsay crudely rapes Sansa.
It's painful and worse because it's in the home they shared together in past happiness. He watched Sansa grow up, he probably feels she's more his sister than his own sister is. And, now he has to watch Ramsay treat her like property good for only her name.
Is Sansa done being threatened in her own home? Can she deal with her hatred of Reek long enough to get his help getting out of there, or getting rid of the Boltons? Sansa wants to be done being abused; is she willing to act, even if it's a risk? Look for the highest window in the broken tower to get some use. And soon.
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