Yes, Tom, This Is Just Getting Silly - Revolution - Season 2, Episode 14

Miles and Tom come to an impasse.  Monroe wants Connor to kill him.  Charlie earns Duncan's respect.  The nano tech wants Aaron's help, and the episode refreshingly had almost no Dr. Dad in it.

Monroe and Connor, trapped in an outdoor cage, get lectured by the guy they tried stealing diamonds from.  Gould then tells them they'll be fighting to the death.  But hey, at least the winner gets to walk, right?  Well, we realize even that promise was probably false.  Monroe accepts that he'll sacrifice himself to save his son, while Connor holds on to the hope that Charlie will rescue them.

Which turns out to be a really foolish hope, as Charlie goes to Duncan, explaining that the diamonds they tried to steal were for her.  So, if she still wants to get paid, she'll help Charlie break Monroe and Connor out.  Duncan, having some sense, simply captures Charlie to hand her over to Gould.

Miles, Rachel, Tom, and Boyband are perched on a rise above the old typhus camp.  With that plot point over, the camp requires a new one to justify anyone still being there, as well as some barrels they speculate about. Miles and Rachel are interested in the new Suit that is running around, giving orders.  Tom and Boyband recognize him as Mom's new, really awful husband.  Miles decides he wants the Suit captured to ask what exactly they're planning, and that Tom will help.  So, this could either go real bad or real good, depending on whether Tom can talk the Suit first.

While discussing their predicament, with Mom being held as a hostage by the Patriots for Monroe's head on a platter, Boyband announces to his dad that the barrels being delivered to the new camp are empty.  They'll be filled later by cadets being punished at the new Willoughby Patriots Re-Education Center.  Like the little metal boxes in Cool Hand Luke, but even smaller.  Boyband is clearly chafing to stop helping the Patriots, make a common cause with Miles, and stop the Patriots' evil plans.  Tom reminds him his mother's life is at stake. As weak as Julia is, Tom will do whatever he must for her, even if it means helping evil people.

Monroe and Connor are practicing killing Monroe, who is concerned that Connor won't actually do it under pressure on the big night.  So, to help Connor do what everyone else on the show wants to do already, he confesses to Connor his part in Connor's mother's death.  It has the expected result, which is that Connor's anger helps him get a few blows in.  Notice that the timing of information is manipulated for dramatic effect?  While they're having this heartfelt moment, Charlie is marched to a very happy Gould hearing Duncan explain that she had nothing to do with the robbery, and handing over Charlie as proof of that.  For a warlord, she sounds a little too frightened as she confirms that Gould won't retaliate.  Come on, girl.  You're supposed to be a badass.  You don't ask if you're square, you just state you are with a slight growl in your throat.

Connor watches, clearly disappointed, while Monroe basically says "I told you so."  Gould's men pretty much tell Charlie she'll be raped.  A lot.  She doesn't seem worried, even though she's chained to the boards of a wagon.  As she's taken away, she overhears Gould plot to kill Duncan anyway.

Priscilla and Aaron are starting to snap in their hotel room/prison cell.  It's definitely not the fancy digs they shared pre-blackout.  They are debating whether their situation is totally fucked up or completely fucked up when Aaron sees Cyn again, which is how the nano tech is now talking to him. A guy's dead wife will get a guy's attention when you want his help, which the nano does.  It finally explains that it is dying, and needs the help of Aaron, Priscilla, and Peter.  Priscilla also starts to stare with horror at the same corner in which Aaron sees Cyn, only she sees her own father.  Peter comes in to tell them he thinks something is wrong with the nano.  The three of them realize they've been brought together to save the nano tech's code programming from a bug.    Priscilla doesn't want to help the nano, feeling that it should be allowed to die.  The most important question is:  if the nano dies, will the power come back on?  No one asks it.  Peter is very insistent that they must help the nano survive, because his gig as a faith healer depends on it.  The good news is that he's starting to realize it's not really a supernatural deity and he's not a prophet.  Which, I guess, is progress.

Help me, Obi-Wan Pittman, you're my only hope

When Priscilla angrily declares that she won't help cure the nano tech programming code, we see flashes of lighting outside.  Apparently, not helping the nano will go badly for them.  Aaron is desperate to do what the nano wants, afraid someone else will die if he slights the nano tech again.  When Priscilla reluctantly agrees to help, she reminds them that they have no way of looking at the code.  So Peter leads them to the last computer in Lubbock, Texas.  It's practically a calculator by our standards, but the nano turns on the computer and starts displaying it's code programming.  So our intrepid programmers get to work.

Monroe and Connor take a break from practice to feast on whatever slop they've been given by Gould's goons.  Monroe, willing to die for his son, confesses that his fame, his army, his success ended up meaning very little to him without someone to pass it on to.  Without a family of his own.  Sounding like Daddy Warbucks from Annie, he instructs Connor to find a wife, says Charlie can't be that wife despite her being the only girl he currently knows, and have some kids to pass something down to.  Connor responds by eating the slop, preferring that to his dad's sentimental ravings.

Miles and Rachel discuss logistics about kidnapping the Suit with Tom's help.  Neither she or Miles trust Tom, but he's willing to work for free.  Miles tells Rachel to stay put, not come with them, so he knows that at least she's safe.  We'll see about that, Miles.  At the ambush point, he and Tom exchange insults, with Tom reminding Miles that he's currently fucking his dead brother's wife.  Tom hints that he knew perfectly well how much Miles has wanted to do that for years.

Monroe and Connor are in the death cage for the big fight, and most of the next scene is of Monroe and Connor using bare hands and whatever weapons are tossed at them to fight each other.  The rest is devoted to funny looks Duncan and Gould give each other and Monroe.

YES YES YES!!!  DO IT! DO IT!

Charlie is dressed for prostitution, but she's busy trying to bust out of her boudoir when her first customer barges in, and tells her he's paid a lot of money to get the first "crack" at her.  Well, Charlie gives him his money's worth, immediately attacking him, both to prevent being raped and so she can get back to breaking out.  They struggle a while, but they guy is clearly not a fighter.  Not only does Charlie choke him to death, she then uses his dead head as a battering ram, making a hole out of her camper she can crawl out of.

Gould's man moves into place to kill Duncan.  She is still totally unsuspecting, until she turns around only to see the guy stabbed with his own knife right before he can strike, and Charlie appearing out from behind him.  Both Duncan and her bodyguard are stunned, and a gunfight ensues between Duncan's men and Gould's.  Duncan, pissed at being taken for a fool, shoots Gould in the head.  So the folks coming to see someone die that night got what they paid for, after all.  Monroe and Connor waltz out with Charlie, going back to Duncan's.

Duncan agrees to send five guys back with Team Monroe.  But it's only to pay her debt to Charlie, who saved her life.  Oh, and they five guys will be reporting to Charlie, since she's the one who actually earned them.  Charlie looks like she'll be gloating about this for the rest of her days, as she leads her new mercenaries back to Willoughby.  Duncan reminds Monroe he's not so great at sex that Duncan would stick her neck out for him.  Wonder who gets the casino with Gould dead?

Miles, Tom and Boyband are in the dark, automatic rifles drawn and pointed at a covered wagon that ambles along the road.  Inside are the Suit and about five guys of his own, probably not earned as well as Charlie's men, but there anyway.  The Suit explains that Miles Matheson is to be taken alive.  I hope Tom negotiated something extra in advance.  I mean, he's not only going to kill Monroe, he's giving them Miles to boot.   Tom is about to make his pretend move when Miles points his rifle at Tom's head.  Miles was spooked by the fact that the wagon appeared to be carrying more than just the Suit, and he's officially on to Tom.  Boyband, feeling guilty all along about helping the Patriots and lying to someone who could help them, is about to spill, but Tom shuts him up, verbally sparring with Miles.  Miles, who is right, accuses Tom of just doing whatever for his selfish wants, and demands to know why Boyband continues to feel any loyalty to him.  He then calls Tom a dick, just like he did to Monroe.  As the three continue to hold guns to each other, Rachel appears with one of her own.  The four just keep pointing guns at each other, while Tom tries to convince them their lives will be better without Monroe, so just let Tom do his job.  There is no resolution, although Miles makes a tense Mexican standoff joke.

Actually, Miles, in Mexico this is called milking it

Aaron, Priscilla and Peter are writing code on walls and whiteboard a la A Beautiful Mind, and there are cute shots of them from behind beholding the code in all its glory all over the walls, as well as shots of their faces as they peer at their creation, trying to find the bug.

Isn't there any paper left?

Aaron sees something he calls wrong, drawing a box around it and erasing it.  Peter and Priscilla are relieved at first, leaning in to watch Aaron do his magic and re-write the bug out.  Only Cyn appears, scared and angry and demanding to know what Aaron is doing.  Peter and Priscilla look over right away, as they're seeing their own versions of the nano tech angrily demanding that Aaron stop killing it, panicking as blood starts to seep out of a newly opened wound on Cyn.  Peter freaks out, but Priscilla is too fast for him, knocking him out so Aaron can continue to murder his precious, most famous code. Aaron didn't find a bug to fix.  He found a weakness through which he could introduce a virus. Shit starts hitting a fan all around them, until-

We suddenly cut to Aaron, groggily waking up to an alarm clock.  He's stunned more by the existence of a working alarm clock than by being awake, and stunned again when he realizes he's in a real bed, Priscilla still sleeping next to him. Then he realizes he's in a  beautiful, fancy room, in a modern and sleek condo somewhere.  Reaching for the remote, he turns on...

MSNBC.  With Chris Hayes.  If you knew anything about MSNBC, you would know that Chris Hayes has only been on a short time.  As if to further freak you out, Chris announces that it's March 5, 2014.  Our present day.  His present day.  It's as if... the blackout never happened.

So what gives?  Will Boyband finally talk some sense into his Dad?  Will Teams Matheson and Neville combine to do some damage without getting Julia killed back in Washington D.C.?  Will Connor find his dream girl?  Will Charlie enjoy her own soldiers too much?  It seems we don't find that out.  What we do find next week, is this show's version of It's a Wonderful Life.  Only instead of missing a person, this re-imagined world is missing the nano tech.  Will an angel get his wings?

Hide and Seek - Walking Dead - Season 4, Episode 11

This episode chooses to follow only two sub-groups, neither of which is likely to meet up any time soon, instead of the four sub-groups from last week all within hours and a couple miles of each other.  Glenn is in the middle of nowhere, actually heading back to the prison, while Rick, Michonne and Carl have made no attempt to even try to round up the others.  Since the groups have nothing to do with each other, and are going in different directions anyway, the episode seems like filler, even though a ton happens and new characters reveal quite a bit about their plans.

We start with Glenn and Tara in the back of the Army truck, passing zombies who think they can eat a balloon, if only they could reach it.  Totes adorbs. Tara is recording every turn they make, including the sight of a bus for good measure.  Whether it was smart to get in the truck with strangers when all she had to to do was guard Glenn until he woke up is debatable.  But at least they can find their way back to the prison if they have to.  Tara and Mr. Big Mouth Tank Top dicker a bit over killing zombies, and Tara wonders over the fact that he enjoys it.  I, personally, never begrudge anyone who likes their work.

Carl refuses to praise Michonne's spiffy new white shirt.  Let me state for the record that white shirts and a life of bloody zombie slicing do not mix.   Michonne and Carl then film a cereal commercial- er- I mean - have breakfast while wishing for milk. They debate the merits of soymilk, with Carl making gagging motions.  He catches himself as he's comparing it to his dead baby sister's formula, and it will take about half an episode before Michonne can work him out the funk he gets into.  Michonne wanders to the kitchen, where Rick is still literally wearing the same useless, torn up mess over his upper body he had on while comatose.  After Rick thanks her for getting Carl to talk like a human again, he and Michonne discuss whether there's a plan.  There isn't, so Michonne decides today will be gathering-supplies day, and that Rick will be staying home.  That's wife-talk for get a fucking shirt on, honey.

Does this look like the kind of guy who has a plan?????  Would you even follow it if he had one???????

Glenn finally wakes up in the back of Mr. Tough Guy's truck, with Tara explaining that she did the best she can, and they can walk back if he wants to.  Which he does.  Notice how nice-guy Glenn, who looked like a kid in Season 1, wantonly cracks the back of someone else's truck window with a rifle, then storms off once the truck stops.  Mr. Tough Guy gets out, and ditches the angry routine when he realizes Glenn is leaving and doesn't give a shit about someone else's window anyway.  He introduces himself, Sgt. Abraham Ford, and his "companions" Rosita Espinosa (who's fucking him), and Dr. Eugene Porter, who is even worse than Milton from last Season.  Abraham needs Glenn and Tara to stick to him like wet on water, to complete a mission:  get Dr. Porter to Washington, D.C., so Porter can help the government "save the world".

Here, let me just twist that knife a little more.... that's it...

Apparently, Dr. Porter knows how/why the plague began, and can stop it.  Oh, and it's "classified", so nobody even gets to know why Porter is so fucking important. Glenn MUST know Porter is full of shit.  Glenn KNOWS that the CDC couldn't even identify what kind of microbe the disease is, much less stop it.  He tells Abraham only that he's going to find his wife.  Abraham has already lost his ex-wife and kids, and tells Glenn that his wife is gone, Glenn would be killed finding her on his own.  Glenn rebuts this by hitting Abraham, and a fracas ensues that Tara and Rosita are trying to break up when Porter notices zombies coming out the fields like Children of the Corn.  Porter takes an automatic rifle from the truck and attempts to fire on them, wasting bullets and hitting the truck.  At least it gets Abraham and Glenn to stop fighting, and aim their weapons at zombies.  The five of them quickly eliminate all undead.  

Rick FINALLY changes his shirt, pushes the couch back to the door, and settles in with a paperback in the master bedroom.  He wakes up, a couple hours later, to the sound of violence and mayhem, and someone being killed downstairs for being a coward.  You locked the back door, right Rick?  At least he has the good sense to grab his watch and water bottle before sneaking under the bed.  Normally, scenes of someone hiding under a bed are with a woman and child.  Think about that.  Instead, the next few Rick scenes will be him, under a bed, watching feet pass by, and hoping his guests are stupid enough to never check under the bed.  Rick has loaned Carl his gun, has no weapon, is definitely terrified, and his fear gives the episode an intensity it otherwise would have lacked.

Well, at least he's got water and knows what time it is.

Porter's only casualty was the truck, which Abraham wonders at.  Hey, at least he hit something, Abraham.  Glenn starts off for the prison bus, with Tara going with, as she has the directions.  Rosita is the first to follow them, telling Abraham they have to find a vehicle somewhere anyway.  Porter points out that the way back is known to be clear, and outright reminds Abraham that he's the brains.  Oh, he is.  Just not the way Abraham thinks.

The "classified" zombie secrets are stored in his mullet.

Does Abraham really believe Porter's bullshit?  It's hard to say.  While they walk back, Tara is in the rear with Abraham, and he tries blowing some smoke up Tara's ass, telling her she should be helping Abraham because she's a good person.  Tara, still guilty over helping to ruin Glenn's life, shuts that talk down right away, and tells Abraham he's probably not a good person either.  Is Abraham willfully blind to Porter's trick?  Does he just want a mission, any mission?  Or is he really convinced he, Rosita, and Porter can save the world?

Meanwhile, Rick is still under the bed, with Goldilocks sleeping in it right over him.  But not for long.  Another guest saunters upstairs, and with Rick still underneath and undetected, challenges a comrade for the adult-sized bed.  (The episode's title comes from Goldilocks telling his buddy that the bed is "claimed")  They literally fight over a big bed, with Goldilocks being thrown to the floor, and seeing Rick just as he gets choked to death.  Rick quietly freaks out at being spotted, but I would have just waved.  Goldilocks dies right in front of Rick.  Can't tell whether he's put down to prevent turning.  Mr. Bed Bug takes Goldilock's place on the bed, with Rick face to face with someone who could turn any minute.  

Carl and Michonne do some bonding, with Michonne at first trying to draw out Carl.  When that doesn't work, she drops a bomb on Carl, which does get his attention:  she had a child, a toddler.  They spend a bit cleaning out a home, while Carl asks her a question after every room.  Their friendship is rooted in two things: they both have a sense of humor, and Michonne can walk the line between treating Carl like a grown-up and a child.  She spends the morning firmly in charge, making sure Carl doesn't cut corners, but he obviously feels like a grown-up when they're talking about her dead child and offers to keep it a secret for her.  This transitions to a scene where Michonne must "clear" the kids' playroom and bedroom.  There's nothing to clear, and the dead body display is one of the creepiest ever.  The kids were lovingly laid into their beds to die, somehow without turning.  Their mother, obviously self-shot in the head, sits in a rocking chair right next to them.  Not afraid, but not wanting to be in there another second, she closes the door behind her as she talks Carl into not going in.  Two seasons ago, Carl mocked Carol for thinking Sophia was in heaven.  Here, today, he tells Michonne that Judith and her toddler, Andre, are there together.  He doesn't mention Sophia, maybe because she wasn't a baby.  Or maybe he's forgotten her already.  Odd, because they were buddies before she died.

Rick is FINALLY out from under bed, and proceeds to play musical-doors-to-hide-behind with his unwanted guests, while they make a ruckus over finding a woman's shirt, laundered for when she returns, and debate who gets to rape her first.  We see the guests as flashes of boots, pants, and the occasional gun, just so everyone knows these guys are dangerous.  We never really see their faces, unless they're about to die, like Goldilocks.  Or the man Rick finds in the bathroom.  They instantly fight, with Rick eventually choking Toilet Guy to death.  Clever for a change, he leaves the bathroom door open a skosh, not enough to see the dead body, but enough that Toilet Guy can get out once he turns.  Rick then escapes through the bathroom window, creeping around to the front porch just in time to hide from Mr. Bouncy Ball enjoying some canned good.  Michonne and Carl have just come into Rick's field of vision, and he has just decided to deal with Mr. Ball when the walker surprise he left them takes all their attention away, and Rick can dash out, warn the others, and they can escape without anyone knowing.

We end with railroad tracks.  Just when you think the final scene will get back to Tyrese and Carol, we see Rick, Michonne and Carl wandering down the tracks.  Despite losing tonight's shelter, they're in a good mood, with Carl playing with spray cheese.  They find an interesting sign attached to an abandoned train car, and keep heading down the tracks, intrigued by the same message Tyrese and Carol saw, albeit in a different location.  So these two parties will meet.  In about two episodes.  We should also get a glimpse of Terminus, the Sanctuary, by season's end.  I hope.

Too Soon? - Walking Dead - Season 4, Episode 10

Lao-Tzu, a Chinese dude from about 2400 years ago, wrote that "Hope is as dangerous as fear."  Hope, like fear, makes us put what might be over what is.  Fear turns into panic, restricting people from doing what makes sense.  Hope turns into desperation, making people waste time on fruitless quests.

In this episode, Darryl, Sasha, and Tara all take the anti-hope position.  Sasha has already given up on her brother, and Glen.  Darryl is only looking for others because Beth is stubborn.  Tara saw her sister consumed, the prison she hoped to make her home ruined.  Beth, Tyrese, Maggie, and Glen take hope to new heights, prompting acts that put themselves and others in danger.  Although, Glen has enough sense to at least get out of the prison before he stops making sense.

We start with Beth's voiceover, sweetly listing all the hopes she had for life in the prison to her diary. Each one, a hope cruelly taken from her.  Very Flowers in the Attic, but without the incest and sexual assault (also, without the cruel Grandma).   The pigs were eaten by zombies; there were never any chickens.  The fields are covered in corpses.  Lori died giving birth. And the prison turned out to be so not-permanent, as carrion birds circle over her and Darryl.  Later, at a campfire, Beth insists that she and Darryl have to advance the plot somehow.  Darryl is tired of advancing the plot.  And besides, that's Rick's job anyway.

"We need to justify a scene all to ourselves! I'll do something stupid, and you save me!"

Beth forces the issue by stomping off into the zombie-filled darkness, prompting Darryl to follow her and just wait patiently for her to decide hope is dead.  She's not stupid, but she's been a nanny for the last year and she stupidly lets zombies approach her from behind.  Darryl has one mission for the next 36 hours- keep Beth alive.   After finding zombies feasting away by railroad tracks, she and Darryl decide to stop looking for any more survivors.  She wanted to be strong, be hopeful, for Daddy.  But he's dead.  We leave them contentedly by the fire the next night, Beth burning her hopes page by page.

Speaking of nannies.  We cut to Lizzie and Mika, tromping along mixing fears of zombies with normal childhood peevishness, then calling out to Tyrese.  He turns around and ..... IS PREGNANT!  No, just a Daddy.  There is Judith, alive and unharmed, and being carried by two hands when he could have just held the baby carrier's handle, or found some old clothes to make a sling with.  Nope. He totes her around, even when running, like she's a big, squirming football.  To his credit, he really is an amazing babysitter.   His only freakout is when Mika physically hurts him, and he only yells at her before Lizzie tries to lecture him.  Lizzie wavers between stoic bravery and childhood bossiness.

She and Mika probably do love Judith, but not her crying.  Even I'm wondering why a place where the kid could cry safely wasn't Tyrese's first priority.  In the meantime, there are diapers to change, grapes to pick, and scared little girls to run after.  It seems that none of them, except maybe Judith (my guess is teething), gets any sleep the first night in the woods.  Even at his most drained, most demanded on, Tyrese doesn't lose his cool.  He actually tells Mika that her instinct to run isn't a bad one, just needs some work.  He hears screams, and hoping it's others from the prison, trusts the girls with Judith so he can go help.  He reminds Lizzie and Mika of what to do:  wait for him to return.  Run away from zombies towards him if they have to.   Lizzie, who has been complaining about Judith's crying for two days now, hits on the awesome idea of just covering the baby's mouth and nose to muffle the kid.  Awesome idea!  I wonder why Tyrese didn't think of that!  Two approaching zombies force the kids to make a decision, but it seems like Mika's choice is to fire uselessly at them, while Lizzie continues to smother a kid who will be dead in ten seconds anyway.

Tyrese finds himself on the same point of the railroad tracks we see Darryl and Beth found, and we realize we're seeing a prequel, so now we find out how the scene they found actually happened.  No prison survivors, just a middle-aged guy with his older son, carbon copies of Allen and Ben from last season, and they both get bitten when they really should have survived. Tyrese also almost gets bitten, but a gun shot makes him turn around to get the last zombie.  He gets up to the sound of....

Oh.

A very hesitant-sounding Carol, who is standing behind Lizzie and Mika and holding a very happy, very quiet Judith.  I have never seen a man so relieved.  Tyrese, not knowing Carol was banished, much less why, gives her the hug of a man saved from insanity and death.  Carol, realizing he doesn't know, gives him a very plausible story of following them since the prison.  My theory? She went back to the prison to demand Lizzie and Mika from Rick, knowing he wouldn't refuse when the girls demanded to stay with her instead of him.  But she found a smoldering ruin instead, and was looking for the girls ever since.  About-to-die-Dad tells them why they were out in the open instead of in the woods:  there's supposed to be a safe place ahead, just by following the tracks.  Having nowhere else to go, they proceed that way themselves, only to find a road sign telling them exactly what Dying-Dad did.  Carol thinks they may as well.  Lizzie and Mika are all for it.  Tyrese feels his hopes were all totally justified.  The safe place is called "Terminus".  Considering that's Latin for "The End", I'm not so sure.  I'm wondering if this has to do with a group from the graphic novel that has, let's just say, rather interesting eating habits. Also, with Rick thinking Judith is dead, will he discover that she's actually been saved by someone he doesn't trust?  And how will the custody battle go?  "Your honor, Judith isn't even his kid!"

But enough with that plot point, we need to get to Maggie and Sasha and Bob.  Bob is just happy to be alive.  He didn't lose much, except his go bag and some pride from getting himself shot.  Sasha is binding up the wound, which has already stopped bleeding.   He tries to give her hope about Tyrese.  But Sasha isn't having any of this hope bullshit.  She's thinking, let's camp.  Maggie is thinking, now that we're all the way out here from the prison, I'm going to go back and look for Glen.  Sasha thinks it's a sucky idea, which it is.  While she follows Bob and Maggie along the road, she complains that they should be finding food.  Bob wants to know what good food is unless you have a reason to survive in the first place.  It would be easier to accept Bob's dialogue if he hadn't spent the first half of the season convinced he doesn't deserve to survive.  Has a purpose in life, even a temporary one, replaced the bottle?

Sure enough, they find the bus.  Still, but not empty.  Filled with zombies, a bloody scene follows where they slaughter each one, ending when Maggie puts down a Glen-look-alike.  Is that happiness because she realizes Glen wasn't on the bus?  How did the bus go so bad?  Did someone get shot during the retreat, die on the bus and create havoc?

But that's not important.  This scene exists for the sole purpose of winnowing down the cast and giving the main characters reason to abandon the area.  What's important, is that Glen wakes up back at the prison, at the end of a causeway that was blown up by Mitch's tank.  Zombies below are reaching for him, so Glen nonchalantly goes back inside his cellblock, only to find it devoid of people and zombies.  He grabs full riot gear that was literally stuffed under the mattress.  Seriously.  A helmet under the mattress.  No wonder they slept in the guard tower.  Speaking of which, Glen sees the pic he took of her sleeping there, and suddenly decides that he'll find her.  Grabbing supplies as he goes, he realizes the bottle of booze by the door to the cellblock could come in handy (courtesy of Bob?), and uses the riot gear to cover all but his neck, which he leaves bare, right at mouth height for most of the zombies.  Who swarm him, but can't get close because of the riot gear.  So Glen fights his way through, emerging but stopping when he sees he's not the only one who needs to escape.

Tara sits alone, quiet, at the gate to a cellblock.  The zombies can't get her there, and I guess she figures she'll just die of dehydration.  Sounds easier than being eaten.   Glen, after discovering she didn't fire a single bullet at them, convinces her to come with him, spinning some bullshit about needing her.  That's total bullshit, but it gets her on her feet and reminds her that she's supposed to know how to shoot a gun.  With a Molotov cocktail, they are the last living people (I hope) to leave the prison.  They dash out the main gate, heading to the highway where they can lose their pursuers...

And they instantly squander their lead by having an intense conversation where we learn that Tara's sister died right after killing Phil; Glen learns that Phil killed Hershel.  He's shocked, but he tells Tara that Hershel would want them to help each other now.  Glen is pretty forgiving of one of Phil's townies; but if it gets her to cover his back when he's sleeping, he'll do it.  Tara is on the edge.  Dying on the road is probably better than at the prison; but it's all the same to her at this point.  Until they're attacked again, by the zombies that they let catch up to them.  Glen is almost down for the count until Tara comes to his rescue, and barely survives her own surprise attack.  As her last kill gets its head beaten in, we see a truck not there before in the background.  Bad staging, or perfect?  Because Tara looks up, breaks the fourth wall, and asks us assholes if we enjoying the show.

But it turns out... she wasn't talking to us.  This isn't a post-modern adaptation of The Walking Dead.  Instead, three people emerge.  Graphic novel fans know who these people are, and what it means.  People who can't bother waiting will just have to hope for the best!

Home Alone - Walking Dead - Season 4, Episode 9

Tip:  In the zombiepocalypse, avoid traveling with a teenager.

Michonne briefly returns to the prison, both to get two new decoy zombies for traveling, and to put Hershel down.  Hershel's head is a grim reminder to Michonne of all that she just lost. She has trouble putting him down, taking her time to stab him in the head and messily drawing the katana back out.  Her two new pets are easy to catch, and she starts wandering right out among the dead, who are completely oblivious to her now.

  

Rick, badly wounded to the point where he actually looks like a fresh zombie, hobbles along a dirt track leading who knows where, nagging Carl along the way to wait for him.

Here's a story... bout a man named Ricky, busy with a snot nosed brat of his own...

The boy's in a mood, probably because they've left his comic books behind at the prison, as well as his sister's bloody and empty baby carrier. If there was a phone, Rick would hear it ringing.  They stop along the way at a roadside bar/bbq joint and grab some food, and argue about a zombie they had to kill together.  Carl wants his dad to just let him handle them- Rick wants to save bullets above all else.  Rick gets more angry as Carl repeatedly disobeys him while they clean out a neighboring home in a tree-lined, pretty, empty development.  Carl even points out that he tied the front door closed with a knot the long-dead Shane taught him.  He's down, Carl, you can stop kicking. It's all forgotten the second Rick hits the couch and immediately falls asleep.  After this, the episode goes to Carl, who is determined to not need adult supervision.

Michonne dreams of her old life, calling an art show she's just attended with her lover and his buddy "pedestrian" and "overplayed", and comparing it to showing a gorilla driving a car.  She's making a fruit and cheese plate, and the first clue something is amiss comes when you see she's been slicing with her katana, which magically fits back into her cutlery holder.  A cute toddler wanders into the kitchen, to be carried with the food to the table, where Michael and Terry have changed into dirty, ragged clothes, with Michael complaining that Michonne's katana skills are useless unless she's living for something.  Michonne, realizing something's wrong, puts the food on the table and hugs her kid closer.  We cut to Michael and Terry, armless with bloody armpits, and a bloodstain where her kid used to be.  It's a cleverly done montage in the space of one minute, showing the mental transition that would have left Michonne completely bereft, willing to walk among the dead, until the dusk when she met Andrea.  She wakes in a car, her new pets just outside, emotionally right back where she was two-and-a-half seasons ago.  She finds Rick and Carl's trail along the original dirt road, but ignores it and continues on, deeper into the woods.

Carl spends the next day trying to read, and is interrupted to lure zombies away from their front door, where the rope trick he used may not have held, but the sofa Rick hauled to the door did.

Just handle it, Carl

Carl's doing pretty good, but any time a character walks backward leads to mayhem, and Carl ends up under three put-down zombies, with about five bullets used.  He's going to run out, but probably doesn't realize.  In a rush from his victory, he strides back to Rick, fast asleep and unable to even wake up at this point.  So Carl goes into a long speech about how useless he thinks his Dad is.  All I can say is, he's not wrong.  He gets confident, and tries to knock down a door with his shoulder, and it's hilarious when he bounces right back on the wood floor of the porch.

Latch-key kids in the zombiepocalypse

So he just breaks in with the spike of the yard light, which he carries around the house like a knife, putting it down only to get pudding.  He's pretty proud of himself by now, and scopes out the upstairs.  A zombie surprises him but not the viewer, and Carl is just to small to overpower the thing like his Dad does.  There are a couple shots of the zombie almost chomping down on his ankle, and Carl has to hurriedly close a bedroom door after trying to escape through window doesn't work.  He records his daring victory, noting that he lost only his shoe.  But not his pluck, which we see on full display while he eats pudding on the roof, his new zombie friend in the bedroom inside, sticking its hand out of the window Carl couldn't open fully, rasping as it will never get him while he enjoys a little pudding.  When he gets home this time, he's not so proud of himself, just glad to be alive and no doubt sick as fuck from all that pudding.

Michonne wanders the woods among the dead, pausing to look at a few only briefly, as eye contact makes them suspicious.  Her new pets in front of her make her invisible to them, but she spies a zombie that looks similar to her, with braids instead of dreads.  Michonne gets the point.  She's not dead, which she proves by slicing every zombie around her.  The collapse in a circle around her, and she pauses for a moment in the center of her kills, which include her new pets.  No more hiding among the dead.  She goes right back to Rick and Carl's trail, hoping to find some of the family she still has left.

Oh, yeah, that's right - I kick ass!

Carl falls asleep in the little ball he rolled into, waking in the middle of the night to Rick rasping like a zombie, so Carl scrambles away from Rick, picking up a gun to supposedly shoot him, but just collapsing, unable to put down his own dad, as Rick's hand in the blue moonlight reaches out like the undead for him.  But then, just as in the series premiere, Rick calls for his son, warning him not to go outside.  He's still alive!  Damn.  Would this Carl have been able to put down his mom?

The next day, Rick and Carl make up on the couch together, with Carl confessing his pudding binge, but Rick doesn't seem interested in why his shoe is missing.  Michonne is close, she's gotten to the bbq joint, where she realizes she's close to whoever came this way.  She collapses at the door, telling Michael, long dead and put down, that he could have survived too, that she has a new family now, that she has a reason to keep living.  And she proceeds to find Rick and Carl, chilling on the couch.  Like a good neighbor, she knocks on the door to borrow a cup of sugar.

Don't worry, an adult who actually deserves your respect is almost here